Putting the Pieces
by Mac n' Meez
Summary: Re-posting of the original. SEQUEL TO "SOME ASSEMBLY REQUIRED", WRITTEN BEFORE THE AVENGERS MOVIE CAME OUT. With Loki under control and the world seemingly safe, the Avengers face new foes, like grocery shopping, children, pointy-haird cat-men, and those pesky, relentless Girl Scouts. But other forces are at work, and no one is as safe as they seem... Bruce/OC, Loki/OC, Pepperony.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Looks like we're going to have to start this thing off right - with another apology. I'm sorry that it's taken me almost half a year to get back on track and re-uploading everything, and I'm sorry I haven't been replying to reviews and your wonderful PMs. You guys have been really great and patient about this. I had to buckle down for exams last semester, which prevented me from focusing on this, and then it slipped my mind. By the time I remembered again, I was struggling to keep my grades up and had to put it out of my mind again. But it's summer now, and I promise to get everything up and running again. Thank you guys so much for understanding. I'm so sorry. **

**Friendly reminder that a) this is a _sequel _to _Some Assembly Required_, and b) I own nothing. Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter One**

The first thing Bruce was aware of was a soft buzzing noise.

Next, he noticed the unusual amount of pressure on his chest. Frowning, he glanced down to see Carter, head rested on top of his heart and arms wrapped around his neck. She looked so peaceful while she was sleeping (and using him as a pillow). Bruce couldn't help but smile.

The buzzing noise continued.

With a groan, Bruce shifted towards the nightstand. Sure enough, Carter's Stark Phone was lit up. Who calls at... He glanced at the clock. Oh, Jesus. Who calls at four in the morning? Trying not to disturb Carter's sleep, Bruce reached out as far as he could and snatched the phone up. Ignoring the caller ID (no doubt it'd be Tony, calling to ask what type of cereal they should stock the new Avengers house with (they'd gotten several calls like that already this week)), he pressed the answer button, bringing the phone to his ear.

_"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"_

A strangled noise escaped his lips, and he jerked away from the receiver. He had _not _been expecting that. Carter tightened her grip on him. Afraid he'd woken her, Bruce stayed very still until he was sure she was asleep.

He brought the phone back to his ear. "What?" Even to him, his voice still sounded gravely with sleep.

_"Oh, hey Bruce!" _Lily replied in a way too chipper tone.

"Hey Lily." He paused. "It's four in the morning," he groaned, rubbing his eyes.

There was a light laugh on the other end of the line. _"I know it's four a.m. here, but what time is it where you guys are?"_

"Four in the morning."

_"Really?" _God. How could she be_ this _excited _this_ early? _"I thought you guys were in South Africa still. You must be on the East Coast now - where are you?"_

"Cape Kennedy. Or Canaveral. Whatever they're calling it these days. Hey, did you know they closed NASA down?"

Bruce swore he heard a slightly evil chuckle on the other end of the phone, followed by Loki muttering something along the lines of, _"Everyone knows _that_._" His suspicions were confirmed when Lily scolded, _"Loki! Be quiet."_

Feeling the need to defend himself (And find out more about this NASA thing. I mean, really. How can you shut down _NASA_? Some of the most important scientific discoveries were made by NASA, and now there would be some things the world would never know! Maybe it was just the scientist in him, but he was pretty pissed about the whole thing.), Bruce said, "I was on the run for almost nine years."

_"Yes, I know,"_ Lily assured him much in the way you'd assure a little kid that yes, that stick-figure drawing _was _wonderful. _"No one's blaming you."_

"_Blaming _me?" he asked, struggling to keep his voice low.

_"Hey, can you put Carter on? I wanted to be the first person to wish her happy birthday. Unless, you know, _you _want to do it first. I can wait and just call back later."_

Bruce rubbed his face, still trying to wake up. "She's kind of sleeping right now. Wait - it's her birthday?" He glanced down at Carter, who smiled slightly in her sleep. Why hadn't she said anything about it? He could have done something for her... Actually, he still would do something. He just had no idea what it would be.

_"Yeah. Did she not mention it? She does that sometimes. Anyways, our dad would always do something big for her, and since he lives in Celebration now, he wouldn't be able to do anything even though he could actually _find _her now. So I decided to call and tell her we'd do something when you guys got back."_

_You called at four a.m. to tell her _that_? _Bruce thought angrily. At the same time, another thought dawned on him. Celebration? Wasn't that the place Disney had made, right near Orlando?

Orlando wasn't all that far away...

Well. Looked like he had a plan after all.

"Thanks for calling, Lily," he whispered, eyeing Carter's sleeping form. "I'll have her call you back when she's fully functional. Bye."

_"Bye, Bruce."_

After hanging up the phone and placing it back on the stand with as little movement as possible, he leaned back into the bed. Carter sighed, sending a warm blast of air sweeping over him. Grinning, Bruce wrapped his arms around her, pulling her in close. When she let out a little content noise, his smile grew wider. There was no place he'd rather be but here.

He'd start on his amazing birthday gift later.

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

"How is the beast and the smart one?" Loki asked nonchalantly as soon as Lily hung up the phone.

Lily glared daggers at him. Before she could scold her husband, another, smaller voice interrupted him.

"Uncle Bruce is not a monster," Roan informed them, bringing his little black eyebrows together and frowning at his father. "Mommy says so."

Lily beamed. Only a month old, and her son was already a nice young boy. He certainly could pass for a young boy, too - according to Loki it was customary for Asgardian children to advance through their younger years at an abnormal rate. At four weeks, Roan was the size of a toddler and had the speech skills of a third grader. Lily and Loki couldn't have been prouder.

"I was not Banner I was referring to," Loki muttered, sending a purposely crooked grin at Lily. Then, turning back to Roan, he added. "And Banner is not your uncle. Thor is your uncle."

Roan nodded. He looked up the two of them with clear blue eyes and cocked his head to the side. "But Mommy says I should start calling him that."

"Yes, yes you should," Lily replied. "Might as well get used to it."

Loki gave her a look so similar to the one Roan had given her a minute ago that it made her heart soar. She was surrounded by beautiful boys. "Since when has...?" He let his unfinished question hang in the air.

"Well, he hasn't." She paused dramatically. "_Yet_. It's only a matter of time, in my opinion."

"Oh?"

Shooting her husband a playful glare, she hit lightly on the arm. "_Yes_. I have a sense about these things, you know. I've never been wrong."

"You were confident that Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries were perfect for each other," Loki pointed out.

Before they could continue this conversation, Roan let out a loud yawn. It was amazing how large his mouth could get; it was like his whole little face disappeared when he opened it wide. Absolutely adorable.

Her motherly instincts taking over, Lily rose from the couch and crossed over to where Roan was playing with a wooden warrior Thor had given him the other day. She scooped him up into her arms, surprised how _dense _he suddenly felt. With a glance back at Loki, she carried her baby to his bedroom in the back of the apartment.

"I'm not tired, Mommy," Roan instead thickly. "Not sleepy at all. I want to say 'happy birthday' to Aunt Carter."

"Mhmm." Lily used one hand to push open the door, and kept the other safely on his back. His room was already dark, but as she passed, she flipped on a nightlight. The room illuminated slightly then, revealing a simple dark blue color-scheme and a "big boy" bed that was surrounded by large number of toys Thor had seen fit to give his nephew. With gentle hands, Lily set Roan down.

She smoother back his slick black hair. Already, with his pale and pointed face, he looked so much like Loki. Only his eyes were hers. "Sleep tight, sweetheart."

"Night, Mommy," he murmured, eye lids drooping closed.

Like a cat, Loki appeared randomly at Lily side. He kissed his sone once on the forehead, then pulled back and gave him a loving look. "Goodnight, my son."

"Goodnight, Father."

With that, the two parents left the room, giving each other knowing smiles as they did.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two**

Steve turned to the side, scowling at the mirror. It wasn't that he looked _bad _in these new clothes (Tony had actually picked out a pretty nifty outfit for him to try on), it was that it didn't look _right_. There was something out of place, something that was just wrong about the way he wore it. He looked... awkward.

"How's it comin'?" Tony called from the other side of the stall door.

Steve gulped and tugged at his collar. "I... I think it's a bit tight around the neck."

There was a snort. "No way. Look buddy, I _know _how to buy stuff. There's no way it doesn't fit. Come out. I have to see this for myself."

Taking in a deep breath, Steve unlocked the stall door, letting it swing open. Tony, who was lounging on a chair with a glass of something alcoholic, made such a horrified face that Steve felt himself go read. It got worse when Tony burst out laughing.

"You look ridiculous!" he hooted, bending over and struggling to get in enough air. "Oh my God - you're a complete dork. That's the only word I can use. Well, the only one I can use that _you'll _approve of. Jesus, Steve, who taught you to dress? The nuns? Come on, boy scout. Modesty is frowned upon in this day and age. Show some skin for crying out loud!"

Steve glanced back in the mirror behind him. He had on a navy blue shirt that he'd button all the way up to the collar and had done the cuffs as well. Because it looked classy, he'd tucked the shirt into a pair of jeans that Tony had insisted on. Steve had wanted another pair of khakis, but his new friend was adamant that that would make him look 'like an old, perverted geezer'. Whatever that meant, it didn't sound good.

"Um..." Steve looked helplessly at Tony. "What should I...?"

Tony rolled his eyes and let out an exasperated noise. "You're still a virgin, aren't you? Well, _this _is gonna be harder than I thought. OK. First, unbutton your shirt to the third or fourth one. For some reason, women think collar bones are sexy. And seriously, don't keep the collar all crisp. Pop it out, like a gangster. Next, roll up your sleeves to the elbows. I don't care if you think you'll get cold; we'll buy you a jacket for that."

Steve did as he was told, feeling really weird as he did. This was a dress shirt, wasn't it? Weren't you supposed to look more proper when you wore one of those? After finishing, he looked back at Tony, searching for approval.

"Uh, no." Tony face-palmed, then looked back at Steve, shaking his head. "Untuck your shirt."

Wincing, Steve complied. This felt so... _awkward_. Everything was supposed to be neat; this was _way _too messy. Still, when Steve looked to the mirror again, he couldn't help but notice that this time, the outfit seemed less out of place. It belonged.

He didn't, though.

Tony stood, then came up behind him. With a huge grin, he clapped Steve on the back. "There ya go! See? Not so hard, is it? You look... well, not as good as me, but pretty close. Go ahead and change back - wait, you wore the plaid man-blouse. Never mind. Don't change back. Just grab your stuff and meet me at the cash register."

Steve moved forward and scooped his slacks and 'plaid man-blouse'. After checking to make sure he had cleaned everything up in the dressing room, he left the room. With long strides, he made his way towards the cash register.

All though he would never admit it, Steve enjoyed shopping - _here_. At Macy's, the one store that the captain had actually recognized. It was in the same building that it had been in almost seventy years ago, and the layout was practically identical. Steve seemed to know his way around the store better than Tony did.

However, Tony knew the mall like the back of hand, and Steve still didn't understand what a mall _was_. In his day, Macy's had carried pretty much everything you could ever need. People had to go to _other _stores now. He understood that it provided shoppers with more verity, but it was much simpler to have everything in one place.

Steve shrugged at the thought, and went to stand next to Tony at the register.

"Hey," Tony said, bringing him back to the present, "what do ya think of that dress? For Pepper."

Turning, Steve titled his head to the side to look at the dress Tony had indicated. It was white and, well, modern. Shorter than anything a dame from the forties would have ever worn, it was also a bit low cut. Lots of women had dress like that now, though, so Steve said, "It's pretty swell, I guess."

"Good." Tony nodded, then turned to send a big smile at the woman manning the register. Her face grew red, and she shifted her weight awkwardly. "I'll also take that dress over there in a size... five?"

The woman looked down. "They don't - they don't make dresses in odd number sizes, sir. Only evens, Mr. Stark, sir."

Tony tapped his chin in thought. "Well, I'll take a four and a six... and a two and an eight, just to be safe. I don't know what size she is..."

"Yes, sir." The woman hurried off, glancing back at them over her shoulder nervously. A moment later, she returned carrying a huge stack of fabric. Steve resisted the urge to go forward and help her (the last time he'd tried, Tony had smacked him, saying that it wasn't what you do anymore).

After Tony had paid, the two of them left the department store and headed back into the mall.

There were so many people here - and most of them weren't even shopping. They were just lollygagging about, walking without a purpose. Most of them were young. Geesh. What was wrong with the teens of America today? Didn't they have goals?

Steve ran smack into Tony, who'd stopped and was now staring transfixed at a spot to their left. Following the billionaire's gaze, he raised an eyebrow when he saw what Tony was looking at.

"Oh my God, Steve! Look at that!" Tony rushed forward, nearly knocking over some poor old lady as he did. Nose pressed up against the glass of the toy store window, he let out a little, slightly creepy, giggle of delight. "Look! I'm an action figure!"

Sure enough, on a display station in the window, was an Iron Man action figure. Actually, it wasn't just Tony - all of the Avengers were there. Even Steve in his Captain America costume. The captain felt his face grow red again. He was just a solider. He didn't deserve to be an action figure. There were plenty of men and women who were brave than him.

Tony brushed (pushed) past him and ran into the store. Cautiously, Steve followed, avoiding the slew of little kids and their parents as best he could.

_"I am Iron Man." _Tony waved the little doll around, grinning. He poked its back again. _"I am Iron Man."_ He laughed a crazy laugh. "OK. We're buying these. All of them. Here, hold me." With that, he tossed Steve the action figure and picked up the one of Captain America.

After the little button on its back was pressed, the Cap said, _"Avengers, assemble!"_

"I've never said that before," Steve muttered, frowning. "That's not my voice."

"They really don't care about that. See, I _have _a cool catchphrase, and you didn't, so they made one up for you and then had an actor say it. Relax. They do that all the time now." Tony handed the toy to Steve and proceeded to test out all the other ones.

An hour later, they exited the store carrying all of the mini-Avengers. They'd bought Tony, Steve, Thor (_"It's hammer time!"_), Carter (_"Shield's up!"_), Bruce in his Hulk form (_"Hulk smash!"_), Hawkeye (_"I never miss."_), and Natasha, who didn't say anything for some reason.

"You know, I think Roan would like these a lot," Steve said, thinking of the little boy. Sure he was the son of the guy who'd just tried to take over the world, but Loki wasn't all _that _bad, and Roan was, for lack of a better word, adorable. "He likes the toy soldiers Thor's been making for him. I think he'd like these."

Tony's grew wide, and he pulled the bag to his chest in a positively possessive manner. "What? Why?"

"Well, he'd like them. And it'd be nice to do. You don't really need toys, do you?"

"Uh, _yeah_."

Steve just looked at Tony.

Tony threw his hands in the air. "Oh, come on! I've been waiting for forever for them to make me into an action figure! And I bought these! They're mine!"

There was an awkward pause, and Steve practically could see the gears turning in Tony's head. Wincing slightly, the billionaire sighed and hung his head. He held the bag out to Steve. "Fine. Take it."

Beaming, Steve tugged the bag away from Tony's iron grip. "See? It's not so bad is it? Let's go give these to him now."

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

Carter lurched forward, choking as her seatbelt crushed her chest.

Wait... seatbelt? Seatbelts were in cars.

Looking around wildly, partially blinded by all the light streaming in from the windshield, Carter relaxed when she saw Bruce next to her in the driver's seat. He glanced over at her, a smile on his face that made her heart beat a little faster.

"Morning," he said, probably trying not to laugh at her bewildered expression. "How'd you sleep?"

"In a bed," she answered automatically. "How'd I get in the car? And... I wasn't wearing this when I fell asleep last night."

Bruce's face turning bright red was all she needed to see. With a laugh at his awkwardness, she straightened up in her seat. Blinking to try and get the sleep out of her eyes, Carter turned to look out the window.

With the flat, plain terrain and slew of palm trees along the sidewalk, it was clear that they were still in Florida. A community in Florida. Lots of little homes, all close together, were on either side of the road. Brick homes, wood homes, big ones, small ones. You name it, it was there. Carter shifted back, raising a questioning eyebrow at Bruce.

He didn't notice her. He was practically standing at the wheel, leaning over it and craning his neck as he looked at the houses, seeming to focus on their mailboxes. OK. So he was looking for a _specific _house.

"Bruce," Carter said slowly. "What are we doing?"

A grin crossed his face, but he didn't look at her. "You'll see."

Carter crossed her arms over her chest. With a snort, she scowled out the window, annoyed. She _hated _not knowing things. She always had. When she was a kid, and on the run, she used to steal _textbooks_ from other kids' backpacks, just so she could learn. It was sad, but true.

Bruce turned the car into the driveway of a little white house. After giving her a smile, he took the keys out of the ignition, and exited the car. He hurried around the other side, opening her door for her.

Carter hopped out and gave him a skeptical look. "We're not going to get arrested for this, are we?"

"No." He had this super excited look in his eyes, and frankly, it was making Carter a little nervous. Seeing this, Bruce laughed and wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

The two of them started walking forward, but before they got very far, the door of the house swung open.

Out stepped an old man in a bathrobe. Taller than either of them, he had a lean build for an old person, and looked like he was still in good enough shape to play football. His thick gray hair stuck up in all directions, like he'd just stuck his finger in an electrical socket. With wide blue eyes, he took the two of them in.

Carter's heart nearly stopped before switching gears and doing double time. No. No, it couldn't be...

Bruce leaned in, lips brushing the tips of ears. "Happy birthday," he whispered.

The old man stepped forward, a look of disbelief on his face. Then, a smile came. A smile Carter had missed so much.

Leaving the safety of Bruce's arms, she ran forward and into another man's, heart swelling up. Almost startled by her enthusiasm, the old man stumbled back before returning her hug. The two of them stood there, holding each other. The old man stroked her hair, tears slipping down his face and onto Carter's shirt.

She didn't mind. She was getting him equally wet.

"Carter," he said softly, his voice full of longing and hope. "Carter. I missed you so much."

With a deep, shaky breath, Carter nodded. "I missed you, too, Dad. I love you."

"I love you, too, kiddo." He paused, pulling her in closer. Mmm. He still smelled like chemicals and musky cologne. "I always knew you'd come back to us."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three**

This time, Thor grabbed Mjolnir before heading to answer the door. He had had enough of these people who had witnessed Jehovah. The god of thunder was not interested in going to "church". As an Avenger and protector of Asgard, he had _already_ devoted his life to the greater good.

He did not wish to "accept Jesus". He did not even know who this "Jesus" was.

Although Thor had told them as much, the witnesses of Jehovah were a persistent people, and had continued to ring the doorbell of Avengers Mansion until Barton had gone to greet them, sporting his bow and arrows.

Now that the archer and the rest of the Avengers were gone, it was up to Thor to deal with this.

_"Sir,"_ a disembodied voice rang out just as Thor reached for the door handle, startling him so. He still had not gotten used to the idea that the house could not only see him, but could also _speak _with him. _"Mr. Stark has requested that all personnel associated with _this_ particular group be granted both entry and courtesy. He wishes to continue doing business with them."_

Thor glared around the room so that the magical voice would get the message. "I have had enough, house. Friend Stark will understand my actions once I have told him my tale."

_"I doubt that, sir."_

Thor grumbled some Midgardian curses at the so-called JARVIS. Then, raising his hammer and putting on his best '_I've fought bigger_' face, he flung the door open with a battle cry that would send most Jotuns running.

And, apparently, would get most little girls to burst into tears.

Thor's eyes widened as he took in the two small children who were dressed in blue and brown uniforms. The blond one had buried her face into the back of the dark one, who stared at the ground and sobbed uncontrollably.

Guilt flooded through him. "Oh, no - I - I did not mean to - " Mjolnir went slack in his hand, and he hung his head in shame. "Please, do not cry young ones! It was an accident - I was expecting Jehovah's people! Forgive me!"

The dark one looked up at him, tears streaming down her face. Her eyes grew large as they traveled up, up, up to his face. "Giant!" she cried, pointing at him as the tears began to flow once more. "You're a giant! Please, sir - please don't eat us!" Her friend's wails grew louder at that.

Thor looked down at himself. He was not even in his armor - could he really be so frigtening? Relazing that his height was the issue, he knelt down. "I am no giant. Nay! That would make me a small giant indeed."

At that, the little girl stopped crying, and her friend looked up. Thor still felt horrible, though; what kind of a man reduced children to tears? Remembering what JARVIS had said about business endeavors, Thor decided that the best way to placate them was to buy whatever it was they were selling. He gestured to the red wagon they were dragging along. "What is it that you are vending, little mortal girls?"

The two of them exchanged glances before the bolder dark one replied, "Girl Scout cookies. If we sell enough, we win a bike."

"We really want the bike," the blond piped up, looking at him through watery eyes, a smile flickering on her face.

"How many of these 'Girl Scout cookies' must you sell in order to achieve your goal and get your bike?"

"Four hundred and fifty boxes."

Thor stood and stamped his foot decisively, causing the two girls to jump back a bit. "Then I shall take four hundred and fifty boxes!" he declared, grinning at them.

"Of - of what kind?" the blond stuttered.

The god thought for a moment. "Of _all _of them!"

The girls let out little sounds of delight and jumped up in the air in order to release their pent up joy. Thor gave himself a satisfied nod; he had done well to turn their spirits around. "What's your name, sir?"

"Thor Odinson."

"OK." They quickly scribbled that down on a sheet of paper they had produced from seemingly no where. "Cash or check?"

Thor considered. Friend Stark usually kept the Midgardian paper money with him... but he left his little blue book that magically made the equivalent at home. "I shall pay using a check."

"Alighty, sir. Your total is $40,500." The dark one looked up at him with a gleam in her eye. "Could you please make that out to 'The Girl Scouts of America'?"

"Aye," Thor replied, beaming at their smiling faces.

He had done a good thing today.

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

Bruce wasn't sure which part of the picture was more amusing: the bobble-head baseball guy, or the fact that an eight-year old Carter looked ecstatic to be there with him. Her smile was so big that the corners of her mouth seemed to disappear underneath oversized reflective aviators.

In the background, thousands of fans were frozen mid-cheer as the Atlanta Braves took on the Cleveland Indians for the World Series title. Little did they know that this particular game would not end with their _usual _fireworks, but instead, a very different explosion in the sky.

And little did the Carter in the picture know that in just a couple of minutes, she's stop a plane from crashing into the packed stadium. Moments after _that_, _she'd _be the one who was considered a terrorist. Because she blew up a plane. Saved a lot of people, but blew up a plane to do it. _The army is confused._

Those thoughts aside, it was a pretty funny picture. And it didn't help that Carter appeared to be missing her front teeth; she looked adorable.

Bruce turned back to look at the two McIntyres. While he sat alone in a large, cushy chair, they shared a couch opposite him. Carter was wrapped up like a burrito in an old navy and red Braves blanket, perched near the arm rest as she told her story.

_'Carter's Great Canadian Adventure'_, Bruce thought to himself. He'd heard it before, so he knew this version was a bit more... PG. Even as an adult, Carter was clearly trying to avoid admitting to her dad that she'd done some awkward things.

Her story was interrupted by the sound of her Stark phone ringing. Carter picked it up, put it to her ear, and almost immediately recoiled, wincing in pain. _Looks like Lily called her back. _With an apologetic look, she got up to take the call in the kitchen.

When Mr. McIntyre turned his gaze to him, Bruce stiffened and felt his insides go cold. He knew what was next, and he'd always hated this part of dating; the part where the father shows you his gun collection, followed by his various assortment of hunting knives, and, sometimes, all the awards he won as a sniper in Vietnam.

"So, Bruce." Mr. McIntyre said, sitting back a bit in his chair. "Tell me about yourself."

Bruce let out a nervous laugh and ran a hand through his hair. "Where should I start?"

"When you turned yourself into the Hulk."

Bruce let out a strangled noise as he stared in shock at the older man, who laughed at his expression.

"I'm only joking. I know all about that." Mr. McIntyre grinned, his eyes lighting up. "I'm a scientist, too, you know. I've worked with everything from stars to your preferred gamma. You're something of legend in that field. It's hard find any gamma research that doesn't have your name somewhere on it. As creepy as I'm sure it sounds, I know all about you, Dr. Banner."

All he could do was stare at him. Bruce had _not _been expecting anything along those lines.

Mr. McIntyre noticed Bruce's awkwardness. "Relax, son. I'm not here to grill you. No, I did that _way _too many times with Lily. I know that Carter can take care of herself - and beat the crap out of you, if it comes down to it." Then, (and Bruce could practically see the lightbulb going on over his head) he leaned forward, clasping his hands in front of him. "You haven't hurt her, have you?"

Bruce's face grew horribly red, and he hung his head in shame. Guilty feelings came rushing back, and the horrible memories of seeing Carter hurt clouded his vision.

"So you have."

He looked up to face Mr. McIntyre, sure that he seemed positively desperate. "I - I did. But I will never, _ever _do it again. I've made sure of that."

Mr. McIntyre cocked his head to the side. "And how have you managed that?" A grin crossed his face, and got that look all scientists get when they realize something. "You've found a cure, haven't you? Well? What is it? How does it work?"

"I injected myself with another dose of gamma - "

"You _really _like self-experimentation, don't you? Sorry. Continue."

"I injected myself with another dose of gamma," Bruce continued, slowly gaining confidence. "See, because the original dose had already combined with my blood cells, it had created a new substance. When the second gamma arrived, it tried to join my cells as well, but because there was already a different gamma-esque substance - "

"The two gamma products fought each other for access to your blood. And then killed each other off, leaving you cured," Mr. McIntyre finished. "Are you sure it worked, though? It's nice in theory, but there's always a chance that not all of the gamma cells died."

Bruce, who was very aware that that was still a possibility, shrugged. "I haven't Hulked-out yet. I'm taking that as a god sign."

From the kitchen, Carter let out a laugh, and Bruce's heart did a little tap-dance at the sound of it. He smiled to himself, just thinking about her. It was pathetic, really.

Then, butterflies filling his stomach, he turned to face Carter's dad. "Uh, Mr. McIntyre - "

"Call me John."

"Um, John..." Bruce trailed off, rubbing the back of his neck. "Can I - can I ask you something?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four**

_"What do you want your engagement ring to look like?"_

Carter was glad that she'd finished drinking her coffee _before _Tony had called because if she'd had any liquid in her mouth at the time, she would have spewed it across the table and all over Bruce. Frowning out at nothing, Carter shook her head. "What?"

There was a scoffing sound on the other end of the line. _"You're going to marry me. What do you want your engagement ring to look like?"_

"Well, I'm not gonna marry you unless you ask politely," she replied, completely unable to see where this was going.

Bruce, who'd been mid-bagel at the time, started choking. When he managed to swallow, he gave her a horrified look."Wait, _what_?"

"Nothing," Carter said, shaking her head and laughing a bit as his expression. "Tony's probably just being an idiot."

_"Hey!"_ the idiot in question squawked indignantly. _"I heard that!" _

Carter rolled her eyes. "You were supposed to. Now, care to explain what's going on _without _forcing me to commit?"

_"I'm engagement ring shopping and I wanted a womea's opinion. The only other person in the store is some old guy, and how's he supposed to know what Pepper wants?"_

"You're getting an engagement ring for Pepper?" A sort of foreign, girlish delight filled her. Across the table, Bruce visibly relaxed and gave her a weak smile.

Tony snorted again. _"Well, _yeah_. I mean, she's been nagging me for practically forever and we've been living together for years. We're pretty much already married; I just wanted to make it official."_

"If you really wanna marry her, you'd better not say that while proposing."

_"Right. Got it." _There was a sound like Tony had just opened a case on the other end. _"But seriously. I need advice. What did Bruce get you?"_

Now it was Carter's turn to choke. First Lily saying something along those lines, and then Roan calling him 'Uncle Bruce', and now Tony? Really? "Why does everyone keep... I... Look. What does _Pepper _like?"

_"Um... strawberries," _he decided after a moment. _"Or maybe she's allergic to strawberries. I can never remember which You know what, that has nothing to do with jewelry, so never mind. I think she likes... diamonds? Don't all girls like diamonds? Diamonds are a girl's best friend, so that's probably a given."_

Carter face-palmed and did a silent prayer for Pepper. "Yes, Tony. Diamonds are a given. Let's try something else. What _is she _like?"

_"What do you mean?"_

"Just..." Carter shrugged and waved her hand in the air. "Describe her for me."

Tony paused. _"Well, she's beautiful. Not overly overbearing like some women, but kind of classically pretty. And she's, um, well-shaped. The proper phrase would be clean-cut, but you know that that's not really what I meant. She's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I really don't deserve her."_

"That is the most romantic thing you have ever said. I'm proud of you, wingman. Now just go tell that old guy everything you said, and he'll find you a ring that's like her."

_"Really?" _Tony sounded genuinely surprised. _"That works? Huh. Well, thanks. I'll just - oh, shit! Rhodey's outside the window and he's glaring daggers at me. Gotta go. Thanks, Carter!"_

With that, the other end went dead. Rolling her eyes at her wingman's behavior and just him in general, Carter slipped the phone back into her pocket. When she looked up, Bruce was giving her a weird look.

"What was that about?" he asked in a slightly strangled voice. He wasn't still choking on bagel bits, was he? No, that wasn't it. Bruce had been acting strange ever since they'd gotten to the airport. It had gotten worse after they went through security, when he'd been pulled over because of something he'd had in his pocket.

He was so jumpy that at this rate, people would begin to think he was a terrorist.

Instead of pressing the matter too much, Carter gave him a simple reply. "He wanted a girl's opinion on the kind of ring he should get Pepper."

"Oh?" Bruce raised an eyebrow, his voice an octave higher than normal. "Is that all he said?"

"That, and his friend Rhodey was pissed at him." Carter pulled her ticket out of her pocket and looked at the boarding time, then to the clock. "Hey, why are we stopping in Philly?"

"I, uh, couldn't get a direct flight."

Carter shot him a skeptical look. "You couldn't get a direct flight from the world's busiest airport to the world's most popular city. OK, what is it really?"

His face grew red, and he looked down at the ground, ashamed. He was so cute when he did that. "It's the second part of your birthday present."

She grinned widely. "You are absolutely amazing. Have I told you that recently?"

"No, but I already knew," he replied, matching her smile. In one swift movement, he stood slung his backpack over his shoulder. "We should probably get going." He held out his hand to her.

Carter let him pull her to her feet, a warm feeling spreading through her.

She was the luckiest person on the face of the Earth.

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

Rhodey wasn't sure what embarrased him more: that he and Tony were over an hour late, or that the CEO of Stark Industries was wearing sweatpants and a ratty t-shirt to a club. Not a club where you go dancing, but a club were old ladies play bridge.

A club where Tony was going to be playing _golf _with the Bruce Wayne, the man whose company was predicted to surpass Stark Industries within the next year. Both Rhodey and Pepper had thought that it would be an excellent idea for the two self-proclaimed genius billionaire playboy philanthropists to be on good terms.

They weren't off to a very promising start.

Rhodey, who, even though he was only caddying, was sporting his Air Force uniform, stalked ahead of Tony.

"Hey, wait a sec! When did you get so fast?" Tony pulled even with Rhodey, a stupid grin plastered on his face. "You're really not even going to comment on the fact that you found me at Tiffany's, shopping for an engagement ring?"

Unable to take Tony and his flippant attitude anymore, Rhodey whirled around. "I am not going to _comment_," he hissed, "because what I have to say will get my ass kicked out of this club. This is an important business deal Tony, and you're not taking this seriously enough! Do you know that the army is thinking of coming after your suit again? If you don't become best friends with this man, you're company is going to be screwed over. And then we lose faith in your ability to _do _things. You're too... everywhere. Unless you focus on something, and believe me, the army wants it to be your company, you're going to get so fu-"

"Am I interrupting something?" A smooth voice said from behind.

The two of them turned. There stood the man they'd come to see.

The first thing that Rhodey noticed was that _Bruce Wayne _knew how to dress when you went golfing. A pair of black slacks, a white polo, and a Rick Santorium style sweater-vest (mind you, Wayne managed to look _cool _in his) told the lieutenant colonel that much. He shot them both a lazy smile, and peered over the tops of his dark sunglasses to give them an almost playful look.

"You must be Tony Stark," Wayne said, holding his hand out to Tony. Much to Rhodey's relief, his friend had enough sense to take it and shake it.

With an equally cocky grin, he replied, "That I am. Pleasure to meet you, Mr. Wayne. I hope my friend here didn't keep you waiting too long."

Before Rhodey could move to strangle Tony, Wayne laughed and shook his head. "It's not a problem at all. Truthfully, we were a little late as well. Alfred here couldn't find an ugly enough outfit."

"I think a did a fairly good. And from what you've said to me so far, Master Wayne, you agree," a cockney accent interjected. Rhodey turned his gaze once again to see an older man in a bright pink and yellow polo and green plaid pants.

"If you'd tried harder, I'm sure you could have found something," Wayne insisted. "Now. How about we play some golf?"

* * *

Tony had done nothing to help Stark and Wayne Industries form any kind of agreement. It was clear that he wasn't interested in that.

Fortunately, it seemed that Wayne wasn't either.

Another bright side was that the two billionaires seemed to be getting on famously. At first, they'd gotten into the general 'my island is bigger than yours' thing, but it had quickly progressed into something more.

"Favorite thing my money bought?" Tony asked, looking up from his putter. "Definitely to suit. I am Iron Man, you know. What about you? Which Russian ballet dancer is your favorite?"

Wayne laughed. "I didn't buy those dancers; I rented them out. But the best thing I've ever bought..." he trailed off. Then, with a quick glance back to Alfred, he replied, "My tank."

Tony, who'd been in the middle of a put, hit the ball so hard that it went flying into the next hole's green (not for the first time). He looked up, eyes huge and mouth hanging open. "Tank? You have a tank?" Frowning, he turned to Rhodey. "Oh, so he can have a tank, and the army's cool with that, but if I make one little suit that technically has unlimited power, it becomes a big deal?"

"Yes." Rhodey scowled at Wayne. "You are kidding about the tank, though, aren't you? Because if you're not, I believe the army may have a bone to pick with you."

"The army's already got a bone to pick with me," Wayne said dismissively, waving it off. "They can't really do anything about it; I mean, I've got a _tank_."

* * *

"I'll take the nine iron gold-crest, Alfred," Wayne said in what was probably the most business-like tone anyone but Rhodey had used all day.

Alfred selected the desired club and handed it to his employer. "An excellent choice, sir."

After lining up, Wayne went smoothly into his swing, hitting the ball with a satisfying clinking sound. It flew several hundred yards, landing on the putting green and rolling within mere feet of the hole. Smirking, Wayne bowed to Tony. "All yours, my friend."

Rhodey knew what that determined look meant. Tony swaggered up to the tee, placed a ball on it, and pretended to think a moment.

"Rhodey," he said in a cocky voice. "I'll take my fifteen silver round-about with the molded handle and twelve percent drop."

"I have no idea what that means, Tony."

Tony gave him a horrified look. "My fifteen silver round-about with the molded handle and twelve percent drop! Come on, man! You know what I'm talking about." He sighed, shaking his head. "Fine. If you can't find it, I guess I'll settle for the three copper clubber with the jeweled encrusted side and the self-correcting swing module."

"Tony," Rhodey, growled, officially losing what little patience he'd managed to keep. "You have one iron, one chipper, and one putter. Pick from that. I am not Batman. I cannot just whip some magical _bat-club _out of my butt."

Both Wayne and Alfred burst out laughing. "Bat-club!" Wayne exclaimed as he clutched his side. "Oh, I need one of those!"

The other two men stared at them as they continued to laugh like a couple of crazy people.

Maybe there was some kind of inside joke he and Tony just didn't get?

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

Tony was extremely proud. Sure, Wayne had beaten him by over forty point, but a one twenty was his PB. Plus, Wayne was going to take him out for a drink sometime, and Tony was always happy when there was alcohol involved.

Overall, despite Rhodey's obvious displeasure, it had gone pretty well.

Now, he walked through the halls of Avengers Mansion, trying to remember which room was his. Yes, it was technically his house, but he really just knew where the kitchen and his work-shop was. He usually didn't do things like 'sleep'. There was coffee for that.

Suddenly, Tony cocked his head to the side. Was that... crying? Was that a _girl _crying? He sure hoped so, because the only other guy in the house at the moment was Thor, and Thor should not be able to make such feminine sounds. That would be absolutely disturbing.

Following the sounds, Tony passed a couple of doors before entering one on his right. What he found made _him _feel awful.

Pepper looked up at him, eyes red and nose just as mis-colored. Next to her on the bed sat a box of tissues and some chocolates. Uh-oh. He must have forgotten something. Her birthday? Their anniversary? Had her cat died? Wait, did she even have a cat?

"Peps," he said, striding across the room and plopping down next to her. "What's wrong?"

Her lip trembled, and he was tempted to kiss it to make it stop. However, he's just asked her a question that he wanted her to answer, so he resisted that urge. Pepper's grey eyes, filled with tears and sorrow, moved their gaze to the floor.

"Wrong? I don't know if... I mean, it's just... I can't even begin to imagine what will happen now..."

Tony cocked his head to the side and wrapped an arm around her. "Is this how you feel when you talk to me? Because none of that made any sense, and I'm really lost now."

"Tony." She took in a deep, shaky breath. Then, like a frightened child, looked back to him. She shifted away from him, as if... scared of him. Of how he would react.

"I'm pregnant."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five**

Tony had always heard about mini-heart-attacks. That moment when somethings catches you so off guard that you're pretty sure you've died for a second there. Times like when you _think _you've won the lottery, but it turns out that that's actually a 7 and not the 1 you needed, or when you're positive there's one more stair, but there isn't. However, being Tony effing Stark, he'd never had one of those.

Until now.

"You... you..." he gasped at Pepper. She stared up at him with a pained look, one that nearly tore his heart into pieces. Determination set in. "Who was it, Pepper? Who did it? I'll kill him. Was it Barton? Because if it was Barton, I swear to God, I'm gonna - "

He was interrupted when she smacked him upside the head. "You idiot," she said through tears. "_You're _the father! We've been together for nearly four months now!"

"Oh." Tony felt his face grow red. Yeah, that'd been a fairly large amount of stupidity on his part.

Wait... _him_? _He _was the father? A grin spread across his face, and judging by the way Pepper was staring, he looked rather crazy. "I'm the dad?" He leapt to his feet, letting out a laugh. "Me? I'm the father? Oh, Pepper, this is great! I'm gonna be a dad, and you're gonna be a mom! This is... this is freaking awesome!"

"No, Tony. It's _not _awesome." Pepper started shaking again. "I'm pregnant and not married. This is a problem."

Not to Tony, it wasn't. "Well, then, let's get married! Right now - we'll just go down to the courthouse and do it! Seriously, Pepper! Marry me!"

"Tony... I don't want you to marry me just because you got me pregnant."

His mood plummeted, and a frown formed. A very, very deep frown. He wasn't going to lie - that one had hurt. "You don't really think that _that's _why I want to marry you, do you?"

When she wouldn't look him in the eyes, he had his answer. In one very swift and cornily romantic movement, Tony knelt down at her feet. He took her hand in his, and looked up at her, a small smile on his face. Then, remembering the little box in his pocket (Yes - he _had _forgotten about it... don't judge him, he was playing golf with Bruce Wayne.), he pulled it out and opened it.

Pepper gasped, putting a hand to her chest. She took in the simple, single diamond on the gold band with large, teary eyes. Tony silently prayed that they were tears of joy now, instead of the distressed ones from before.

"Pepper Potts. I bought this for you this morning. You know, _before _I knew you were pregnant. I love you, Peps. You're my best friend, and, let's face it, I'd be utterly and completely lost without you. Like literally. I'd still be wandering the halls right now if I hadn't heard you, and - you know what, I'm getting off track here. My point is, I love you and you make me happy and will you marry me?"

"I - I - yes. Yes, Tony, I'll marry you."

Tony pulled her into a quick hug. Then, releasing her and practically bounding to the door like an over-excited puppy, he said. "Great! Let's go find us a judge!"

Pepper face-palmed.

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

Bruce had never been so nervous in his entire life.

Of course, it didn't help that every single Phillies fan within a twenty foot radius (also known as their entire section) was ready to kill Carter, who was going out of her way to point out that the Braves had just come back from being down 12 - 0, and were about to score the run that would give them the lead. Most of the people at Citizens Bank Park were giving them a death glare.

So Bruce could just add 'possibly getting murdered' to his list of things to worry about.

Carter didn't seem to notice.

"Ha! What now!" She pumped her fist in the air and jumped up. Eyes intent on the field, she leaned over the person in front of them, who turned to glare at Bruce like '_Control your girlfriend_'.

"Come on, Georgie! Steal! Steeeeeeaaal! You're faster than Halladay! Home plate is only ninety feet away! Come on, man!"

"I don't think he can hear you," Bruce told her meekly, silently wishing she's sit back down and just _watch_. He rolled the Stark Phone around in his hands, unable to keep still.

She snorted, not moving. "That or he's just not listening." Then, waving her arm back and forth in a frantic tomahawk chop, she turned attention back to the field. "Let's go guys! You can beat these losers!"

Bruce shrunk down in his seat as the guy behind him literally _growled_. Oh, God, let it be over soon. Please.

_Before they kill us._

Fortunately, someone must have heard his prayer, because they next batter struck out, ending the inning. Frowning, Carter plopped back down in her seat and crossed her arms over her chest. With her bottom lip stuck out like that, she looked like an upset child. A really attractive child...

_Focus! You have a _job _to do!_

As the players exited the field, music began to blare out over the crowd. Bruce cocked his head to the side and frowned, surprised that he recognized it; if he wasn't mistaken, it was _Marry Me_. He could only hope that that was a _good _sign. The screens that surrounded the stadium filled with texts that people had wanted broadcasted, like they did during every seventh inning stretch.

His would be up there soon.

Op. There it was. Bruce glanced nervously at Carter, who was playing with the cotton-candy bag, oblivious to the message on screen. Well, that _wouldn't_ do.

"Hey," Bruce said, jumping to his feet. He placed one hand on her shoulder and then pointed up towards a section across from them. "Is that the Phanatic and Homer getting into a fist fight?"

In a flash, Carter was up and practically climbing over the nice man in front of them (who was probably ready to do them both serious harm). "_What_? Where? I don't see - "

When she froze, Bruce knew that yes, she'd seen it. There, in big bold letters, was:

_CARTER, MARRY ME? - BRUCE_

With enough butterflies in his stomach to set any serious lepidopterist for life, Bruce sank to one knee. He fumbled around in his coat pocket until he finally grasped at little velvet box, then he pulled it out and opened it.

Carter still hadn't turned around. Mouth slightly open, she spun on one heel, a completely blank look on her face. _Please just let that mean 'neutrality'..._

Her eyes grew wide when she saw him there. Unsure of how to go from there, Bruce just raised an eyebrow and cocked his head to the side. His heart was pounding. If she didn't say anything soon, he was fairly sure he was going to explode. "Will you marry me?"

"Well, _yeah_," she said, looking at him like he was crazy. "Of course!"

A grin stretched across her face, and Bruce could feel one forming on his own. He leapt to his feet, took her hand, and slipped the ring onto her finger. It looked perfect on her. Wrapping his arms around her, he pulled her to him as tightly as he could.

When a huge roar erupted from the crowd, he drew back just enough to look up. On the JumboTron was a huge shot of him and Carter, there for all to see. Carter shot the crowd a smirk, causing them to laugh. Below their image, a word showed up, flashing.

_KISS._

Bruce turned to face Carter, looking at her like he was asking for permission. She just laughed and leaned in.

Kissing her felt even better were there was forty-thousand odd people cheering for him.

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

"What manner of creature is this 'Barney Stinson'?" Thor asked, leaning forward and staring puzzled at the TV. "Surely, he is not of Earth. No creature on this realm is so vulgar, yet so charming."

Steve had to agree with Thor there - Barney Stinson was probably the most rude and inappropriate person he had ever seen, and he has served in the _army_. But, as much of a jerk as Barney was, there was something so charismatic about him that Steve couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculous things he said. Sort of like Tony, only this man was more, dare he say it? Legen - wait for - dary.

"He's from Earth, Thor," Clint replied as he stretched out on the couch. "He's just one of the few people who are as amazing as I am." The archer examined his nails in a nonchalant manner.

There was a snort from the other side of the room. All three of the Avengers turned to see Coulson, leaning in the doorframe. The SHIELD agent was in the exact same position he'd been in at the start of the last episode.

Clint just looked at him. "What are you still doing here? Don't you have someone to go taser?"

"I couldn't find Stark," he grumbled, crossing his arms. "I decided that it'd be best to keep an eye on you three after that."

"No, you just like this show. I bet you watch it all the time. You wanna know who the mom is." Clint grinned and crossed his arms in a similar, challenging way.

"That is in no way true. I have no interest in finding out who Ted marries."

"Aha!" Clint leapt to the edge of the couch, perched on it like a bird. "So you _do _watch this show! I knew it!"

Coulson's face grew red. "I do not - "

"Oh, honey! We're home!"

Less than five seconds after announcing his presence, Tony strode through the door. His arm was wrapped around Pepper Potts, who was wearing the white-dress that Tony and Steve had bought earlier. And Tony... Tony was wearing a suit and bow-tie, with a corsage.

The billionaire steered his girlfriend int the room, a huge smile on his face. "Hey guys," he said in his usual confident tone. "Pepper and I got married."

Clint started sputtering like he was doing a spit take, Thor had this completely lost and confused look on his face, Coulson looked like he was mid-heart-attack, and Steve just said, "What?"

"We're married!" Tony repeated, grin growing wider. He held up his hand, and dragged Pepper's with it, to show them all the rings. "And Pepper's pregnant!"

Pepper's face grew red, and she looked down at the floor. Steve probably felt as awkward as she did. Next to him, Clint gave him a look like, _Aren't you gonna miss 'Not a Father's Day'?_, and Thor let out a laugh. "Congratulations Friend Stark and Lady Potts. Or should I say, Lady Stark?"

"Yes," Coulson said tightly, coming out of his conniption. "Congrats."

Tony grabbed his hand and shook it. "Thanks, Mom. And I hope you don't mind, but you'll be watching the little tyke - _Super Nanny_."

Coulson let out a strangled sound, ducked his head, and fled the room, muttering something about "Spawn of Stark".

The rest of the Avengers stared at Tony, who was watching Coulson leave. Then, he turned back to them with a huge grin. "So. Who wants wedding cake?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six**

There were three things that Erik Lehnsherr hated with every fiber of his being: Nazis, the human race in general, and losing.

It was the third thing that caused him to go to the New York Public Library every Thursday evening. Once there, he would make his way to the back and sit at the lone, old chess table in the corner. And then he would practice.

He knew from the looks that most people gave him that they thought he was crazy. Playing chess with yourself did make you give off an air of that manner. Still, it was the best way Erik could practice for his weekly chess games with Charles - by playing someone who would know his every move before he made it. It just so happened that that person was himself.

He was determined to beat Charles _without _having to wear his helmet. Wearing his helmet would technically make it a fair game, but Erik wanted to be able to beat his old frienemy while both parties used their powers. Really, it was just the principle of the thing.

Erik sat back and examined the chess board, stretching out his arthritic fingers as he did. Once he'd made up his mind, a white pawn slid forward two spaces. With a wave of his hand, the board rotated around so that Erik was now the black pieces. For a brief moment, he debated whether or not sending his bishop into the fray was a good idea. Deciding that it was a piece he could live without, he did. Then, he moved the board one-hundred and eighty degrees again.

He sensed them before he saw them. The sudden chunk of metal entering his proximity made his sense go haywire. Not allowing them the pleasure of seeing him surprised, Erik refused to let his eyes leave the chess board, even as he heard the wheels coming closer.

"You'd better be winning," a gruff voice muttered.

Erik glanced up and gave Logan a smug look. When the younger (technically older) mutant bristled, Erik, feeling satisfied, turned his attention to Charles. Always impeccably dressed, the bald man wore his usual navy suit and red tie, while Erik was in his standard trench coat and fedora.

Yes, he was aware that that type of attire scared people. Why do you think he made a point of wearing it?

"Hello, old friend," Erik greeted. "What brings you here? I do hope it's not the chess match. As you can see, I'm not fully prepared."

Charles smiled. Pressing a button, he sent his wheelchair forward so that he was even with the other side of the table. "No, Erik. I've come to discuss a much more pressing matter than chess. Although, now that I've mentioned it, I can't help but notice that you shouldn't have moved your bishop. It's quite vulnerable where you've put it."

"I'm aware of the risks I'm taking." Erik narrowed his eyes slightly as he searched his friend's face for a hint of a double meaning. Either Charles had a fabulous poker face, or he was _only _talking about chess. After a pause, the metal-user prompted, "What is it you and your pet have come to discuss?"

There was a snarl and the shrieking of metal as Logan extended his claws and moved towards Erik. "Watch it, bub."

Erik gave him the same smile he would give to a foolish child. "Must we do this, Logan?"

"Logan," Charles snapped, cutting the Canadian off before he could growl his response. "Sit." Reluctantly, Logan pulled up a chair and joined them at the table.

Charles nodded in approval. Then, he looked back at Erik, a spark in his eyes. No good ever came from that spark, as Erik knew first-hand. "I've come to discuss the Avengers with you."

"Ah, yes." Erik picked up his rook and twirled it about in his hands. "The Avengers. I cannot say that I was around to see their display of heroics, but from what I gathered, it was rather impressive. What about them, Charles? Please, don't beat around the bush. I am a very busy man, after all."

"I've been in contact with their director, a man named Nicholas Fury. He's requested that the X-Men back the Avengers," Charles gave him a meaningful look. "I've come to tell you that we have an alliance."

Erik smirked. "Then it seems that the Brotherhood is now officially at war with the Avengers."

"Now, Erik," the other man chided. "We've been at peace for months; please, keep it that way. There's no need for useless fighting." Charles glanced at Logan, who was glaring rather violently at the ground. "That is not the only reason I have come."

Erik only raised an eyebrow. He was growing tired of Charles's attempts to beat around the bush.

"As an official way to form this... treaty," Charles began with a wave of his hand, "Logan has agreed with join their team."

"He uses the term 'agreed' loosely," Logan said roughly, making a face at he floor.

Charles smiled, clearly amused. "Yes, and _that _is why I've come to you, old friend. I have to attend to the school, and therefore cannot ensure that Logan will behave himself. I'd hate for him to do something truly offensive - we cannot afford to start a feud with the Avengers."

"I'm afraid I don't quite see where you're going with this, Charles." Erik placed the piece back on the board with a satisfying clank.

"I would ask that you keep an eye on Logan. As a favor to me."

Erik knew he did not have much of a choice. If he refused, Charles would play the old 'you paralyzed me' card. Not wanting to open that old wound, Erik nodded his head once. "As you wish."

"Thank you, Erik." Charles moved his wheelchair out, and Logan stood to follow. Before he went after the professor, he shot one last death glare in Erik's direction.

The old mutant chuckled to himself. There were possibilities in this...

_Never mind that now_, he thought decidedly. _ Hmmm... pawn to F6? _

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

Coulson truly was a Super Nanny. Not in the sense that he was super at nannying (the amount of burnt down buildings would tell you that), but in the sense that the people he nannied were 'super'.

His first assignment had been Clint Barton, your typical runaway turned circus performer turned solider turned assassin for SHIELD. In retrospect, Barton hadn't been too difficult. His only issue with the archer had been when Barton had first received his exploding arrows. There were still parts of America that Coulson and Barton couldn't set foot in without having the local militia come down on them.

Next had been Stark. Don't even get him _started _on Stark. Coulson really hadn't even nannied the guy - because Stark never told him _anything_. It'd mostly been the SHIELD agent chasing after the billionaire, and failing to catch up. It was during that time period that Coulson's hair had _really _started thinning.

After that came Steve Rogers. Coulson absolutely loved watching Steve. He never questioned his authority, he was polite, and he didn't go running off at random times for no obvious reasons. Not once had he endangered people in any way, shape, or form. In Coulson's opinion, SHIELD needed more people like Steve.

McIntyre (Carter McIntyre) had been the shortest job. She'd been with under his watch for less than a week before the Avengers had officially assembled, and in that time had only managed to turn the lower levels of SHIELD's labs into a highly toxic, gamma filled, off-limits area. Compared to Barton and Stark's track record, that was really nothing. Plus, McIntyre had insisted that there had actually been a point to her experiment, and the new found radioactivity of the place had helped to prove it.

Now, Coulson ("Son of Coul") was stuck with Thor. Thor was a good guy, he really was, but he was a complete idiot. Sort of a like a very large golden retriever puppy; lovable and friendly, but likely to run head-first into a glass door.

"Where are they?" Thor growled, craning his neck forward as he scanned the crowd that was pouring out of JFK airport. "Their bifrost-boat should have arrived by now."

Coulson resisted a very strong urge to hit himself. Repeatedly. "It's called an airplane, Thor. And they have to get their luggage; they could be a while."

The god of thunder did not look pleased with that answer. He crossed his huge arms, and glared at the door across from them, as if that would make his girlfriend and her assistant show up faster. Above them, the sky seemed to darken. Coulson, who for once in his life was not fully prepared for something (no umbrella this time), hoped that the two women would show up before Thor made it rain.

With another nervous glance towards the sky, Coulson whipped out his phone and began sliding it back and forth absentmindedly.

Next to him, Thor perked up. He beamed brightly, and with a deep, booming laugh, rushed across the street. Taxis and cars screeched to a halt, honking obscene honks at the god, who paid them no notice. Funny, because as far as Coulson knew, Thor had actually been hit by a car several times already. Shouldn't that make him a bit sensitive to the 'self-driving carriages'?

Deciding that he'd never know what went on in that guy's mind, Coulson jogged across the street, using the path Thor had cleared.

He immediately slowed down when he got closer. Thor and his girlfriend, Jane Foster, had wasted no time in saying hello. Coulson felt himself pull a face.

"Get a room," a woman muttered as she stalked by, mirroring the same disgusted look Coulson wore. She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose and adjusted her shoulder bag as she looked Coulson up and down. "Do they not pay you enough to go buy new clothes? 'Cause that's the same suit you were wearing a year ago."

"Miss Lewis," Coulson replied, smiling tightly. "It's nice to see you again, too."

Darcy snorted. Then, she fixed him with a glare that made him, Agent Phil Coulson, feel a bit... scared. "I never got my iPod back."

"You'll be provided with a new one when we arrive at SHIELD's headquarters."

After that, the two fell into an uncomfortable silence. Every now and then, they'd glance over at Thor and Jane, who showed no sign of having to come up for air anytime soon. They just continued to make-out, right there in the middle of the sidewalk. People (besides Coulson and Darcy) where beginning to stare funny. The lovers were completely oblivious.

It was times like this that made Coulson sure he was going to die alone. Alone - while babysitting all of the Avengers' kids.

He sighed and ran a hand through his thinning hair. He needed a raise.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven**

Tony Stark stumbled into the kitchen, half dressed and half asleep. So far his honeymoon (even if it _was _taking place in Avengers Mansion) was going fairly well. After all, this was the first time he'd left the room in a little over a day.

He'd had to wait for Pepper to fall asleep before sneaking out of their room to go get some food. He couldn't keep going on empty like this, as much as he wished he could. Plus, he figured Pepper would be really... _appreciative _if she woke up to breakfast in bed. Tony grinned at the thought as he strutted into the kitchen.

He stopped short and had his second mini-heart-attack of the week.

"Morning!" Carter chirped brightly, a sly smile spreading slowly across her face. She was sitting at the counter, a coffee mug in one hand and Bruce's hand in the other. The scientist offered Tony an apologetic look for the scare they'd given him. Carter, on the other hand, looked pleased at her handiwork. "You know, we should really get a big dog or something. The security system is too polite; JARVIS actually _invited _us into the house."

Pretending that his heart _hadn't _just stopped beating, Tony waved his hand in the air dismissively. He continued forward, sliding into the chair across from them. From his peripherals, he noticed a sparkle. Carter was wearing an engagement ring.

Tony turned his attention to Bruce. "Finally grew a pair and asked her, then? How long did you carry that ring around in your pocket? Four, five weeks?"

"Three," Bruce muttered, looking awkwardly into his cup of coffee as his face flushed.

Carter turned to face him, an amused smirk on her face. "You had that with you for three weeks - and didn't bother to do anything about it?"

Bruce looked at her helplessly, opening and closing his mouth as he searched for a response. When he couldn't find one, he turned away and took a sip of his coffee, completely embarrassed.

"Well, if it's of any interest to you two, _I _went ahead and proposed," Tony continued, holding out his hand like a king waiting for commoners to kiss it. The two of them looked at the gold band on his finger with raised eyebrows. "And Pepper's pregnant!"

"You didn't waste any time at all, did you?" Carter asked as she reached out to clap Bruce, who had started choking on coffee, on the back.

Tony shrugged nonchalantly. "I work quickly. Get in, get out."

Bruce started choking again.

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

_"Is there something in particular you're looking for, sir?"_

At the sound of the automated British voice, Logan jumped, smacking his head on the top of the refrigerator. His hand flew upwards to rub his new injury. That stupid JARVIS thing was going to get on his nerves, he could tell.

"Yeah, a beer," he grumbled. If he was gonna be part of this stupid team, he was gonna get access to their alcohol, no doubt about it. Unfortunately, as far as he could tell, all these idiots had was Poptarts. Who puts _Poptarts _in the fridge?

_"Third shelve, back right corner, sir," _JARVIS replied automatically. _"If you're looking for something a bit stronger, I would suggest using Mr. Stark's personal liquor cabinet."_

Logan pushed back a slew of boxes on the shelf JARVIS had indicated. Sure enough, there were a couple of Corona's hidden among the breakfast food. He grabbed one, slammed the fridge door shut, and made his way over to the counter. Wincing slightly, he slid out his claws. While they were good for slicing things (mainly people) open, they also served as excellent bottle openers. "Thanks," he muttered to the computerized butler.

A sharp cracking sound from behind made him whirl around in his chair, claws coming out again. A baseball bat rolled backwards on the floor towards a pair of feet. Attached to the feet was a startled man wearing nothing but boxers and a glowing blue _thing _in the middle of his chest, gaping at Logan.

Slowly, the man lifted a walkie-talkie to his lips. "Guys - there's some sort of Cat-Man in our kitchen."

Logan just raised an eyebrow. _Cat-Man?_ Seriously?

Static filled the air as an annoyed female voice replied, _"Does it have a tail?"_

"No," the shirtless guy said, looking carefully at Logan. He seemed to be trying to go unnoticed. "No tail."

_"Then's it not a cat. Go back to sleep, Tony."_

_"Carter, wait," _a new male voice commanded. _"Not all cats have big tails. Maybe Tony just can't see it."_

Logan, who'd somehow managed to keep from saying anything till now, lost his patience. "I don't have a tail!" he snapped.

"Guys, it's _talking_." Tony Stark's eyes grew wide, and his body stiff. "What do I do?"

_"You could _reply_," _the girl from before suggested.

Tony shook his head as if his friends could see. "No, I don't think he's seen me yet."

"I'm not blind, you fucking idiot." Logan raised his claws in the air menacingly. He shot to his feet and stalked forward, beer in one hand. Once he was in Tony's face, he growled, "Or deaf. I can _hear _you."

"Oh." Tony glanced down at the ground, then back up with a scowl. "How'd you get into my house? You're like the third person today to just _Apparate _into the kitchen."

Logan stepped back and snorted. He retracted his claws before crossing his arms over his chest and fixing Stark with his best 'I hate you' glare. "Your security system let me in."

_"Told you we need a dog," _Carter insisted.

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

Carter leaned against the wall, closing her eyes and wishing that Tony had just hit Logan over the head with the baseball bat while he'd had the chance. Not that she didn't like the guy (she actually hadn't spoken to him directly), but if Tony had done that, she'd still be in bed right now.

With Bruce.

_Anyways. _Looking skeptically at the intruder, Carter moved off the wall and began to circle him. He just gave her a look, then produced a cigar from his pocket, followed by a lighter.

He blue a puff of smoke in her direction. "Got a problem?"

"Got an inhaler I can borrow?" she countered, waving away thick smoke. Her nostrils and throat began to burn as the parts she missed entered her lungs.

Logan gave a somewhat satisfied smirk at her response, and made a point of blowing the smoke in the _other _direction this time. Carter shrugged, guessing that that was probably the closest thing to a friendly gesture that she was going to get.

At that moment, the rest of the Avengers (minus Thor, who was with his girlfriend, and Natasha, who was on a mission in some disclosed location) entered. Steve had managed to get fully dressed, Tony still hadn't put on a shirt, and Bruce and Clint were wearing their pajamas. Well, Clint was partially in his pajamas, partially ready for battle. His bow was slung over his back, and he looked ready to shoot the first person who spoke too loudly.

Bruce made his way over to Carter and wrapped an arm around her waist. Grinning, she leaned into him, feeling much warmer than she'd been a minute ago.

Steve froze in the doorframe. "Ji - Jimmy? Jimmy Howlett?" The Cap looked like he'd seen a ghost. "Is that - I don't..."

Logan narrowed his eyes at Steve, but it wasn't menacing this time. It was calculating, like he was thinking really hard. Like he was trying to remember something. "Name's Logan," he finally responded gruffly.

"Oh, I - " Steve's face grew red and he looked down at the ground. "I'm sorry. You looked like someone I knew a long, long time ago. But it couldn't be, so..."

The other man grunted.

"Uh, yeah, I got a question." Clint raised his hand. "Who is this guy?"

"Well," Tony began, an exhausted look on his face. "As he said, his name's Logan. And, according to JARVIS, he's the newest member of the Avenger Initiative. Not that anyone let us know ahead of time, of course."

Clint leaned back and gave Logan a look that clearly said 'I'm judging you'. "We don't just anyone, you know."

"You're one to talk, cupid," Logan snarled.

"What'd you just call me?" Clint's eyes were wide, and he started forward, bow drawn.

"I think what Clint's trying to ask," Bruce said quickly, getting everyone to turn their attention to him, "is what makes you..." He searched for the right word. "Um, _super_, I guess."

Logan's lip curled upward and he rolled his eyes. Then, there was the shrieking of metal as long, silver-looking claws grew from in the in between of his fingers. Steve made a choking noise, Bruce's eyebrows shot up in surprise, but Clint held his ground, eyes only widening ever so slightly.

A smirk crossed Logan's face. "They call me Wolverine. You're boss thought I could be an asset."

"He was only off by two letters," Hawkeye muttered as he turned away.

It was too late; Logan had heard him. "What'd you say to me, bub?"

The archer turned to face Wolverine, a very pleased look on his place. Oh, this was _not _going to end well.

"I'm going to bed before anyone gets murdered," Carter announced. "Could whoever lives through the night pick up donuts in the morning?"

With that final request, she grabbed Bruce's hand and dragged him off.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight**

Now Erik did not only _look _the part of a 'creeper', but he truly was one. He glanced over the top of his newspaper and watched as Logan and a very large man with long blonde hair entered the Walmart he was sitting adjacent from.

The blonde man was grinning and talking animatedly while Wolverine glared at the sidewalk. Even though _he _was not the one who could read minds, Erik knew that Logan was seriously considering killing his companion.

He chuckled to himself. _It seems he's been accepted into the Avengers already. _

It was not as if Erik was fully intent on keeping his promise to Charles, it was just that Mystique and Azael had gotten into one of their _'it's you fault the baby is a good guy_' argument again, and Erik was tired of hearing the same old fight. The arguments the Avengers had, however, were new and therefore far more entertaining. He found it amusing to watch them.

With a flourish, Erik snapped the newspaper shut. Tucking it under his arm, he stood and dipped his fedora just a little lower so that it shadowed more of his face. He started towards the Walmart, eager to do a bit more stalking. He was positive that the grocery run would not end well for the blonde man, and he didn't want to miss the action.

When he noticed a woman who had previously been sitting on the bus stop bench move with him, the hair on the back of his neck stood up straight. That woman was moving with purpose - and whatever that purpose was, it involved Erik. He and Charles had acted like that while attempting to recruit mutants nearly fifty years ago.

Deciding that he would hear what she had to say, Erik changed courses and headed to a narrow back alley. Sure enough, the wo man's footsteps echoed behind him.

"Can I help you?" Erik asked, turning and giving her a charming smile.

The woman was taller than he had been expecting, clearing his six feet by an inch or two. Built like a wrestler, she could have easily taken him - if he did not have his own strengths. Her reddish-blonde hair fell loosely to her shoulders, and her brown eyes looked him over once. She match his smile with one of her own. "Mister Lensherr?"

"Yes?"

A smirk formed. "It's a pleasure, sir. We're big fans of yours. Your... display in San Francisco was quite impressive; it caught my attention as well as my employer's. He's become very interested in you and your endeavors, Mister Lensherr. In fact, he requests a meeting with you."

Erik snorted, but smiled to make it seem more polite. "And who is your employer?"

"A very powerful man who's more than willing to make a deal with you," the woman replied. "You have your goals and he has his; he feels an agreement can be reached."

Oh, what the hell. He had nothing better to do. Why not humor some up and coming villain? "Well, then, by all means. Show me to him."

The woman grinned, took Erik's arm, and lead him towards a waiting parked car.

Erik briefly wondered what he'd gotten himself into this time.

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

"- and then," Thor continued, lowering his voice to add to the suspense. He grinned down at his new friend, the Wolverine. "The beast leapt out of the corner, talking me to the ground! I feared it was all over, but nay, for I had my hammer-"

"Poptarts are down that isle," Logan informed him, pointing towards on of the many narrow rows formed by mounds of mortal food stacked on either side. "Go get some."

Thor clapped his fellow Avenger on the back, ignoring the way he winced. "An excellent find, Wolverine. Your nose is truly as miraculous as that of the animal you are named for! I shall go and get the Poptarts!"

"You do that," Logan growled, fixing him with a glare. "I'll just be... somewhere else."

Thor let out a laugh and nodded. As he jogged towards those marvelous Poptarts, he called over his shoulder. "Never fear! I will find you wherever you are."

Logan sulked off at a remarkable pace for a mortal. Thor had never seen anyone walk that fast before. The Asgardian prince was most impressed.

Thor jogged down isle number seven in search for the little blue box he knew would hold his beloved Poptarts. About halfway down the row, he hit the jackpot; a marvelous assortments of flavors and boxes and goodness and... Thor was almost overwhelmed. This was the greatest collections of the pastries that he'd ever seen.

Now, he knew he was particularly fond of the ones that tasted of cherry, but here he had so many more options: Apple Strudel, Blueberry, Blueberry Muffin, Brown Sugar, Cinnamon, Cherry, Chocolate Chip, Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough, Chocolate Fudge, Cinnamon Roll, Wild Berry, Wild Watermelon, Cookies & Creme, Gingerbread, Hot Fudge Sundae, Raspberry, S'mores, Strawberry, Strawberry Milkshake, Vanilla Milkshake, Ice Cream Sandwich, Wild Grape, Rainbow Cookie Sandwich, Salt Water Taffy, and Wildlicious Wild Strawberry. If he so chose, he could buy Poptarts that contained more than one flavor, or ones that had little mortal designs imprinted on the icing. He was also interested in the ones did not have icing in them at all. His favorite part was the icing - would his precious Poptarts taste just as good if they were lacking that key ingredient?

Unsure of how to pick just one, Thor held out the grocery basket and swung his arm around, knocking several boxes of each flavor into his basket. A few dropped to the floor, but he ignored them; there was staff to pick that up.

"Are you really going to leave that there, brother?"

Thor spun around, a huge grin on his face. He spread his arms open wide. "Loki! It is wonderful to see you!" When Thor noticed the small boy sitting in the cart Loki was pushing, he let out a laugh. "And you, too, nephew!"

"Hello, Uncle Thor," Roan said politely, offering Thor a small wave and a smile. Thor waved back, knocking more Poptart boxes of the shelf when he did.

Loki face-palmed. "Thor, please. Even oafs have to clean up their messes. Being mentally impaired does not excuse you from that."

"I do not understand..." Thor said slowly, brow furring together. What on Earth was his brother talking about?

Loki threw his hands up in the air with a very large sigh. "Just pick up the damn Poptart boxes!" the younger prince snapped.

His son looked at him with wide eyes, and Loki immediately back tracked. "The _darn _Poptart boxes. Pick up the _darn _Poptarts." Awkwardly, Loki reached to pat Roan on the top of the head. "It would be best if you did not mention that to your mother."

"May we get Poptarts?" Roan asked, narrowing his ice blue eyes slightly at his father. Thor knew that look - that was Loki's 'I get what I want' look; Roan was trying to blackmail Loki. The thought made Thor chuckle, especially when his brother slumped his shoulder in defeat.

In one swift movement, Loki grabbed a box from Thor's basket. "Here - how do you like... Wildlicious Wild Strawberry? I do not understand. How is that any different from Strawberry, or even _Wild _Strawberry?"

Both Thor and Roan rolled their eyes; Loki would never understand the subtle culinary perfection that was Poptarts. "It is even wilder than the original flavor, Father. And wilder is better."

"Aye," Thor agreed, nodding his head in affirmation. "Is wild boar not better than this packaged 'steak' that mortals eat?"

"Those are not even the same animals," Loki muttered as he handed Roan the box, which the child happily snatched and threw in with their other groceries.

Thor cocked his head to the side at the cart. It appeared that Loki was going... shopping. A frown formed as he remembered something that the Son of Barton had told him: _"Chick buy and make the food. Ask your girl for a sammich, and I guarantee you she'll make one."_

It had later been explained to him that _he _was going to get the food because it would be a good 'way for him to bond with Logan' and because Carter could not go because she had a bad history with the store. According to _her_, Walmarts across North America had her picture up like a wanted add; there was no way she could _possibly _set foot in one without getting arrested.

But why was Loki here?

"Brother, what brings you here?"

Loki waved a small piece of paper around in the air, looking at Thor the same way he looked at Fandral whenever the warrior insisted that he was the most handsome in the land. "I am _shopping, _Thor. Magic is powerful, but I cannot just conjure food out of thin air. It is against magical law, physically impossible. Plus, Roan enjoys playing with the boxes that the food comes in."

"I've made an excellent fort!" Roan exclaimed, beaming at Thor. "Fit for a king; you would enjoy it greatly, Uncle."

Thor messed up Roan's hair with his huge hand, somehow missing Loki's very pointed glare. "I am sure that it is most excellent, little warrior. When the Avengers and I visit next, you must show it to us."

"I will!"

Loki clapped his hands. "Well! This has been wonderful, but we really must get going. We have other matters to attend to."

"Like what?" Roan had his head cocked to the side while he stared up at his father with large, innocent eyes. "I did not think that we had anything else to do - "

Loki clamped a hand over Roan's mouth. "We have lots of things to do, my son. One of them is to learn when to stop talking. I believe we may have to spend quite a bit of time on that. Farewell, brother."

Thor waved at them as they they walked away. "Farewell, brother and nephew! Until we meet again!"

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

_Three hundred and five... Three hundred and six..._

The blood sample began swimming before Bruce's eyes again as his head started pounding. Black dots clouded his vision, and one hand flew to his temples in a lame attempt to stop the headache. But as soon as he'd put his hand there, he recoiled; it felt like his forehead was on _fire_.

He breathed deeply, almost shaking from the pain. Gripping the table, he moved back from the microscope, abandoning all hopes of finishing his work. He could think straight, he just...

His head his the stainless steel table suddenly, and all though it hurt, he didn't move. The cool steel felt good against his skin.

_I'll just stay here until I feel better..._

Bruce passed out about a minute later.


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine**

Carter froze in the doorway, eyeing the three giggling women in a downright distrustful manner. They were clustered around a bunch of open magazines, and Pepper was scribbling notes as they talked in hushed tones.

"Am I interrupting a ginger pride meeting?" Carter asked. She began to approach them, but stayed as close to the walls as possible, putting the maximum distance between her and the three red-heads.

As one, Natasha, Lily, and Pepper looked up at her. Natasha gave her that coy smile she gave people right before she knifed them, while Pepper's face grew a bit red and she looked almost sheepish. Lily was unabashedly grinning. In one swift movement, she lifted a magazine and waved it around in the air. "We're planning you and Bruce's wedding!"

"Shouldn't I get a say in this?" Carter crossed over to the couch and plopped down, raising an eyebrow at them. Quite frankly, she hadn't actually planned on planning the wedding. Or, you know, having an official one. Eloping sounded good to her. Much easier.

The look the girls gave her answered that question: _No say for you! _

Of course, it didn't take Carter very long to figure out why. "OK, I get it. You all are living your sick and twisted wedding fantasies through me, aren't you?"

Lily nodded. "I had to marry Loki in secret."

When they were little, to entertain Lily, all you had to do was give her a bridal magazine, some scissors, paper, and crayons. An hour later, she'd have a collage of the perfect wedding ready and waiting for you. Carter, on the other hand, probably would have found a way to make all of those supplies explode.

"We're sorry," Pepper said quietly. "We should have asked first, but... we just wanted to help."

"Natasha," Carter began, staring incredulously at the _assassin_. "You want to help plan a wedding? A wedding where no one will be dying?"

Natasha snorted and examined in her fingers in a detached manner. "I'm not all '_murder this_' and '_stab that_'. Those are fun, but so is this. I used to be a ballet dancer, you know."

A very disturbing mental picture entered Carter's mind at that, and she had to literally shake her head to get it to go away. She clapped her hands. "Alright, then. Whaddya have so far?"

"Well," Lily began, searching through the magazines and taking the notes from Pepper, "we think you should have a June wedding - "

"It's June right now."

"It's June _third _right now. If you have your wedding on the thirtieth, we still have twenty-seven days to get everything set. And, seeing as how we've got the Starks on our side, that's totally possible." Lily grabbed a couple of magazines and brought them over to Carter. Pepper sat down on her other side, and Natasha stood behind her (a little bit like how a vulture hangs above it's selected prey, but Carter tried not to think about that). "See, we like this purple theme. Everyone always goes with blues or reds, and you don't see much purple."

Pepper nodded and pointed to a sleeveless white dress with purple bows all over it. "This is too over the top, but we're sure that the purple accents will make your eyes pop."

"My eyes already _glow_," Carter reasoned, unable to see why accents would make a difference.

"In a radioactive way," Natasha explained almost patiently. "But this will make them... _pretty_."

Carter turned to ask what the Russian was implying, but Lily tugged on her arm and drew her back to the pictures.

"See how this wedding is on a beach? We're pretty sure that planning anything like this in Hawaii might be a bit ambitious - "

" - but Tony has more than one private island we could use," Pepper finished. "Some are even off the coast here in New England. There's one near Cape Cod that would be absolutely perfect. The temperature would be just right and the weather wouldn't be a problem. The sunsets there are _stunning _- "

"Let's just do it there, then," Carter said. If Pepper thought it was perfect, then it was probably perfect.

This was all a little too much for Carter right now. Seriously. She didn't care. Clearly the others did, but it wasn't all that important to her. There was no 'dream wedding' she was trying to get to; she was trying to get to the 'marry' part.

Eager to get away from the slightly crazy women, Carter stood. "Uh, well, good. Good job guys. I'm just gonna go run all this by Bruce. Hey, JARVIS! Where is he?"

There was only a small pause before the computerized butler replied, _"Dr. Banner is down in lab two. Would you like for me to fetch him for you, Ms. McIntyre?"_

"Nah, I got it." Carter shot to her feet and gave her friends what she thought would look like an apologetic smile. "Thanks guys. I'll see you later."

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

"Drawing him like on of your French girls?"

Steve whirled around, hand immediately going to cover his sketch as he did. Tony stood behind him, smirking at him over his sunglasses. "I don't know what you mean."

"Seriously?" Tony whipped a chair around and sat next to Steve. "You still haven't seen _Titanic_ yet? Oh, God, there are so many references you must be missing. Does 'I'm king of the world!' mean anything to you?"

"Um - "

"'I'll never let go'? '_Neeear! Faaar! Whereeeeever you aarrre!'_? No?"

Steve just stared at Tony. His ears still were ringing slightly from that horrific attempt at song. _Drunk karaoke nights with Tony must be murder_, he thought. "No. I haven't quite gotten there yet; Carter and Clint are making me watch _M*A*S*H _first. What is that?"

Tony nodded thoughtfully. "Yeah, probably a good idea. It's about the army, and you'll probably hate that they're so irreverent and they make fun of the army all the time, but it's pretty damn funny. And the show was actually dramatic, too. That'll be good for you." Leaning forward and wiggling his eyebrows, the billionaire continued, "But you keep changing the subject. Why were you drawing our newest and most angsty team member?"

"It's just I... I feel like I _know _him." Steve removed his hand and showed Tony the sketch he'd done of Logan. "I _know _I know him from somewhere."

"This is really accurate," Tony said, taking the pad away to get a closer look. "Did you do this from memory? 'Cause this looks _just _like him. It's actually kind of creepy."

Steve took the sketchbook back and flipped back towards the beginning. The paper there was starting to yellow and get crisp, but the drawings he'd done back in the war were still in pristine condition, even after all this time. When he found the drawing he'd been looking for, he gave it back to Tony.

Tony let out a strong of words that made Steve blush. "That is Logan. That is _so _Logan. It's like looking at a photo. And - holy shit! Is that Fury, with an eye?"

"That's Fury's father," Steve replied, pointing the man out amongst all the other Howling Comandos. "He served under me. And that man that looks like Logan - that _is _Logan - his name is James Howlett. He was sort of our company clerk; he ran the phone, but he also fought. He fought _mean_, too."

Tony squinted at the drawing. "That sounds _and _looks like our Logan. Wait, when you asked him about that last night, he didn't say anything about it. Why?"

"I don't know," Steve said with a shrug, "but I intend to find out."

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

_Bruce let out shaky, controlled breaths. The quieter he was, the better. Legs pulled up to his chest, he burrowed deeper into the closet, letting the warm winter coats form a cushion of protection. _

_Not that that protection would do him any good if he found him._

_Footsteps echoed through the house. His dad, stomping around on another one of his drunk rampages. Anything that was in the warpath was destroyed - including Bruce._

_That was why he'd hid in the closet again. Buried back here in the corner, hidden in the dark, he felt safe. Safer than if he'd been outside. Warmer, too. And surrounded by the smell of his mother that still lingered on her old clothes._

_"Bruce!" his father bellowed, the pace of the footsteps increasing. "Bruce! Come out, you stupid son of bitch! Come on out here! Quit hidin' like a little girl." His father's words were dangerously slurred._

_Terror seized him again, and he scooted as far back as he could. Now he had trapped himself in the corner with nothing but a couple of jackets between him and the door. Bruce hoped that his dad was too drunk to see straight. Maybe he would just pass over him - _

_The light in the other room flicked on, and Bruce's heart-rate began spinning out of control. _Oh, God, no, please -

_The closet door flew open, and there stood his dad, face contorted by pure rage, eyes red from anger and alcohol. "You little _shit_," he hissed._

_Like a cobra striking, his foot flew out and caught Bruce in the ribs with a sickening cracking noise. Pain erupted and a little cry of pain escaped his lips. Hot tears welled up in his eyes, and his throat closed up. _

_"You are _nothing_, you hear?" His dad looked at him in disgust. "_Worthless_."_

_Before Bruce's eyes, the father began shaking. His whole body began growing and elongating as a transformation took place._

_When his father's eyes snapped open, they were a brilliant green. _

Bruce gasped as he shot up, shrinking away from the hand that had suddenly appeared on his back. The tears were still in his eyes, and he swallowed hard.

"Bruce?"

He turned to see Carter, looking at him with huge, bright green eyes. Bright green like his father's had been in the dream, bright green like _his _were before he turned into the Hulk. Before he lost control.

Shaking his head, he tried to open his mouth to reply, but no sound came out. Carter slid in next to him, wrapping an arm around him. "Are you OK?"

Still unable to make any sound, he nodded.

"Was it a dream?" she asked. Her brows were drawn together, and there was such a pained look in her eyes that he finally lost control.

Tears streamed down his face, and he let Carter take him into her arms as he began to sob.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten**

"What's up with him?" Tony asked as he plopped down in the seat Bruce had been occupying just before he'd walked into the kitchen.

Carter shrugged, eyes still on her fiancé's back. Bruce looked a bit like he was fleeing a crime scene. Her brows contracted in concern. "I dunno. Said he wasn't feeling good and that he was gonna take a nap." She paused for a moment and reached over to the partially empty tea mug Bruce had left. "I found him down in the lab. He'd... he'd had a nightmare of some sort."

"What about?" Tony propped himself up on one elbow, turning his head so that he could see his friend better.

"He didn't say." Carter pressed her lips together. Tony could picture the gears in her head turning.

After a quick awkward silence, Tony whipped out a sheet of paper, unfolded it to reveal Steve's drawing, and pushed it in front of Carter. Her eyes grew wide as she looked at an almost exact replica of Logan.

"Someone here has artistic talent?" she asked incredulously.

Tony nodded. "Steve. And he drew that of Logan - in 1944. See the war uniform and the headset? Apparently, Logan ran the radio. Only his name wasn't Logan; it was James Howlett."

"So..." Carter picked up the piece of paper to get a closer look. "Logan is James? And James served in World War Two?" She waved her arms in the air exasperatedly. "How many icebergs did people get stuck in, anyways? Next thing you know, Hitler's gonna pop up and be all, '_Nien_, I vas just sleeping'."

"That's the thing," Tony explained. "Well, not the Hitler thing, but you do have an excellent point there. That actually _could _happen. We should really have someone be on the lookout... Anyways, I looked up 'James Howlett' in SHIELD's database system. And no, I am not actually allowed to do that. From what I found, there's been a 'James Howlett' in every war from Civil to Vietnam. And it seems like the _same _James Howlett."

Carter gave him an annoyed look. "Are you telling me we have another temperamental god on out hands?"

"A god he is not," Tony replied, thinking of the gruff, wild man who was now living under their roof. "But immortal he may be."

"You used proper English in that sentence. You've been hanging around Thor and Steve too much."

Tony sighed at his own proper grammar. "I know. But look, we're getting off topic again. I think we need to ask someone about Logan/James."

Carter thought about it for a minute. "You're right, but who? We can't go to Fury," she pointed out. "He would never talk. And neither would Coulson, if Coulson had that sort of information. We probably should just go behind Logan's back; if we ask him and he doesn't react well, we become human shiskabobs."

"I already thought of that - minus the shiskabob thing, which, again, is an excellent point." Smirking at his own genius, Tony continued, "I found out who our new friend worked for before this. And I've set up a meeting with him!"

Tony clapped Carter on the back. "My friend, you and me are going to Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters!"

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

Logan had _had _it with this Thor guy.

First, the Poptart thing. Thor had completely wiped Walmart out of Poptarts, and then the idiot had the nerve to _complain_ that the store was 'insufficiently stocked' and the he was 'in need of more of these delicacies'. Three hundred boxes (plus the ones that were at home in the fridge) was more than enough. And, of course, it turned out that Thor was _also _expecting about nine _thousand _boxes of Girl Scout cookies.

While Logan had a thing for Samoas, enough was enough. How many carbs did one guy need? The fridge was packed; at this point, there would be no room for Logan's beer. And he had a problem with that.

Logan was drawn out of his self-pity-angst party by moaning coming from the other room.

That sent him back to the party: After the Poptart thing, Thor had dragged Logan to SHIELD's base so the god could visit his girlfriend at work. Their visit had started nearly half an hour ago, and judging by the sounds coming from the room, was not likely to end soon.

Logan slumped back against the hallway bench and let out a growl. If he'd thought it would work, he would have put a gun to his and pulled the trigger by now. Anything to make this end.

With a decisive snort, he propelled himself to his feet and began to stalk down one of the many metal-walled SHIELD hallways.

There was a good chance he'd find his way out to the parking lot eventually.

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

_Ethan_, Pepper thought, jotting it down. _Ethan Stark. That would be a good name..._

"Oh, hey, Peps!"

Pepper looked over her shoulder to see Tony coming up, a huge grin on his face. He crossed the office floor in three long steps and leaned down to plant a quick kiss on her lips. "Whatcha doin'?"

Pepper showed him her notepad. "I know I should be working, but I started writing down some baby names and got a bit carried away," she admitted with a sheepish smile.

"Me too! Well, that's not _exactly _what I was doing, but I've got a list!" Tony reached into his suit pocket and produced a crumpled up sheet of paper. "See? I actually do! Want me to read you some?"

Pepper beamed at her husband (who was finally being responsible) and nodded.

"Alright." Tony cleared his throat. "Pepper 2.0, Tony 2.0 - "

"That will make our child sound like a robot." Pepper face-palmed and felt her high hopes drop instantaneously. She prayed that there was actually useable material on that list. "We are _not _going to name our child anything that so blatantly has to do with technology and mechanics. I'm sorry."

Tony face fell, but he rebounded quickly. Focusing on the list, he said, "So, I should take 'Machine Gun', 'Missile', War Machine Jr.', 'Screwy', 'Iron Baby', 'Ironita', 'Crankshaft', 'Screwdriver', and 'Toyota' off the list then? What about 'Nut'? I was thinking of that as more a food related name, because I also have 'Pecan' and 'Apple' written down. Speaking of Apple, should I take 'PC' off here, too?"

"Yes," Pepper replied tightly, nerves starting to fry. "Yes to all of that."

Tony picked up a pen and scratched off the nixed names. He scratched his beard thingv (which Pepper needed to ask him to shave) thoughtfully, like a Disney villain who was plotting something. "OK. So, there are a couple I'm not really sure about, but I thought I should just throw out there anyway. 'Stan Lee', 'Jorge', 'Spot', 'Rex', 'Zeus', 'Athena', Poseidon', 'Hades' - "

"We cannot name our child after the god of hell!" Pepper exclaimed, looking at her husband with wide, horrified eyes.

"OK, OK," Tony said quickly as he held his hands up in surrender. "No gods of death. In that case, I should probably take 'Pearl Harbor' and 'Adolf' off here. Heh." Before Pepper could start screeching at him again, he continued.

"Now, I'm actually excited about these next few. 'Nick Fury Jr.' and 'Jesus' are probably my favorites, but I'd be willing to go for 'Thor Jr.' or 'Lil' Steve' or even 'Coulson' if that's what it comes down, too. Oh, and this is perfect: 'Your Mom'. No? How about 'Your Face'?" You know, you don't have to glare at me like that, Pepper. Oh, hey! Brilliant idea - 'Pony'! Like, 'Pepper' and 'Tony' combined!"

"No."

"Yeah, you're right that's stupid. It'd be like a rip-off of 'Ponyboy', and we cannot have S.E. Hinton sue us over our child's name." Tony tapped his chin a couple of time. "Oh! Oh my God, yes! Are you ready for this, Peps?"

Pepper pursed her lips. "Tony, you're getting on my last - "

"I change my name to 'Salt' and then we name the baby 'Paprika'! And then we'll be 'Salt', 'Pepper', and 'Paprika'! Get it?"

Closing her eyes and pinching the bridge of her nose, Pepper sung her arm around and pointed at the door. "Get out of my office, Tony. Now. Before I kill you."

"Oh! What about 'Naked'? Then he can be 'Naked Stark', like stark naked, only - "

"_Now_."


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven**

Roan, phone pressed to his little, glanced once more at Uncle Tony as a final ring went off. Uncle Tony, who was leaning over the back of the driver's seat, grinned wildly and gave him an enthusiastic thumbs up.

The ringing stopped abruptly, and the first thing out of Roan's mother's moth was, _"Honey, are you OK? What happened?"_

"I'm fine, Mom." His blue eyes flicked to Uncle Tony again, who nodded and signaled for him to keep going. "I was calling to see if I could go suit shopping with Uncle Tony."

_"Tony isn't your uncle," _his mom replied uncertainly after a moment of silence. _"And I'm not sure that he's the best person to take you, well, _anywhere_."_

Uncle Tony shot Roan a meaningful look. Taking a deep breath, Roan replied. "Tony asks that I call him 'Uncle'. Please, Mom? He was most upset when I couldn't 'suit up' because I had no suits. Besides, Aunt Carter will be coming with us."

"Hi, Lily!" Aunt Carter shouted helpfully from the shot-gun seat. "I promise won't let Tony ruin your child!"

"Hey!" Uncle Tony looked genuinely hurt. "I was never gonna _ruin _the kid! I was gonna get him a suit! Every man needs a suit!"

Roan, like he assumed his mother had, ignored this. "Please? We won't be gone too terribly long. And if we are, Uncle Tony has promised to take Aunt Carter and I out for dinner. I will be fed and properly clothed when I return. Please?"

There was a pregnant pause, and for a moment, Roan was sure that his mother had discovered that he was lying. His heart beat faster, pounding against his chest, but it nearly stopped when she sighed, _"Alright. You can go - but be good!"_

"I will, Mom!" Roan promised. Upon figuring out that his mother had granted him permission to go with them, Aunt Carter and Uncle Tony exchanged high fives and sounds of glee. "Bye! I love you!"

Before she could reply, Roan hung up on her. Almost immediately afterwards, a sinking feeling grew in the pit of his stomach. He'd just _lied _to his mother. Lying was the one thing that he was not allowed to do, under _any _circumstances. And here he'd done it, for no reason other than that Uncle Tony had asked him to.

They were not going suit-shopping. They'd already _been _suit-shopping. Roan anxiously pulled at his little tie because for some reason, it felt like it was getting tighter.

His guilt was quickly replaced by excitement as his 'uncle' turned and beamed at him from over the top of his sunglasses. "You know the plan, right?"

"Yes," Roan said with a nod. "You are my father and Aunt Carter is my mother. We have an interview at Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters because you feel that I am too advanced for a normal school. While you speak with Professor Xavier, I am to stall. I am to pretend that I wish to attend school there, and treat the interview like it's real."

"I think I may cry," Uncle Tony told him, smiling in approval. "That was perfect. This plan is perfect. Nothing can go wrong!"

"Except for that fact that you didn't actually bother to look up anything about this school. For all we know, it's actually an art college that has an amazing basketball team," Aunt Carter pointed out. "And you didn't even get directions."

With a snort, Uncle Tony rolled his eyes and readjusted himself behind the wheel. "I don't need _directions_. I'm Tony Stark."

"And I'm Carter McIntyre, but that doesn't change the fact that you got lost on your way to the bathroom yesterday. Seriously, ask for directions."

"We live in a big house," he grumbled, turning the keys into the ignition. The Bentley roared to life.

"We live on a big continent."

"Shut up."

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

Bruce woke up from his little cat-nap (or twenty-two hour coma, depending on how you looked at it) to discover that sometime during the afternoon/night/morning, his fever had broken and his headache was mostly gone.

He did, however, have to sprint to the bathroom and hurl up whatever he'd eaten the day before. Judging by the color... well, to be perfectly honest, he had no idea _what _he'd had, but he felt better with it out of his system.

Mostly.

His whole body ached, and his skin was unreasonably itchy. Being the logical scientist that he was, Bruce mentally ran through a list of possible causes. The most likely was that he'd developed or discovered an allergy. They _had _had sushi last night. It'd been years since he'd eaten that.

Deciding to just avoid seafood for the time being, Bruce ran a hand through his hair and glanced at his reflection in the mirror. He winced.

Dark circles under his eyes made him look like the walking dead. That, and the fact that his skin was unnaturally pale and sickly looking. Despite the fact that he didn't _feel _sick anymore, a thin layer of sweat covered his skin. Bruce looked horrible.

He rubbed his face, trying to wake himself up. With a sigh, he shook his head out like a dog, then turned on the shower.

Maybe that would make him feel better.

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

"Well, _hello_," Tony leered as soon as the door to Xavier's School was opened by a beautiful African American woman. She was strong and tall, holding herself like royalty. Her short, white and gray hair was tucked back behind her eyes, and she glared at Tony with dark eyes.

Carter elbowed Tony in the gut. "You're married," she reminded him angrily.

"So are you." He raised his eyebrows, eyes darting from her to Roan.

"I am not - " Carter stopped when she remembered that, just for today, she _was _married - and to Tony, no less. " - going to grace that comment with a response... dear," she finished lamely. Well, it looked like they had the 'bitter married couple' deal down pat.

The other woman coughed and gave them a tight smile. "My name is Ororo Munroe," she greeted. "I'm a teacher here at Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters, as well as a former student. You must be the... Diggles, am I correct?"

"Yup!" Tony grinned as he wrapped an arm around Carter's shoulder. "I'm Dadelous Diggle, and this is my wife, Mrs. Diggle! Roan here is our son. We're hoping to send him here next year for school."

Ororo gave them a look before hiding it and smiling again. "Of course. You've scheduled an interview. Before you can speak with the professor, we need to establish whether or not Roan is _fit _for this school. This can be a sensitive subject, so I understand if - "

"Not at all sensitive!" Tony assured her, the grin never leaving his face. "Our little boy is an absolute genius - a real 'gifted youngster'. That's why we came here."

Ororo's eyes flickered from Tony to Roan. She shifted her weight from foot to foot before finally looking back up at the 'parents', a scowl on her face. "I'm not sure that you understand what this school is for."

"It's for gifted youngsters," Tony replied. "It says so in the _name_. That's why we came here." When Ororo shook her head, angry look intensifying, Tony shrank back with a little squeak. Then, glaring at Carter, he said, "Feel free to jump in at any time, _darling_."

Carter shrugged. "You're doing an excellent job of screwing this up on your own."

The temperature in the room seemed to drop as Ororo took a step forward. Her eyes flashed (Carter swore that they actually turned pure white for a moment) dangerously. "Magneto sent you, didn't he? Did he really think that'd we wouldn't catch you?" She let out a laugh, shaking her head. "No, you're from the government. You thought you could just come in here. That you could easily get to us."

This time, her eyes _did _turn pure white. Wind swirled around them, forming a miniature tornado. Carter immediately reached out and pulled Roan into her in an attempt to protect him from the now swirling debris.

"You stupid, stupid people!" Ororo snarled. "You were wrong to think that you could fool us."

Ororo moved her hands, lightning crackling around her. But then, she stopped suddenly. The air went still, and she stared out at nothing, brows drawing together slightly. With a snort, she stepped aside, glaring at them. Reluctantly, she said, "The professor wishes to speak to you."

Carter and Tony exchanged glances. "Um," Carter said, "yeah, I think we're fine now. We'll just google - "

_You will not find anything about Logan anywhere but here_, a calm, deep voice said in her head. A voice that was _not _her own. Carter spun around wildly, looking for the speaker. As far as she could tell, it was just the four of them. And it seemed that Tony had heard it too, because, with his eyes wide and his mouth hanging open like that, he looked as surprised as Carter felt.

A smirk crossed Ororo's face. "That would be the professor," she informed them. "His office is just upstairs. You and Mr. Stark may go and see him - but he wants for Roan to come on a tour with me.

"If you think we're just gonna hand over the kid after you tried to pick us up in a tornado," Tony snarled, bristling, "you got another thing coming, lady."

Ororo... hung her head? In shame? That was certainly what it looked like. Carter subconsciously edged away from the seemingly bipolar woman. "I'm sorry," Ororo apologized. "I thought you were part of Stryker's team."

"We have no idea what you're talking about," Tony said. "What's a Stryker, because if you had me guess, I'd say it was some kind of drink. Like a martini or something."

"Stryker was a person, and a bad one at that. His goal in life was to purge the world of mutants. He died years ago, but his division is still trying to carry out his goal." Ororo smiled then. "It's a sensitive subject for us X-Men."

"You what?" Carter asked at the same time Tony said, "You guys are real? That's awesome! I love you guys!"

Ororo kept the same peaceful smile on her face. "The professor will explain everything. Roan, if you'll just come with me."

Roan looked back to them with large blue eyes. He was asking for permission, Carter was sure of it. Before she could respond, Tony pushed him forward with a "You'll be fine, kiddo."

As Ororo and Roan headed off to begin their tour, Tony and Carter trudged up the stairs.

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

Charles had decided a long time ago that _reading _people's thoughts was rude. However, if he just _happened _to hear them, that was perfectly alright. So, when he heard Carter McIntyre think _I just handed my nephew over to a group of serial killers with a cool group name_, he laughed out loud.

The door to his office opened, revealing two people; one, a man who radiated confidence and ease, and the other a woman who did the same, only caution was mixed in with her air. Charles smiled kindly at them both.

Tony Stark grinned and bounded across the room. "Professor X! It's great meet you - you're freaking awesome. OK, so I'm thinking of a number between - "

"Pi," the telepath answered. Tony looked surprised, and then annoyed. Charles knew that the billionaire's goal form then on would be to trip him up, but _that _was not about to happen. "But that's not what you came to ask, is it?"

"We came to ask you about Logan." Carter stepped forward and then sat down in a seat across from Charles and his wheelchair. "Our friend Steve thinks he knows him. And Steve is, like, ninety-odd years old."

Charles smiled; he'd known that was coming. "You could have asked Logan yourself, if you were so worried. I highly doubt that he would have turned you into human shiskabobs, despite your fears." When Carter opened her mouth, he explained, "My mutation allows me to read and influence the minds of those around me. All of the X-Men, as well as the students here at our academy, can do something spectacular. Logan is a mutant."

Tony held up his hand. "Uh, yeah. So, because you're mutated, you have powers? I never really understood that part. Because I could have six-fingers on my right hand, technically be a mutant, and the only thing special about me would be that I killed Inigo Montoya's father."

"Not all mutations give you powers," Carter explained, suddenly making a connection. "You only get powers if your genetic structure is changed. By definition, I'm a mutant. The gamma shot I took changed something inside me, and gave me powers. Bruce turning into the Hulk was a mutation."

Charles nodded. "Quite right, Carter. Your mutation allows you to manipulate energy and turn it into a solid form, as well as gives you increased strength when called for. Dr. Banner's mutation caused him to transform into a beast of extraordinary power." Charles pushed himself back from the desk and wheeled over so that he could face them better. "Mutations differ, depending on the person. Ororo can control the weather, as you saw. We have a student here who can walk through walls, and another who can turn himself into metal. A true iron man," he joked.

"Along with his claws, Logan has an extremely effective healing factor. It has kept him the same age for over a hundred years now, and a way to kill him has yet to be discovered."

"That explains why he still looks the same," Carter noted. "But it doesn't tell us why he didn't tell Steve that he knew him."

"I think he's just a dick," Tony supplied helpfully.

Charles chuckled and shook his head. "While Logan can be... _difficult_ at times, he is a good man. He has not said anything to Captain Rogers because he does not _remember_ him. There was... an accident. For nearly twenty-five years now, he has walked this Earth with no memory of his past. The memories will all eventually return to him, but for now it's like trying to finish an incomplete puzzle. He's slowly putting the pieces together."

"So..." Tony raised an eyebrow at the professor. "He _is _a dick, but a dick with amnesia?"

"Yes."

Carter sighed and slumped her shoulders. "Figures. We can never get anyone who _doesn't _have some sort of tragic or mysterious past or some other personal problem. It's like you _have _to be messed up to become an Avenger."

"They probably ask if you've been traumatized in some way on the recruitment form." Tony nodded. Then, an idea forming, he turned to Charles with a grin on his face. "So, Professor, have an issues?"

Charles just smiled and gestured to his wheelchair. "Would you like to take a guess?"


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve **

Even though her back was facing the door, and even though her husband was more ninja that Coulson, Lily knew that Loki had arrived back home.

"Well," he said slowly, stopping his advance. "You look... _ravishing_. What, pray tell, is the occasion?"

His voice. Oh, God, his _voice_. He had such a sexy, _British _voice. Why? It didn't make what she was about to do any easier. If anything, it made it about a zillion times harder.

"Roan went out with Tony and Carter earlier today," Lily explained. She gulped down a lump in her throat that hadn't been there a minute ago. "And he's going to spend the night at Avengers Mansion."

Loki was right behind her in an instant, long arms wrapped around her waist. His cool breath blew on her neck, making her shiver slightly. "So," he said in a low, sultry voice. "We have the apartment to ourselves this evening?"

Oh, she liked what _that _meant. She liked it a lot. And it literally hurt her that she was going to have to put an end to this. Well, not an _end_. There would always be time later in the evening. Surely they wouldn't be out to long.

"We're going on a double-date with Thor and Jane."

All of a sudden, Loki was gone. Lily turned around, a sad, pleading smile on her face. Loki, on the other hand, was looking at her in a mixture of disgust and _what you smokin', bro?_. "What?" he said flatly.

"Look." Whenever Lily got nervous, she spoke faster. Right now, the words were _pouring _out. "I know you and your brother are still on shaky terms, and I know that you'd rather stay in tonight and... do stuff, but I already said we'd go! Jane asked me. I met her at work the other day. Jane is such a sweetheart, and she's new in town. She's so nervous about meeting Thor's friends - I just thought we should help her feel better about us all!"

"My brother and I have made peace," Loki said, rolling his eyes. "But he's still a complete idiot! I require _stimulating _conversation to keep functioning, and the only thing about Thor that ever stimulates is his... hammer." Loki's pale face flushed, and he quickly switched gears. "If you wish for a 'date night' as you mortals call it, can't we simply go out with Carter and Banner? I don't mind them. Oh, Hel, even the _Starks _would be better than dinner with Thor!"

Lily sighed. "I'm just trying to help Jane adjust to... the social climate here."

"Well, if that's the case, we should have dinner with the man with that rather disturbing smile." Loki pumped his fist to celebrate his great idea. "The man in the suit. The one who secretly hates Thor and Stark. He was your old boss. The one who most refer to as 'Super Nanny'? What _is _that man's name?"

"Couslon?"

"Yes!" Loki exclaimed, rushing forward and taking her hands in his. He gave her a huge grin. "That is the one! I am under the impression that he's quite socially awkward - let's help him out!"

Lily just looked out the window. If she looked at Loki's eager face, she wouldn't be able to say no. That was what had happened earlier; she'd been stupid enough to look into Jane'g big brown doe eyes. "I already promised we'd be there."

"Fine," Loki huffed.

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

Loki was surprised that he'd made it through the first course without stabbing himself with the steak knife.

It wasn't as though he was enjoying Thor's company; no, his brother was just as dull and dense as always. His girlfriend, on the other hand, was somewhat intelligent. She's spent the past hour or so asking Loki questions about magic. Magic and science, she said, were one in the same.

"Thanks so much for telling me this!" Jane gushed, running a hand through her hair. "Thor doesn't know too much, and whenever I try to bring it up with Tony, he insists that magic doesn't exist! I mean, how can he do that? He's _seen _you and Thor!"

Loki smirked and dabbed at his lips with his napkin. "Despite what he thinks, Stark is as close-minded as the rest of the mortals he holds himself above."

"Nay!" Thor managed to get out around a huge mouthful of steak and potatoes. With his mouth _open_, he chewed, making loud smacking noises. After a dramatic swallow, he banged his knife down on the table. "Do not be so hard on Friend Stark, brother. He suffers from starkisism, and cannot help it."

Next to Loki, Lily gave Thor a very skeptical look. "Starkisism?"

"Aye." Thor nodded in a way that he must have thought made him look very serious. In reality, it made him look like a buoy bobbing up and down in the ocean. "It is a rare disease that is much like narcissism, only with starkisism, you are actually as awesome as you think you are. Friend Stark believes that there is no known cure."

Both Lily and Jane face-palmed, while Loki just stared at his brother, mouth hanging open in a most undignified way. "Thor. Surely you jest?"

"This is not a jesting matter!" Thor seemed absolutely outraged that Loki would even suggest something like that. "Brother, our friend is _ill_ and without remedy! How can you be so cold?"

Upon seeing Loki bristle, the thunderer immediately backtracked. "No, that is not what I meant - "

"Of course it's not," Loki spat. "I forget - it does not _matter _to you that I am a _Jotunn_. You don't care that I am a monster. You are not at _all _disturbed by my true form, the beast that all children in Asgard are told to fear." The room had turned unexplainably cold during his rant, and there was frost forming on all of their wine glasses. "To you, I am still a brother."

"You will always be my brother, Loki."

The honesty in Thor's voice hurt much worse than a lie would have. Loki felt his heart clench. He could no longer stay here.

In one swift movement, Loki rose from the table. He gave them all a tight smile and said, "I'm sorry, but I must go. I believe," he paused, unable to resist, "that I'm coming down with a _cold_. You'll have to excuse me. Lily, dear, shall I wait up for you?"

"No." His wife shook her head and stood. "I'll go with you now." Her large blue eyes were trying to apologize to him. She looked like she was in pain, and he knew why; because _he _was in pain. A wave of affection for the girl over took him as he wrapped an arm around her waist.

"Goodbye," he told Jane and Thor.

Then, he let the darkness take him home.

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

"Steve?" a small, pathetic sounding voice asked. "I had a nightmare."

Logan jumped and smacked his head on the inside of the refrigerator - _again. _God, would he ever get a break. Grinding his teeth and letting out a sigh that sounded more like a growl, Logan slammed the door shut only to find a little kid staring up at him with large, innocent blue eyes that were filled to the brim with tears.

The kid's eyes grew bigger when he took in Logan, and he bit his lip to keep it from trembling. "Oh. I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else." His voice was shaky.

Logan rubbed the back of his neck. Well. This was awkward. To be perfectly honest, Logan couldn't remember ever really _liking _kids all that much. They were just too needy and clingy for his taste. But, here he was with a kid about to burst into tears. He shifted his weight from foot to foot, trying to remember what the professor had told him about children (other than that they didn't react well to being called 'little shit', 'pansy', or 'asshole').

"Um." He glanced around the kitchen, silently praying that someone who was more touchy-feely than he was would show up. "Wanna glass of... warm milk?" _Do you give that to cats or kids? _he wondered idly.

Apparently, you gave it to kids. The little boy nodded feebly.

"Alright," Logan said. "Just sit over there and I'll get you some."

Logan went back to the fridge and pulled out a carton of milk. After sniffing it to make sure it hadn't gone sour, he crossed over to the microwave. Thirty seconds would get it warm, right? Deciding that, yes, it would, he put the carton into the microwave and pressed the button. Half a minute later, the thing beeped.

Sure, the carton smelled a little burnt, but that probably meant it was warm. Logan walked over to the kid and handed him the milk jug. "Here."

The little bastard actually had the nerve to wrinkle his nose in disgust. Seriously? After all the effort Logan had put into that?

"Mom says I'm not allowed to drink out of the carton," he said, staring hard at the cardboard container.

"Yeah, well, your mom's not here," Logan snapped.

The kid started crying then. Guilt flooded through the mutant, but he had no idea what to do. So, naturally, he just stood there. When the kid didn't stop, he reached out and awkwardly started patting him on the back. "So, um, nightmare, right? You, uh, wanna talk about it?"

"I - I - yes," the boy choked out. With a loud sniff, he said, "I was... I was in the snow. All alone and I was trapped. There was another boy there. And a girl. They were trying to help me, but... I think it was the wind. I couldn't really see, because the storm was so strong and the snow falling so quickly, but... The wind was so strong that is blew the girl over. She fell. Off of a cliff. And the boy jumped after her.

"I was alone. They left me. Alone." The boy shivered. "It was so cold."

He sniffed again, but the tears seemed to have stopped falling. "I _knew _them. I knew I knew them. I've never seen them, yet I know them. When they fell, I felt my heart breaking into a million pieces. I was helpless," he said miserably.

Now that was something Logan could relate to. Dreams, well, nightmares really, about people he didn't know dying. And just like this kid, it broke his heart every time. It made him _angry _- angry that he couldn't for the life of him remember who they were, angry that he could do absolutely nothing to save them.

"Sucks," he told the boy gruffly. "You got a name, kid? How'd you even get in here, anyways?"

The little boy with black hair and huge blue eyes looked up at him, a slight smile on his face. "I'm Roan Odinson. My aunt is Carter McIntyre. She let me stay the night. Who are you?"

"Logan Howlett. Yeah, I know your aunt. Carter seems... better than Tony," he concluded. Then, remembering what Roan had said earlier, asked, "How come you were lookin' for Steve?"

"Steve has nightmares, too," Roan said quietly, the smile fading. "He told me about his, and he said that I could talk to him about mine if I ever needed to."

Logan thought about it for a moment. Made sense to him, he guessed.

He decided that while kids in general were bad news, Roan wasn't all that annoying. He was certainly more pleasant than most of the people in Avengers mansion. Logan... Logan actually, maybe, kind of liked him.

"Well, now you've got Steve _and _me to come to."


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen**

Rubbing his eyes, Steve stumbled into the kitchen. It'd been another long, restless night, and he was so tired that he couldn't see straight. Of course, he _could _always just go back to bed, as Tony kept reminding him. But Steve didn't like the idea of sleeping in late. The day started when the sun rose, and you were supposed to be up with the sun. That was just how things _worked_.

Or, at least, how they _used _to work.

Steve frowned and glanced down groggily when he noticed the plush carpet between his toes. There wasn't carpet in the kitchen, was there? That wouldn't be very practical...

Steve forced his eyes open, only to find that it wasn't the kitchen he'd walked into, but the living room. The huge flatscreen TV was playing the news on mute, lighting up the otherwise mostly dark room. On the couch sat Jimmy, er, _Logan_, with a sleeping Roan curled up on his lap.

Apparently, the look of Steve's face when he saw one of the gruffest men he'd ever met _cuddling _with an adorable little boy was pretty priceless, because Logan looked up and frowned. "What are you lookin' at?"

"Nothing," Steve said quickly, trying to keep a straight face. "I just thought Roan would be in bed, that's all."

Logan glanced down at the sleeping child. His expression was unreadable, but Steve swore he saw a flicker of something like protectiveness flash across his face. "Kid had a bad dream. Couldn't find you, so he came to me."

"Really?" When Steve realized how rude his tone of disbelief must of sounded, he pressed on. "I didn't think that he'd actually have any nightmares. I just thought he was nervous because this was his first time spending the night away from home. I know I was pretty scared during my first sleepover." _Which was when I was in my twenties, and at the army training camp, _he added mentally.

"Yeah," Logan agreed tonelessly.

They fell into an uncomfortable silence. Steve shifted his weight, unsure of what to do next. What he _really _wanted to do was ask Logan if he was James. He _had _ to be James. Not only did they look exactly the same, but every little motion, from the way he readjusted himself to his scowl was identical.

Or maybe Steve was just imagining things. Maybe he was clinging to the past. If he could just let go, if he could just stop wishing for what was, maybe he could see Logan for Logan - and not for an old, dead war buddy of Steve's.

OK. This was driving him crazy. He was just going to have to man up and ask.

"Um, Logan? Can I ask you something?" Steve's palms started sweating. He'd never really been good at confronting people - and people with claws and a bad attitude wasn't any easier.

Instead of replying, Logan just looked up at him and raised an eyebrow like, _Do I look like I'm gonna stop you?_.

Steve took a deep, shaky breath and steeled his nerves. "I think I know you," he said, and as soon as he did, Logan tensed. "There was a man in my unit during the war named James Howlett. He was our radio man, as well as one of the best fighters I've ever seen. Are you him? Or maybe related to him?"

As soon as he was done, Steve felt incredibly stupid. What was he thinking? There was _no _way that Logan was in any way, shape, or form related to James. His face grew red, and he looked down at the ground in shame. _Stupid, stupid. _

Logan, however, seemed to feel just as awkward about this as Steve. He looked down at Roan, and then back to Steve with an odd look in his eye. It was the same look a cornered animal got just before the thing hunting it went in for the kill.

"My last name is Howlett," Logan admitted quietly. Steve's head snapped up at that. What had he said? "I lost my memory about twenty, twenty five years ago. Before that I got nothin'. 'S all blank. But I _do _know that I fought in a lot of armies in a lot of wars. The professor told me that much. Far as I know, I could be the James Howlett you're lookin' for."

Steve breathed out a sigh of relief. So he _wasn't _crazy. Thank the Lord.

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

Carter leaned into Bruce, snuggling up against his chest. He was so warm, and Tony had gone and piled all the blanket's on top of Pepper. As far as Tony was concerned, being pregnant gave you blanket priority. Which didn't sit well with a cold Carter.

"Comfortable?" Bruce asked wryly. Adjusting her position once again, Carter just looked up and smirked at him. Somehow, the two of them had managed to squeeze into the single-person arm chair. It was cramped, but neither of them minded much.

"Oh, hey guys!" Tony exclaimed, waving his Stark phone in the air. "Guess what? We're gonna be on TV tonight! Anderson Cooper's doing a special report on us!"

Carter frowned. "Maybe it's different in Canada, but doesn't he usually report on _disasters_?" she pointed out. "Like that earthquake in Haiti, the tsunami in Japan, uprisings in Egypt and Libya..."

"What?" Bruce yelped. When he jumped, Carter nearly fell off his lap. "What you mean 'earthquake in Haiti'? When did _that _happen?"

"About... two years ago?" Tony looked to Pepper for verification, who nodded (only her head was visible under all those blankets). "Yeah, two years ago. For the first one, anyways. Then there was a second, and then a really bad outbreak of cholera."

Bruce let out a groan and buried his face in Carter's back. "I just want to go back to my little cave in Canada." His lips moving against her back tickled, and she had to stifle a giggle.

"Only if I get to come, too," she told him with a grin.

Across the room, Clint made a gagging noise. "I'm sick of all these people in love," he announced, glaring at all of them. "Seriously - Thor's got a bad case of puppy love, Tony's turned into a slave, and Bruce is _happy_. I can't take it anymore." Clint propelled himself to his feet. "Me and my bros are going clubbing, and that's final. Steve, Logan. Get your jackets."

"Fuck you," Logan replied.

After glancing at Logan and wincing, Steve turned to Clint. "Clubbing?" he asked, eyebrows raised.

Clint got this wild look in his eye as a crazy grin formed. He opened his mouth, but what cut off from an unexpected visitor.

Nick Fury stood in the doorway, giving them his signature _I hate you all_ scowl. He looked around the room once, commanding their attention with his badass-ness alone. "Avengers," he greeted in a cold voice.

"Dad," Tony replied. Iron Man stretched out on the couch, giving off a completely flippant air. "What is it this time? You need us to unjam the copier? Fix that squeaky door? Oh, wait, I know! Yesterday was Taco day at SHIELD, and now the toilet's clogged. Just let me grab a plunger, and we'll be right over."

"No." Fury eyed the billionaire with a gaze so intense that Carter was sure lasers were going to come shooting out of it. Tony must have gotten the same idea, because he shrank back next to Pepper. Putting his hands together behind his back, Fury strode forward and began pacing the length of the living room. "There's been a... complication. Avengers, report to the Baxter Building. Now."

Grumbling, the Avengers got up and started filing out of the room. Just as Bruce and Carter started to walk out the door, Fury reached out and held Bruce back. "Not you, Banner," he said. "You are no longer part of the Initiative."

"What?" Carter cried, staring at the director in disbelief. "You've gotta be kidding me. Just because he's not the Hulk anymore, you're kicking him out?" Anger coursed through her. "That's completely ridiculous! He's like, the smartest person here!"

"I'll pretend I didn't hear that," Tony muttered. As always, Fury ignored him.

The director narrowed his eye. "It is not your decision to make, McIntyre. As it is, we already _have _a scientist working on this issue. Banner here is no longer needed."

Before Carter could punch Fury in the face, Bruce laid a hand on her shoulder. "It's fine," he told her. "Really. I need to go to the library anyways. I'll see you later." He kissed her lightly and strode off without another word.

"So..." Tony said, breaking the silence that had formed. "I'm driving!"

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

"What _is _this?" Loki hissed. His living room was flooded with... _stuffed animals_? And _flowers_? And... were those _Poptart_ boxes?

_Thor_...

As best he could, Loki maneuvered over piles and piles of the fluffy things, trying not to lose his balance. By Odin's beard, he was going to _kill _-

He was cut off mid-mental threat when he tripped over a large plush _unicorn_ and face-planted into a teddy bear. His growl was muffled by the stupid child's toy, and, anger rising, Loki gathered up his magic so as to _blast _all of these meaningless gifts into oblivion. He stopped, however, when his hand closed around a piece of paper.

Sitting up straight, Loki brought the paper into view. Almost immediately, he recognized Thor's sloppy penmanship. What was this? An apology letter? Loki squinted down at the letter and tried to decipher what Thor had written.

_Dearest brother,_

_I am so sorry about last night. It slipped out. I did not meant to offend you. I wish to make it up to you. According to the Google, when you have wronged someone, you are supposed to bring them flowers, toy animals, and chocolates. I pray that this will tell you how deeply and truly sorry I am._

_Deepest apologies,_

_Thor_

_P.S. I could not find any chocolates, so I brought you chocolate Poptarts instead. _

Against his will, most of the anger flooded out of Loki. Even if his brother was an inept fool, at least he _tried_. Loki sighed; he knew he'd forgive Thor. There was really no point in trying to hold a grudge.


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen **

Thor decided very quickly that he did not like these mortal contraptions known as 'elevators'. And the only thing he liked less than elevators was the music played in them. It was driving him insane. The constant, chirping melody... Thor's hand had actually started twitching.

"Easy big guy," Friend Stark said, patting Thor on the shoulder. "This is kind of a cramped space - we'd hate for you to summon lightning right about now. Not only because that would electrocute all of us, but you'd probably short-out the circuits, the elevator would lose power, and we'd go crashing to the ground in a nice big ball of flame."

Carter, who was standing in the corner, hissed at Stark. She had her eyes squeezed shut, and she was gripping the gold railing the lined the elevator wall so hard that her knuckles were white. "Shut it," she growled.

"Oh, ho, ho!" Stark raised his eye brows and smirked. "A bit claustrophobic, are we?"

The force-field barer ground her teeth, glaring daggers at Tony. "No."

"What is it, then? Heights?" the archer, Barton, was on the very close to laughter. He nudged the girl playfully. "Is the same Carter that decided that it'd be a _good _idea to latch onto the back of a giant wolf scared of heights?"

Friend Rogers folded his arms. He looked at them all with an authoritative glare that even made Thor, Prince of Asgard, feel obliged to listen to whatever his command may be. "Leave her alone, guys."

Rogers was dismissed. "I'm not scared of heights," Carter replied, narrowing her eyes at both Barton and Stark. "I'm scared of falling - and shattering into a million pieces when I hit the ground."

"Well, I hate to be a know-it-all." Stark grinned. "But it's more likely that you'd splatter than shattering. Technically speaking, of course."

"Not true," Natasha said, speaking for the first time. She looked at Stark with a critical gaze. "I've pushed lots of people off of buildings. Most of the time, you can hear their bones break. I suppose it's more of a crack than a shatter, but it's the same general principle."

Stark tapped his chin as he considered that. "Yeah, that makes sense. _But _since we're so high up right now, when we hit the ground, the force of impact would probably make us into Avenger pancakes. That would make a squishing sound, wouldn't it?"

"Oh my freaking _God_," Carter moaned. In a most deranged manner, she started banging her head against the wall. "I hate you _all_. Someone get me the hell out - "

With a ding, the elevator doors slid apart.

"Thank you!" Carter propelled herself through the doors and into the hallway. "Thank you! Land!"

Thor frowned as he stepped out behind Logan, who immediately moved away from the rest of the group. "This is not land," Thor informed Carter. "We are still as high up as we were a moment ago."

"But we're not hanging from suspension cords right now. And that makes _all _the difference in the world." Carter straightened up. "I told you, I'm not afraid of _heights_. I'm scared of falling, and right now I'm not at risk. So it's cool."

Silence took over once again. Thor, who had never spent much time in mortal office buildings, found himself intrigued by the art hanging on the wall. But, the longer he looked at it, the deeper his scowl became. "I do not understand," he said slowly. "This is not art - this is an assortment of shapes and colors. I could have easily done this myself."

"But you _didn't_," Stark pointed out. "And that, my friend, is the definition of modern art."

Just then, Logan snorted. "Are we just gonna wait out here?" He looked around at them stoically. "'Cause this is getting - "

"Oh! You're here!"

The Avengers turned to face the other end of the hallway to see a man peering around the corner. He had a rather odd haircut, even by Midgardian standards; stormy gray streaked his black hair on either side of his head, just above his ears. "Sorry, I just wasn't expecting you so soon." The man turned around and called, "Hey, guys! They're here!"

His neck snapped back and out of view, making the sound of a rubber band as it did.

"Uh," Clint said as he stared at the spot where the man had been seconds ago. "Did anyone else see that that guy had a _giraffe's _neck?"

Thor nodded. "Aye. What manner of creature is he?"

"Reed Richards," a voice said from behind. All of them jumped and turned at once, only to find themselves staring at air. For a moment, anyway. The air soon shimmered and a pretty tan, blonde woman in a navy suit much like Natasha's was standing before them. "But you all may now him better as Mr. Fantastic." She gave them a warm smile. "I'm Sue Richards, the Invisible Woman."

When Thor heard the sound of a thousand boulders crashing down behind him, his hand instinctively flew to Mjolnir, and he whirled around, ready to bash the rocks before they harmed him and his allies.

It wasn't a landslide; it was a beast. A beast made entirely of bright orange rocks. The thing glanced warily at the hammer, then held his hands up in surrender. "Whoa there."

"This is Ben Grimm," Sue explained. "He's - "

"I see Banner didn't show," Ben interrupted, a grin forming.

Carter cocked her head to the side. "You know Bruce?"

"Yeah," Ben chuckled, crossing his bulky arms. "I've had a few run-ins with 'im before. Hulk and I don't exactly get along too good. Guess he remember the last time I kicked his a - "

"Ben. Be nice," Sue chided. She glared daggers at her companion before smiling apologetically at the Avengers. "We're glad you could come. If you could just follow me, I'll show you what you came to see."

The Invisible Woman led them into the main room just off of the hall. Once again, Thor had to give mortals credit for their advance in technology; wires, rays, and all sorts of complicated looking contraptions were strewn all over the place. Papers were scattered over desks, and boards were filled with 'math' equations that were totally beyond his comprehension. It was clear to Thor that whoever lived here was both a very smart man and a man of science.

So he was a tad shocked when a younger man walked nonchalantly into the room wearing nothing but a towel.

"Hey, Sue, did I hear Reed say that our guests had arrived? Oh, hi guys." The man smirked and glanced down at his half-nakedness. He seemed comfortable, standing before them in such improper attire. "Didn't know you'd be here so soon. I'm Johnny Storm, or the Human Torch. But you all already knew that."

Johnny Storm bounded over to them, taking them in with an almost critical gaze. When he got to Natasha, he stopped and wiggled his eyebrows, much like the Son of Howard did. "Hiya. Gotta a name, beautiful?"

"Natasha Romanoff," the Black Widow replied tightly.

"Well, then, Natasha Romanoff..." Johnny leaned in and whispered something in her ear. Natasha's eyes grew wide, then narrowed very suddenly. In one swift movement, she grabbed Johnny's arm and jerked him over her shoulder.

Johnny hit the ground with a loud, hollow thud, gasping for breath. After coughing several times, he looked up pathetically at Carter, who raised an eyebrow. "If I tried flirting with you, would you karate-flip me, too?"

"No. I'd have Natasha do it."

The Human Torch nodded thoughtfully. "Duly noted." He staggered to his feet and looked around in an somewhat ashamed manner. "I'll just go put on some pants pants."

"Don't forget a shirt, hot-head," Ban growled.

"If my abs really distract you that much, Ben, I'll cover them up. For your sake."

"Why you little - "

Jonny darted back out of the room before Ben could follow through with that threat.

"He looks like me," Friend Rogers muttered, watching the other man leave with a confused expression on his face. "Doesn't he look like me?"

The other just stared at him. Stark was the first to reply. "Mmm. No. Not all. Have you been drinking or something, buddy? 'Cause you guys couldn't look more different."

"I can't get drunk. And are you sure?" the captain looked around for support. "I really think he looks like me!"

Stark patted Rogers on the shoulder. "You keep telling yourself that."

"Sorry to interrupt," Logan said in a not-very-apologetic voice, "but didn't we come here for a _reason_?"

"Yes. This way." Sue continued walking them through their penthouse apartment. They were ushered into a little side room, filled with computers and screens. Lights were blinking and flashing everywhere Thor looked, and the thunderer was overwhelmed. Things were so much simpler on Asgard...

A rolling chair came spinning into the middle of the room, and in it sat Reed Richards. He grinned at them all. "Hi. Sorry I didn't really have time to introduce myself earlier, but I'm Dr. Reed Richards. We, the Fantastic Four, that is, have been working with SHIELD's science department lately, and last week we found some interesting disturbances. The deeper we looked into it, the more we realized this was going to be a problem."

"What problem?" Logan growled impatiently. He, like Thor, seemed to have no tolerance for these ramblings of science. Action and fighting was far more interesting.

"Well." Richards propelled himself over to the nearest computer and pulled up a map on the screen. It was not a place that Thor recognized. After tapping in one last command, Richards turned to face them again. "Are you all familiar with the Big Bang Theory?"

"Never heard of it," Tony said matter-of-factly. When Reed stared at him with his mouth hanging open, Tony amended the previous statement by adding, "Bazinga."

Richards still looked incredulous. "I'm talking about the _other _Big Bang Theory. Or more importantly, the theory of expansion."

"Uh, yeah." Barton raised his hand like a school boy waiting to be called on. "I grew up in the circus, so you're gonna have to elaborate a bit."

"Alright," Richards agreed, nodding his head. "The Big Bang Theory is that our whole universe was in a hot, dense state. Then, nearly fourteen billion years ago, expansion started. Our universe went from being this - " he touched his fingertips together " - to _this_." His fingers elongated, making a much bigger sphere. "And the theory of expansion is that ever since then, our universe has been slowly growing larger and larger." To demonstrate, he made his fingers even longer than they were before. "It doesn't grow at a rate you would notice. Probably less than a thousandth of a centimeter a day."

Richards whirled back around and began pounding the keys of his computer. A second map joined the first on screen. "This one on the left is the eastern-European country of Latvertia in December, 2011. Here, it has a square mileage of about 100,000, as it always has." Richards zoomed in on the second map. "This was taken last week. It's still Latvertia, and it's borders haven't moved, but it's square mileage has increased to about 200,000.

"We believe that Dr. Doom, the Latvertian ruler, has some how found a way to speed up the expansion process in a certain, controlled area."

All Thor got from that was the ruler's strange name. "Dr. _Doom_?"

"He has a PhD in 'doom'," Carter replied in a helpful tone. Then, turning to the other team's scientist said, "Lemme get this straight. This Doom guy has somehow found a way to increase _his _countries landmass without effecting any countries around it?" When Richards nodded, Carter plowed on. "Now, I get _why _this is a problem; a seemingly psychotic dictator is messing with the laws of the universe. I get that. But why didn't you guys just go ahead and do something about it?"

A dark look crossed both of the Richards' face, and somewhere behind Thor, Ben let out a growl. "Victor von Doom is our arch-nemesis," Mr. Fantastic explained. "If we were to get within a hundred mile radius of Latvertia, he would declare war on us, and by extent, the United States."

"Technically, Victor hasn't done anything _wrong _yet," Sue added. "He hasn't made any aggressive actions, or violated any codes of conduct. This has been labeled a 'delicate political matter' by the government. SHIELD wants someone to negotiate, someone with experience with super-villains. As we aren't an option, Director Fury chose you."

Stark burst out laughing. "Whoa, whoa, _whoa_. Hold up," he gasped between giggles. "Fury chose _us _to go make _peace_? You're _joking_, right?"

"That's what I said." Johnny strode into the room, this time fully-clothed. "I said, 'If Tony Stark is gets to be a political ambassador, so do I."

"Yeah, right." Ben chuckled, a deep, rumbling chuckle. "You said, 'If the effing Avengers get to go to Latvertia, then we get to vacation in Vegas'."

Johnny waved him off. "Same thing."

"_Anyways_." Richards glared at his teammates, then looked back to the Avengers apologetically. "We need you. SHIELD needs you. America needs you."

"Oh my God, he sounds like Steve," Stark muttered under his breath. Carter held in a laugh.

Rogers, who had heard Tony's comment, shot a murderous look at the billionaire. Then he turned to the Fantastic Four. "We'd be happy to help."

"Alright!" Barton pumped his fist in the air. "Road trip! I call shot-gun!"


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen**

As the stretch limo pulled up in front of the New York public library, Erik was reminded that, as a wanted super-villain, he should probably be a bit more discreet, despite his new ally's flamboyant tastes. He wrapped his trench coat around him and pulled his fedora down lower.

"Ms. MacPherran," Erik said, smiling slightly at the red-headed woman who had brought him into this in the first place. "It's been a pleasure."

Mary McPherran returned his smile. "And the same to you, Mr. Leshnerr. We'll be in contact with you shortly. I trust everything will be in order within the next week?" Her arched eyebrow was both a question and a threat. Fortunately, Erik was used to dealing with people who thought they could bully him like that.

"Everything will be ready for when your master requires it," he replied almost wryly. He felt a burst of satisfaction when the young woman bristled at the use of the word 'master'. Grinning, he pushed the car door open. "Good day, Ms. McPherran."

Erik was bombarded by an unusually cold gust of wind as he jogged up the granite stairs. New York was such a temperamental place; even in June, you never knew what kind of weather to expect. If this wasn't the best place to launch world domination plots from, Erik probably would have set up a base somewhere else by now.

The elderly little desk receptionist smiled at Erik as he passed by, and like he did every Wednesday, he shot her a grin and a wink. Seeing her face grow red and the bashful smile that would follow always made Erik feel good about himself. Even after all these years, he still had it.

As per usual, the library was relatively empty. Stressed college students pouring over papers and the loners listening to music in the corners were the only ones occupying it. And that was in the more popular sections. Not many people spent time in the 'History of the Far East' section where Erik's chessboard was.

That was why he stopped short when he found someone sitting in his chair, at his chessboard. A mess of curly black hair was the only thing visible, because the man was buried in old book. When he went to push his glasses up the bridge of his nose, Erik caught just enough of his face to recognize the man.

Now that he knew who this man was, Erik only had one question: _Why was Bruce Banner sitting in his seat?_

"Reading anything interesting?" Erik took off his fedora and placed it on the table, sitting down in his seat after he did.

Banner nearly jumped out of his seat when Erik spoke. Eyes wide, he opened and closed his mouth several times, looking for words. His face grew redder the longer he searched. "I - I'm sorry. Is this, um, your seat? I'll just... go, if I'm disturbing you - "

"Nonsense." Erik waved him off. "You were here first, after all. Do you play, by chance?" Smiling, he swept his hand over the chessboard.

"I haven't in a while, but I could give it a shot if you want. Let me just fold my page down..." Fumbling, Banner held the book to fold the corner down. Erik leaned forward ever so slightly so as to get a better look at the title. _Hiroshima and Nagasaki: The Untold Casualties of War_.

_Strange_, Erik thought to himself.

Banner placed the book down beside him and smiled. "White goes first, right?"

"Perhaps you remember more than you than you give yourself credit for," Erik replied. After observing the board for a moment, he moved his pawn forward.

Banner countered quickly, moving a pawn of his own. Now here was an intelligent man, a worthy opponent for Erik. In more ways than one. After all, Banner was an Avenger, Erik's new sworn enemy. Perhaps he could win something more than just the chess match...

"Have you always been interested in the Second World War?" Erik picked up another pawn and with it, gestured towards the book the scientist had been reading. "I myself know a great deal about the European theater. More than I would care to, actually." He adjusted his arm just enough so that his sleeve was revealing that horrid number he'd been branded with as a child.

Banner's mouth fell open and his eyes grew wide, but he quickly recovered, clearing his throat. "I - I'm sorry. About what happened. That must have been..." The other man looked away uncomfortably, then turned back and held up the book with an awkward smile. "Um, anyway, I was reading this more for the effects of radiation on the people who were caught in the atomic blast." He moved his same pawn forward another space.

"Radiation is a fascinating subject," Erik agreed as he surveyed the board. "It can cure as many diseases as it causes. Some of the stories you hear about the survivors..." He glanced up to gauge Banner's reaction. "It almost seems as if the lucky ones were the people who died immediately."

Banner gulped and tugged nervously at the color of his shirt. When Erik saw what was just beneath the cloth, he had to fight to keep his poker face and pretend like he hadn't noticed the other man's slip up.

A purplish-red rash was spiderwebbing it's way across Banner's chest. Scaly and patchy, it reminded Erik of some of the children who'd been experimented on by those Nazi bastards.

As best he could, he nonchalantly moved his knight. "But there was always a chance they could be cured."

"Maybe there was." Banner folded his hands on the table and concentrating intensely on the chessboard. "I certainly haven't been able to find one." Another move was made.

Erik weighed his options, judging how best to play this. A mind game. Yes, that was the way to do it. He placed a pawn into an attack position.

"Well, with that attitude, your lack of discovery doesn't come as a surprise, Dr. Banner."

Banner let out a strangled noise and dropped the piece he'd been holding onto the board. Eyes wide, he turned to Erik with wide eyes, completely and obviously shocked.

Erik gestured to the fallen rook. "That counted as your move."

"What do you want from me?" Banner growled quietly. While he was trying to fix the metal-bender with an intense gaze, it failed failed miserably because his eyes darted about the room, searching for anyone else who could possible be a threat to him.

The older man chuckled. "I don't want anything from you - what I wanted, you've already given to me." When the scientist looked confused, Erik explained. "Information, Dr. Banner. If I'm correct, you've unwittingly told me what you haven't even told your teammates. For that, I thank you." In one swift movement, he stood.

Banner tensed, his lip curling upward. "Who are you?"

"My name is Erik Leshnerr, but I prefer - " he held out his hand, using his powers to send his queen across the board " -_ Magneto_."

A smug smile crossed his face as he placed his fedora back on top of his head.

"_Checkmate_."

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

Logan was more than happy to just lean against the quinjet wall and let his team come up with a battle plan. If it were up to him, he'd probably just run into Doom's castle, claws out, and demand to see the guy. Apparently, that wasn't the way you handle a 'delicate political situation'.

Stark spread the map out of Latvertia out on the airship's floor, tapping a pencil to his chin. "OK," he said. "So, according to Richards, Doom lives off in his little castle, Castle Doom. Which this map thinks is about two or three miles away from... Doomstadt. Doomstadt... am I saying that right?"

"Try using a Russian accent," Carter suggested. When Natasha shot her a glare, she glanced back at Stark awkwardly. "Never mind. I'm sure your doing it right."

"That's what she said!" Barton called from up in the cockpit. There was the sound of skin hitting skin - Barton must have convinced Thor to give him a high-five. For the fifth time in the last half-hour.

Natasha rolled her eyes at the archer's comment and leaned forward to point to a spot on the map. "Landing a SHIELD issued quinjet in the middle of the Latvetian capital may not be the best idea. It looks like there's a small town right near Castle Doom." She squinted at the map, then pulled back and nodded, satisfied. "We'll land in Doomsville."

"These people were real creative," Logan muttered. He pushed himself off against the wall and began to circle the map. Doomsriver, Doomopolis, Mount Doom. One thing was very clear to the mutant: This Doom guy had a bigger ego than Stark.

Rogers frowned and joined the other three Avengers on the floor. "There's about a quarter of a mile between Doomsville and Castle Doom. Are we just going walk to the castle? Shouldn't we call in and announce ourselves? We are on a diplomatic mission, after all."

"And?" Stark asked, raising an eyebrow. He sighed and shook his head. "Look, Steve. Nowadays, 'diplomatic mission' is the same thing as 'invasion', minus the guns and tanks and stuff. Do you really think calling in and saying, 'Hey, this is the Avengers. We just wanna walk into your leader's castle and have a little chat with him. Let us land our heavily armored ship at your airport?' would not go over well."

"I still think it would be polite," Steve muttered, folding his arms over his chest.

Logan snorted at the other man's naivety. "Polite won't get you anywhere."

Suddenly, the quinjet lurched forward, sending all the Avengers into the wall opposite them. The lights flickered off, and the angle they were flying at dropped suddenly.

"Aw, fuck!" Clint shouted. From the cockpit, there came the sound of a lot buttons be smashed. "Shit, shit, shit! Guys - I lost power! We've got no control of the jet! Oh my God, we're all gonna die!"

Carter, who had landed sort of on top of Logan, grew very pale, very quickly. Terror filled her bright green eyes, but she calmly got out in a voice about an octave hight than usual, "See, _this_ is what I'm afraid of."

"What do you mean you lost power?" Stark cried. "What did you do, Clint? Press the self-destruct button?"

"I didn't do anything!"

"The archer tells the truth!" Thor yelled. "There is no explanation for what is happening!"

Stark growled. "No explanation my ass," he muttered. Then, louder. "OK, guys! I'm coming! Don't touch anything until I get there!" Pushing off against the wall, the billionaire laughed himself towards a huge computer, grabbing it to keep from falling back again. Stark began to claw his way towards to cockpit.

"Hello, Avengers." A smooth voice said over the speaker-system. "Welcome to Latvertia."

"I said don't touch anything!" Stark roared.

There was both fear and desperation in Barton's voice when he shouted back, "We didn't!"

The man who'd somehow hacked their system chuckled. _"No, Mr. Stark. I assure you that this is all my doing."_

"Well, then, undo it!" Carter howled. "We're kind of falling to our deaths here!" Logan had to give the girl credit - she was doing an excellent job of keeping calm, but he could smell fear rolling off of her in waves.

_"Hmm... I suppose I could give you your power back. But, then, you come into my country in a war machine without announcing yourselves. Who's to say what you'll do to me?_"

_Doom_, Logan thought angrily. _God, he_ is_ worse than Stark._ "Look here, bub," Logan snarled. "We came here to talk about peace! If I make it out of this alive, and I will, I am going to come up to your wimpy little princess castle and kick your royal ass!"

"_Oooh_," Doom replied, clicking his tongue in disapproval. "A bit touchy, are we? No matter. It should make negotiations more fun."

Just as suddenly as it had began to dip forward, the quinjet leveled out again. All of them fell to the floor in a heap, panting heavily. The lights came back on, and Barton could be heard thanking as many gods as he could think of for getting them out alive.

"Now that we've settle that, I'd like to invite you to land just in front of Castle Doom. Really, there's no need to walk a quarter of a mile, is there?" Doom just laughed, as he he could see the surprised looks on their faces. How long had the kind of Latvertia been listening to their conversation? "I look forward to see you."

With that, the over-head speaker system went static.

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

It looked like someone had taken a giant flyswatter, stuck it in a fire, and then used it to brand him.

Bruce winced, turning to the side to get a better look at the rash forming on his chest and back. God, that didn't look good at all. Maybe it was just the mirror? Or the lighting? No. In reality, it was probably worse than what he saw.

He reached down to the vial he'd placed at the edge of the sink. The clear liquid sloshed around as Bruce lifted it up to the light. Whatever was in this had bought Tony more time when he'd been dying.

And that was the best Bruce could hope for.

He plunged the needle into his neck, gasping as the icy-cold liquid started coursing through his veins. He shuddered violently, and the vial fell to the floor. It shattered, sending little shards of glass everywhere. Bruce stared at it blankly.

When he looked back to the mirror, he gasped again - but this time, in surprise. The toxic rash that had been there a minute ago had completely disappeared. Bruce breath out a sigh of relief. Then, he remembered what he'd actually done.

It wasn't a cure - it was time.


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen**

Tony was clutching his Iron-Man-in-a-box briefcase like he was Leonardo di Caprio and it was that piece of wood Kate Winselt was on. Not that he was nervous or anything. No, not at all nervous. What part of giant, menacing Doombots 'escorting' them through Castle Doom would be unnerving? Tony sure had no idea.

The Doombots (larger-than-Tony sized robots with square jaws and flowing green capes) turned down a hallway, pushing the team along. Logan growled at one of them, unsheathing his claws and gesturing threateningly at the machine. Fat lot of good that would do; Natasha had already stabbed one of them, and they were still as pushy as they had been before.

Tony raised an eyebrow when he saw the decor in this part of the castle. Up until now, there'd been the standard tapestries, coats of armor, and medieval weaponry hanging on the walls, but clearly Doom had stepped it up here. The walls were lined with his green and silver emblem, and torches that had green fire lit the way. Doombots stood on either side of the Latvertian ruler's version a red carpet (a green carpet), their glowing eyes looking straight ahead. It reminded him of the guards with the funny hats at Buckingham palace. Speaking of which...

Curious to see if he could get a reaction out of them, Tony leapt out, stretching his face out like a little kid and screaming like someone who needed mental help. He scowled at the robot when it just stood there.

Cold hands wrapped around his arms, and before he knew what was happening, one of the escort Doombots lifted him up and placed him back in the middle of the group. Carter shot Tony a smirk, and in retaliation, he stuck his tongue out at her as he rubbed his arms. Man, those things took 'iron grip' to a whole new level.

"Natasha," Tony muttered, glaring at the Doombot nearest him. "If Doom flirts with you, you have my permission to karate flip him. Out a window."

The Black Widow snorted. "Gee, thanks, Tony," she replied sarcastically. "I wasn't going to do that if I didn't have your permission."

"Guys," Steve said. He gave them all a pleading look. "This is serious. We can't do anything to anger him. We could start World War Three if we do."

"He nearly crashed our plane. I think he owes us at least one good five-story fall out of a window," Carter reasoned. "If that doesn't work out, I'd be more than happy to punch him in the face."

Logan, who'd gotten into a glare-off with one of the 'bots, turned back to the rest of them and grinned evilly. "I could always claw his eyes out," he offered, holding up the very sharp pointy things in question.

"And if any of those fail," Thor announced, "I shall unleash the full power of Mjolnir on this Dr. Doom."

Steve sighed in frustration. "Look, it's great that we're bonding, but we have to stop this! We can't hurt or maim or kill Doom. He's the king of Latvertia!"

"Not if he takes an arrow to the knee first," Clint quipped. He grinned crazily at the idea, his eyes lighting up. "Then we can beat the crap out of him!"

Tony was about to reply when he walked straight into the back of one of the Doombots. Rubbing his nose, which felt like it was about to start bleeding, he jumped back, cursing under his breath.

"Dr. Doom will see you now," the Doombots informed them, speaking as one. It sent shivers up Tony's spine - they sounded exactly like Dr. Doom had when he'd overridden their system.

So far, this guy was coming off as a complete creeper.

A huge pair of wooden double doors opened, and the Doombots pushed everyone inside. Just as Tony turned to make a rude comment, the doors slammed shut again, locking them inside. One of them gulped audibly, and Tony heard Carter quietly ask Natasha if she had any extra knives on her.

"Welcome to Castle Doom," the same smooth voice that had nearly brought their doom (_oh, Tony and his puns_) said. From a chair placed in front of a crackling fire, a man stood. He turned to face them, wearing a seemingly warm smile.

Tony did a double take. This wasn't some creepy king - this was the kind of guy he would hang out with. Black slacks, and a nice black dress shirt? The man could have easily passed for one of the other billionaire playboys Tony was 'friends' with. Clean-cut and well-groomed, it was clear to Tony that Doom, if he hadn't been an evil super-villain, would have been something of a chick-magnet.

He held his hands out in a welcoming gesture. "I'm Victor von Doom. Please, take a seat. I'll have one of my Doombots bring us some drinks."

"Yeah, arsenic," Logan growled. He folded his arms over his chest and stared down the king. "You've already tried to kill us once today; I'm not touchin' anything you give me."

Doom smiled, pointing his finger at Logan in an 'Aha!' way. "You're the touchy one, aren't you? I've introduced myself - could you be polite enough to return the favor?"

Steve, ever the diplomat, clamped a hand over Logan's mouth and smiled tightly at Doom. "This Logan Howlett. I'm Steve Rogers."

"Captain America," Doom said slowly. "For some reason, I thought you'd be taller. It must have been the way they drew you in the comics. And, uh, Mr. Stark." The evil mastermind grinned at Tony. "I'd guessed you'd be this short."

Before Tony could make a comeback about how Doom was clearly using his overly eleborate castle to compensate for something, the Latvertian king moved down the line of Avengers. "Agent Romanoff, Agent Barton. Your, ah, abilities have reached even my ears."

Natasha, who'd clearly been expecting to have to hurl Doom to his death, shrugged. Clint gave him the usual 'Of course you've heard of me' look, doing something that looked a bit like the Justin Bieber hair flip. Only it was a complete fail, because Clint had a buzz-cut.

"Can't say I know either of you on sight." Doom stroked his chin as he stood in front of Thor and Carter. "But if I had to take a guess, I'd say you were Thor and Safeguard, the child terrorist."

Carter's eyebrows shot up. "I hadn't realized that was my full title."

"I'm sure the media had something to do with it," Doom smirked. He glanced around, clearly pretending to be confused. "Where is Dr. Banner? I've followed his work closely over the years - I was rather hoping to meet him today."

"You know, you'd make an excellent stalker," Carter told him. "Actually, you are an excellent stalker. And Bruce stayed back to man the computers. He's watching us right now. Try anything, and an entire fleet of SHIELD quinjets comes in and blows you to smithereens."

"I don't believe you."

"Would you believe two SHIELD squads and a tank?"

"No."

"How about Phil Coulson, with a bebe-gun?"

Steve stepped in between the two of them, face growing red as he looked helplessly at Doom. "Please, sir, she's only joking."

"Yeah," Carter muttered, crossing her arms over her chest. "If I'd been serious, I probably would have threatened you with Coulson first."

"Alright, guys!" Tony clapped his hands in an attempt to get all of the attention on him. Not that he was for making peace with Doom, but he really didn't want to have to deal with those Doombots again. They were freaking him out a bit. "Let's try to avoid thermo-nuclear war, m'kay? Doom, we heard you've been messing with the rules of the universe. Is that true?"

Doom blinked, staring at Tony like he was crazy. Then, the guy burst into maniacal chuckles. "Richards has been spying on me, hasn't he? Well, if you came all the way here to see what I've been up to, I suppose I could humor you." In a few long strides, Doom crossed the room and stood dramatically next to one of his green torches on the wall. Grinning, he closed his hand around the torch's base and pulled down.

With a crunching sound, a section of the wall moved back and to the side, forming a secret passage way. As stereotypical as it was for an old, creepy castle, Tony felt his jaw drop and his eyebrows raise.

"After you." Doom made a great sweeping gesture towards the entrance.

The Avengers exchanged glances before, one by one, heading down the tunnel.


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter Seventeen**

Jane had never really had what you might call 'friends' growing up.

As a toddler, she'd spent most of her time in her dad's office. Talking to your dad is great, but it doesn't exactly help you develop social skills. When she got a little older, Jane branched out - she'd go and visit Erik's office, too.

In school, she'd kept mostly to herself. In her opinion, math and science were both way more interesting than shoes and boys. That kind of attitude made other girls (and any perspective boyfriends) head for the hills. It wasn't until college, when her father died and she found herself without any friends there for moral support, that Jane realized that there was a problem with being anti-social. By that time, it was too late. She was just too awkward around people.

But right now, as she cried on the couch with Pepper and Lily while Darcy watched on warily, she felt more accepted than she ever had in her entire life. The three women clutched each other tightly, the way the wished they could hold their missing loved ones.

"What - what if he doesn't make it back?" Pepper sobbed. She wiped uselessly at her nose, inhaling deeply. "He'll never know his child! And I'll - I'll miss him so _much_."

Lily nodded feebly. "I just got Carter back. She's been gone so long and... and... I can't lose her now!" Her tears came more frequently after that.

Jane felt the same way - only about Thor, not Tony and Carter. She'd spent months and months of her life missing him, and working to bring him back to her. Now that they were together again, Jane couldn't imagine anything else. She was pretty sure that she probably loved him.

And Thor couldn't die before she got the change to tell him that.

From her big cushy chair, Darcy looked up at them and rolled her eyes. "You guys are pathetic, you know that? They went to make a peace treaty, right? They're not gonna die - you can't really _kill_ someone trying to make a _peace treaty_. That kind of ruins the point."

"Can you _guarantee_ their safety?" Pepper hissed. Oh, boy. Darcy just _had _to go and say something that would piss off the pregnant lady. Jane really needed to teach her assistant some manners. "Can you be absolutely _sure _that they'll come back to us?"

"Uh, _yeah_. That's what I just said. This 'Doom' guy can't lay a finger on them if they're there for a political reason. I would know; I'm a political science major."

Pepper jumped to her feet. Unfortunately for Lily and Jane, the other woman still had the blanket clutched around her, so there was a now a wool screen blocking Jane's view. And slightly suffocating her. With a great deal of effort, she untangled herself from the blanket only to find that the wife of the world's richest man and her personal assistant had gotten into a really intense stare-off.

"Victor von Doom is a _madman_," Pepper snarled. "My husband - and Lily's sister and Jane's boyfriend - are at his mercy right now. We haven't heard anything from them in hours. We have no idea what's - "

"Oh, hey, guys."

Everyone turned to see Bruce Banner standing in the doorway, reading something on his phone. Oblivious to the cat-fight he's just walked in on, he distractedly continued, "The guys are gonna be home soon, and Tony wants me to go pick up a pizza for dinner. What kind of toppings do you guys want?"

"Pineapple and italian sausage," Darcy replied.

Pepper just stared incredulously at Bruce. "What did you just say?"

"Uh, Tony wants me to pick up a pizza, and I asked what you guys wanted on it." Jane's fellow scientist glanced up. His eyes grew wide when he saw just how emotional all the women were. "What's going on? Did I miss something?"

"Did Tony call you?" Pepper stalked forward, narrowing her eyes at Bruce. "When? When did he call you?"

Bruce backed up, holding his hands in the air in surrender. "He texted me a couple of minutes ago..."

"What did he say? What _exactly _did he say?"

"Umm..." There was a pause while Bruce pulled up the original text on his phone. "'Logan just threw up lol. Carter is having mental-breakdown'... um, you don't need to hear that next part, Tony was being perverted... 'Be back in thirty, grab pizza. Steve wants from Brooklyn. Get girls' orders - we'll have what they're having'." When he finished, he looked back to Pepper nervously. "That was all it said."

Jane could tell from the way Pepper was shaking that her new friend was resisting the urge to smack Bruce (only because Tony wasn't available to be on the receiving end of the hit). "Thank you," she said tightly. "I'll have pepperoni."

"Can I have green pepper and mushrooms?" Lily asked, smiling slightly at Bruce. She wiped the tears from her eyes, and added, "Carter likes extra cheese on hers."

Bruce grinned. "Yeah, I know. Hey, Jane, any requests?"

"Oh, I'm fine with whatever." Jane shrugged as nonchalantly as she could. She was still a little shaken up from thinking about losing Thor. "Really. I'm sure Thor feels the same way."

A string of curses escaped Bruce's lips at that. In response to their questioning looks, he said, "I just realized that I'm picking pizza up for _Thor _and about a dozen _other _people." He sighed and zipped up his jacket. "I'll be back in about twenty minutes - _if_ I can find a moving van to help me get all the food back."

Once they heard the door close, Jane, Pepper, and Lily exchanged glances. Then, as one, they burst out laughing. It wasn't that anything funny had happened, it was just that they were relived. And for some reason, the best way to express that was by laughing like a psychos.

_Oh my God_, Jane thought as she desperately clutched her aching sides._ This is screwing with my emotions too much..._

Darcy edged away from them like they had the plague. Lip curled up in disgust, she just shook her head. "I live with a bunch of crazies."

_No. You live with a bunch of superhero's girlfriends._

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

"- and then Logan threw up!" Tony finished, slamming his fist down on the table. "Man, I have never seen _anyone _get that airsick before! He got all green - kinda like how Bruce looked before he turned into the Hulk - and then he just leaned over and '_bleeegh_'ed all over Natasha!"

"I fail to see what's funny about this," Natasha growled, folding her arms over her chest. She'd been forced to change out of her suit and into one of Carter's t-shirts. Not that she didn't like the shirt, she just usually wore tight and leather. That was sort of her 'comfort zone'.

Thor chuckled and waved his slice of pizza at her. "It was amusing because you were angry and Logan vomited!"

Good _God_. She was surrounded by idiots. Natasha went from face-palming to rubbing her temples methodically in a failing attempt to get rid of the migraine that was coming on.

Thankfully, Pepper changed the subject. Good. The rumbling noise Logan was making in the seat next to her was starting to freak Natasha out a bit. "So, that's it? Doom just let you go?"

"No," Carter replied. "He dropped kicked our butts out the door via ugly metal minions." She frowned. "I don't like it. I think he's up to something."

"I agree. He seemed pretty eager to get us out of there." Steve crossed his arms and started out at them solemnly.

Tony just rolled his eyes, and around a mouthful of pepperoni pizza said, "Oh, come on, guys. Re_lax_. You want my opinion? I think that machine of his doesn't actually work. Well, doesn't work_ anymore_. Did you see how all the cords were disconnected and burnt out?"

"No," Clint said bluntly.

"Then you should really stop wearing those purple sunglasses of yours inside, because it was kind of hard to miss. Not only do they make you look like a douch - " Tony glanced at little Roan, who was looking up at him with expecting wide eyes " - like a dummy, but apparently they're affecting your vision. Anyways, you could tell from that _and _the scorch marks on the machine that it malfunctioned recently."

Thor chewed thoughtfully. "Friend Stark, you are like the mortal man who wears the blue scarf and jumps off of buildings." The god turned to his girlfriend, a nervous scientist that was clearly uncomfortable here, and ask, "Jane, what is that man's name?"

"Sherlock Holmes?"

"Aye, Sherlock Holmes!" Thor smiled triumphantly, and Natasha rolled her eyes. It wasn't like _he _had figured it out. There was no need to get excited. "The one with the army of fangirls who believe in him!"

From across the table, Bruce did what Natasha was considering doing; he face-palmed.

"Fair point," Carter agreed, looking at Tony, "but Doom was stroking that thing like he was in love with it. I wouldn't have been surprised if pulled a Gollum and went all 'My _precious_' on us. Why would he be so excited if the thing didn't work?"

"Exactly." Natasha turned to face the resident inventor. "Would you sit there petting JARVIS is he was a complete failure?"

Tony scoffed. "OK, first of all, JARVIS is an AI, so there's for me to actually touch. Second, there's no way JARVIS would ever fail. I mean, _I _made him. Thirdly... yeah, good point." He slumped back in his chair and rubbed his face. "God, I hate this Doom guy. One minute he's crashing our plane, the next he's offering us drinks, then he shows us an invention with unlimited power, after that he starts talking about being the Mother Teresa of Latvertia, and the he kicks us out because he has an 'appointment'. What's next? Sending us a fruit basket to thank us for our time?"

"I actually wouldn't mind that," the intern with the glasses, who's name Natasha couldn't remember, said. "He's a rich guy, right? You think he'd spring for the ones shaped like flowers and dipped in chocolate?"

No one paid her any attention.

There was a beeping noise, and all head's turned to Tony. He raised his eyebrows. "What? A phone goes and all of you assume it's me?"

"Yes," Loki replied smoothly, speaking for the first time tonight. "Now. Are you going to answer it?"

"No, as a matter of fact, I'm not. Because it was a text. Learn you Midgardian phone noises, _jeesh_." Tony pulled up at text after sticking his tongue out at the god of mischief. "Oh, crap. I forgot I was out for drinks with Bruce tonight."

Bruce started choking on his pizza. "What?" he asked, eyes big. _Poor guy_, Natasha thought. _He's probably never been to a bar in his life_.

"Not you, Bruce Wayne." Tony stood and slipped on his jacket. "I went golfing with him last week, and we made plans to meet up later. I just forgot it was tonight." He leaned down to place a quick kiss on Pepper's lips. "See you guys later."

As soon as he left, Steve folded his arms over his chest and huffed. "I still don't think we should trust Doom."

"You shouldn't," Pepper informed him icily. When all eyes turned her way, she went to elaborate. "He used to run a company that, among other things, studied diseases. Stark Industries made a deal with his company to work together to help develop new biological warfare weapons. We put millions of dollars into the project." The look on Pepper's face darkened. "He stiffed us, saying that he'd gotten a better offer. There was nothing we could do about."

"I'll go talk to the Fantastic Four, then," Steve announced, standing and pushing in his chair. "They should know about what we saw. And I'll ask them to continue keeping an eye on Doom." He smiled awkwardly. "Sorry to leave in the middle of dinner. I know that's really rude of me..."

Natasha rolled her eyes. "Not really, boy scout. All of us are done." She stood. "I'll come with you."

"Thanks, Natasha." Steve waved at the rest of them. "We'll be back later."


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter Eighteen**

"The _entire _Russian ballet?" Tony asked, spewing his drink just a little bit. Damn. This guy was _impressive_.

Wayne smirked and took a causal sip. "Yep. All of them. For a whole weekend. Let me tell you, my friend, ballet dancer? Amazingly flexible. _Russian _ballet dancers? There aren't words."

Tony groaned. He slumped down on his bar stool, shaking his head. "Please don't do this to me. There's a Russian on our team who used to be a ballet dancer..."

"Really now?" Wayne perked up a bit. "Another round for me and Stark here," he told the bartender. Then, he turned back to Tony. "So. Tell me about this Russian beauty of yours."

"She's the world's top assassin who doesn't respond well to other people's advances." As soon as the words left his mouth, Tony thought about to see if it was true.

He'd flirted with her, and in turn she'd stabbed him in the neck with that stuff that would either cure him of kill him immediately. Happy had done his own version of flirting, and she'd knocked him to the floor in mere seconds. Johnny Storm got karate flipped. Clint got hit by a lot of his own arrows. Countless unsuspecting SHIELD interns would sometimes get thrown through Tony's office wall...

Yup. Natasha liked making the first move, not the other way around.

"Basically," Tony added once he'd finished his metal list, "if you try anything, you get a knife in your back. Or front, depending on whatever angle works best for her."

"Shame, really." Wayne sighed. Just as he was about to say something, Tony's phone went off. Again. Oh, come _on_. Tony was starting to enjoy himself!

He smiled apologetically at his billionaire buddy. "I gotta take this. It might be my wife."

"You got married?" Wayne's dark eyebrows rose. Then, a grin formed. "Oh, yeah, I forgot about that! Congratulations!"

"Thanks. We're expecting, too."

"That was... fast."

"I work quickly." Tony flipped open the phone, bringing to his hear. "Hello?"

_"Hey, To-"_

"Nope, not my wife," Tony said as soon as he heard Carter's voice on the other end of the phone. He shook his head and glared at the screen. "That means I can ignore it... whatcha doin'?"

Wayne was on his feet and slipping his leather jacket over his shoulders. "I just got a message from Alfred. Apparently, I can't leave my company alone for five minutes without it completely melting down. Sorry Tony, but I have to go. We'll finish this later, OK? My people will call your people." Wayne clapped Tony on the back, then headed out the door.

Tony just sat there and watched. God, life was so unfair. He'd finally met a guy as rich and smart as he was, but not a total and complete bore. They had so much in common, and Tony had a great time whenever they were together. He let out a long, deep sigh.

The phone started ringing again. "Go for Tony."

_"You hung up on me."_

Tony glared at the phone, like Carter would be able to see it. She just didn't get it. "I was in the middle of a bromance!" he snapped. "But Bruce had to go..."

_"I wish you knew how heartbroken you sound right now. It's really pathetic." _Carter chuckled. _"Anyways, you gotta met me down at Eighth Street - there's been a bank robbery, and we're the ones on duty tonight."_

Tony could vaguely remember a color-coded chart Pepper had made for them, detailing who would deal with what disaster and when. Still, _this _seemed a little weird to him. "A bank robbery? Shouldn't the cops handle that?"

_"Oh, they did. And things were going great." _There was a rustling sound on the other end of the line. _"Until the robber picked up their squad car and threw it at my head."_

"Wait, what? Are telling me there's a super-villain robbing a bank? Are you sure?"

Carter growled. _"_No_, there's some angry chick who tosses vehicles like softballs and runs around wearing a colorful unitard. _Yes_, there's a super-villain trying to rob a bank. Now, suit-up and get your metal butt down here!"_

"Alright, alright, no need to go all Coulson on me." Tony stooped down to pick up his briefcase. "I'll be there in a flash."

_"Hurry."_

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

Carter had fought a lot of fights in her time: wrestling over the remote with Lily when they were little, accidentally starting bar fights with drunk Canadians while on the run, battling tanks and trained U.S. soldiers when they tried to capture her, kicking Jovian butt, tackling a mythical giant wolf, and, most recently, getting into a three-way showdown with Thor and Clint when it came to who got the last Dreamsicle. But never had she fought someone as arrogant as this ginger. And that was saying something, considering all the training exercises she's done with _Tony. _

"Missed me again!" Carter shouted gleefully as mailbox went sailing over her head. She crossed her arms and smirked at the super-villain. "You know, you should really work on your aim. I for one _never _miss."

To prove her point, Carter opened her palm and formed a glowing green disk. Grinning wildly, she stepped forward, throwing it like a frisbee. The force-field speed across the street and skimmed across the other woman's cheek.

The villain reached up in astonishment to wipe the blood away from the newly formed thin cut. "Why you little - "

She was cut off mid-threat as Iron Man came dropping in, feet first, and knocked her to the ground. Tony hit the ground running, tripping slightly over the ginger's face-down head. He walked over to where Carter was.

"Wasn't so hard," he said cockily. "I don't really see why you needed my - "

"Get down!" Carter yelled as spread her hands out in front of her. Just as her shield reached full-strength, a Hummer crashed into it, going up in a ball of flame.

When the smoke cleared, Carter glanced down at Tony, who was cowering by her feet with his hands over his head in the 'Holy crap, a tornado! Better protect my neck!' position. "Do you honestly think I didn't _try _knocking her out earlier?"

"Stupid Avengers!" The woman laughed. She reached up and casually adjusted her purple mask. "You can never beat me! I am the strongest person alive! I am unbeatable! I am _invincible_! I am Titania!"

"You're the queen of the fairies?" Carter asked, raising an eyebrow.

Titania's face grew red. "I - _no_," she stuttered. "I'm a super-villain! You can't beat me!"

"Uh, _yeah_," Tony said as he stood. "We beg to differ." He held out his arm, pulsar warming up ominously.

Carter lashed out and grabbed his arm before he could fire. "Let me distract her," she muttered out of the corner of her mouth. "Go find a net or something. We'll capture her and take her to SHIELD."

"You really think that'll work?" he replied quietly. When she nodded, Tony bent down and blasted off.

That made Titania really happy. The villain let out a cackle, yes, a genuine cackle, and beamed at Carter. "Oh, you think you can take me all by yourself, little girl?"

"Pretty much," Carter replied, ignoring the height comment. Carter considered herself fairly tall, as only Steve, Thor, and Logan towered over her. But this Titania? She would probably dwarf even the crown prince of Asgard, and outweigh him too. The chick was built like a wrestler.

An angry wrestler at that. Titania scoffed and looked down at Carter. "I know your type. I've dealt with girls like you my whole life. You think you're better than me because you're pretty?"

"Um, I never said that - "

"Well, you're not!" Titania grabbed a motorcycle with one hand, lifting it high above her head. "It's the popular people like you that made me what I am today! I used to the scrawny one who got her face rubbed in the dirt, but no more! I am _better _than you, do you hear me? Better!" With that, she hurled the motorcycle forward.

It collied mid-air with the green disc Carter had thrown, and the two object went spinning off course, crashing into a random building nearby. "Someone's feeling angsty and hormonal today. You have issues, don't you? Have you considered concealing? Or therapy, perhaps?"

Apparently, being unpopular in school still _was _a sensitive issue for Titania, because she let out a roar that would have given the Hulk a run for his money and charged forward. Almost immediately, Carter saw a slight flaw with this plan. But it didn't really hit her until, well, it _hit _her.

Titania slammed Carter up against the bank wall, hands wrapping around her neck. She gasped and arched her back, trying to keep the behemoth of a woman from either a) completely crushing her neck or b) sending them both through the wall. Adrenaline pumped through Carter's veins, and as her heart-rate increased, she felt herself getting stronger.

Good, because she was beginning to have a tough time breathing.

"Who's going to win now?" Titania hissed in Carter's ear.

Black spots danced in front of her eyes, but Carter managed a grin. "Still me," she croaked.

Carter brunched her legs up to her chest, then kicked out like a mule. Titania's eyes grew comically wide and round as she flew backwards. Without all that extra weight on top of her, Carter slumped down against the wall, couching and trying to get some goddamn _air_.

The sound of crunching metal and a car alarm told the force-field user that her opponent had just done a little more damage to someone's private property. Oh, wait, she's crashed into a cab. Public property, then.

Carter actually burst out laughing when Titania pulled herself from the wreckage. With her matted red hair dirtied and sticking up in all directions, she looked pretty darn deranged. The crazed wince/snarl she had plastered on her face didn't help.

"NANANANANANA - _IRON MAN_!"

Both women looked up to see Iron Man swoop in, brandishing a huge net. He twirled it over his head like a lasso, and Carter face-palmed at the mental image of Tony grinning underneath that metal mask like a loon while he did it. With a whoop, Tony released the net.

Titania shrieked and fell to the ground, tangled up in the rope. She thrashed out, but it was useless. The villain was trapped.

"Damn, man," Carter said as she sauntered over to Titania. Tony landed next to his prey. "I didn't think you'd _actually _find a net."

"It's not just a net - it's a _bat-_net! The Iron Man mask retracted and revealed Tony's face, which, as Carter had suspected, had a loony grin plastered there. "You would _not _believe what happened! Oh my God, Carter, it was amazing! I'm, like, fangirling here!"

"What are you on about?"

"Batman! Batman gave me the net! I was flying along, and then I saw this guy standing on a roof and I thought, 'Oh, a jumper, better go save his life', but it wasn't a jumper! It was the goddamn Batman! And he gave me the net!" Tony grabbed Carter by the shoulders, picked her up, and twirled her around. "I met Batman! _Batman_! OK, I can just _die_ now. My life is officially complete. Take me now, God! I've done everything I've wanted to do!"

Carter raised an eyebrow. "You found Batman. On a rooftop. In New York. Doesn't he live in Gotham?"

Tony's face fell. Then, his eyes lit up and he lifted Carter off the ground again. "Oh my God, you're right! _Batman _lives in Gotham! Do you know what this means?"

"That Batman lives in Gotham?"

"No! Well, yes, _comic-book _Batman lives in Gotham. But _real-life _Batman is here, in New York! And he's _real_!" He started laughing again. "Carter, someone in New York city is Batman!" Tony's eyes grew wide, like he'd just had an epiphany. "Coulson. Coulson is Batman. Carter, _Coulson is Batman_. He _has _to be Batman! Have you seen the gas station footage? Do you know the one person who could do that? Batman. Agent Phil Coulson is secretly Batman."

"OK, first, let me down," Carter commanded. Once she was safely on the ground again, she shook her head in Tony's general direction. "Second, you're insane. Coulson is not Batman. He may be related to Chuck Norris, but he's not Batman. Besides, we've got something more important to deal with." She pointed at the contorted form of Titania. "_That_."

Tony cocked his head to the side as he looked down at his catch. Titania snapped at him when he nudged her with the toe if his boot. "SHIELD's already on their way to pick her up. They'll take her to secure prison - designed for the Hulk, so don't get any ideas, 'strongest person alive'. Fury says he'll take her from there."

"Ha!" Carter laughed down at Titania, who glared at her in response. "You're screwed!"

"That's what you think," the villain snarled. "I'm only the beginning. There are more coming, more than you can even imagine. We will destroy you, you and the rest of you're Avengers. You think you've defeated me?"

Tony nodded. "Yeah, I think we have."

"Well, you've got another thing coming. Forces beyond your comprehension are teaming up to fight a common enemy - _you_. Next time, you won'e be so luc - "

Titania had a mini-seizure, then went completely still. Carter and Tony looked up in horror, only to find Coulson standing over their prisoner, taser in hand.

"She was starting to annoy me," he explained in a monotone.

Tony gestured desperately at the SHIELD agent with both hands. "I'm telling you. _Batman_."


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter Nineteen**

If Phil Coulson was one to show his anger and irritation, he would have flipped a table by now.

These past two weeks had been extremely stressful - even more so than the week leading up to assembling the Avengers. Compared to this, that had been a piece of cake. Sure, there'd been a ton of paperwork, almost getting killed by the Destroyer, dealing with General Ross and Blonsky, being in a close proximity to Stark (he was _still _hanging around Stark too much for his liking, but that was beside the point), and, on top of everything else, he'd been in charge of getting everyone's coffee that week.

All of that was still easier than this.

Coulson crossed his arms and stared through the one-way mirror at Titania. Even though she wasn't supposed to be able to see him, she glared right back with surprising accuracy, her eyes locking in on a spot just above his eyebrows. Her mouth opened wide, and she began shaking back and forth; if Coulson didn't know that she was doing a maniacal laugh, he would have assumed that this was a scene out of _The_ _Exorcism. _Of course she was laughing. Coulson let out a huff. All she'd done since they'd brought her in a week ago was _laugh_.

Trying to interrogate her? Laughed. Offering her food? Laughed. Sedating her? Laughed until she passed out. She had yet to break and tell them what they needed to know, and Coulson didn't see her cracking (not in the sense of going crazy; he was pretty sure that had already happened) any time soon.

And, of course, Fury had put all of this on him. It was _his _job to take care of the prisoner, _his _job to get her to talk. He was pretty much doomed if that didn't happen.

Which was why he'd started job hunting the other day.

But that was just the _work_ related portion of the stress. Oh, no, it wasn't enough that his job was on the line. That would be too _simple_. No, things just had to get worse. Or to be more specific, _Stark _had to make things work.

Somehow, Stark had gotten it into his head that Coulson was secretly Batman. Where he got that, the SHIELD agent would never know, but it was starting to get on his nerves. Stark had somehow managed to break into his house and replace every article of clothing with something black (except for his underwear, which now bore the bat-symbol), replaced his paperweights to little bat-throwing stars, and had stolen his black leather belt and give him a bright yellow one instead.

Thank God that Coulson kept a stash of SHIELD worthy clothes at the office. Now he looked more like a Man in Black than a Dark Knight.

Of course, that was only a minor factor in his stressful week. There was more. There was _always _more.

Somehow, he'd gotten roped in to helping plan Banner and McIntyre's wedding. How, he wasn't sure. All he knew was that he to finish addressing all these invitations, and have them mailed out by the end of the day.

It was a good thing that both Banner and McIntyre didn't really like people all that much.

That wasn't _all _he had to do, though. After mailing out the invites, he had to go and pick up everyone's tuxes, then be at Avengers Mansion by seven so that he could chaperone the bachelor party (by request of Fury, who didn't want Stark doing anything stupid, and Pepper, who didn't want Stark doing anything stupid). Apparently, Stark had somehow wormed his way into the best-man position (Coulson guessed that it had something to do with the fact that he was _paying _for the wedding) and _he _was the one who had planned the evening. Coulson winced just thinking about what was probably in store.

A raise. He needed a raise. If he survived the night, he would ask Fury for one.

If only the odds of making it were in his favor...

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

Bruce was doing his best to stare at the ground and avoid making as little eye-contact as possible. His heart pounded nervously, mixing in with the heavy bass that was emitting from the loud speakers. What he wanted to do was to go stand in the corner with Coulson, but of course, Tony would have none of that. He was at a strip club, by God, and he was going to _like _it.

Next to him, Clint was getting a lap dance... and making some noises that Bruce could have gone his whole life without hearing. Thor was asking the stripper nearest him why all of the workers wore 'such minimal amounts of clothing' because 'surely, it must get chilly during the nighttime'.

Poor Steve had gotten the worst of it, though. As soon as Tony had found out that Captain America, the great symbol of our nation, was a _virgin_, he had seen fit to change that. Three scantily dressed women had dragged Steve off to a private room about a half and hour ago.

No one had heard from the captain since. He was gone, MIA.

And Bruce got the feeling that he was next...

His heart nearly stopped when he heard Tony's voice ring out. "Uh, excuse me? Can I... can get your attention, please?" Oh, Jesus. Tony was really, _really _drunk. And onstage, hanging onto the pole a girl had been winding around just a minute ago. "Hey, everyone! Look up here, I'm trying to make an announcement!"

The club went deadly silent and all the strobe lights moved to focus on Tony, who held his hand up to protect his eyes. "Yeah, that's good. Thank you." He cleared his throat. "Now... I understand that most of you came here to have a really, really, _really _good time. Well, I came here to make sure that a very good friend of mine had a really, really, really _excellent _time."

Bruce slunk down in his chair, trying to be inconspicuous. Oh, God, no. No, no, no, no -

"But so far," Tony continued as he lurched forward dangerously, "poor little Bruce Banner, who is condemned to be married by the end of the week, hasn't had _any _fun yet. At all. And we're at strip club. This should tell you something, people. So, whether he likes it or not, I've have a little something arranged." He grinned wickedly. "Thor, bring the man of the hour up here!"

The club burst into drunk cheers and applause, delighted at the prospect of seeing what was probably considered 'live porn'. Bruce jumped to his feet, looking around desperately for an escape route. There! A back door that most likely lead into a dark, creepy, deserted alley. Perfect!

But just as he started to make a run for it, two huge, muscular arms wrapped around his chest. Suddenly, he was three feet in the air, kicking out in a useless attempt to break free. "Thor! Thor, let me down! Please! I'll buy you a year's supply of Poptarts!"

"My utmost apologies, Friend Banner, but the Son of Howard has already promised me _two _years supply of Poptarts, should I do as he asks." Thor let out a rumbling chuckle as he carried Bruce over to the stage. "Relax and enjoy yourself, my friend." With that he plopped Bruce down in a wooden chair.

Almost immediately, he was surrounded by a bunch of women wearing nothing put underwear. One of them, a trashy blonde with huge hair, produced a neon pink bra from seemingly nowhere. She straddled Bruce, unclipping the bra as she did. Bruce leaned away as best he could, but she still managed to get her arms around him and re-clip the bra once it was behind the chair, strapping him in with no chance of escape.

And then the music changed, and "I'm Too Sexy" started blaring out over the loud speakers. Bruce's face grew red, his palms got sweaty, and his heart-rate took off again. Why him? _Whhhhhhhhy_?

He struggled against the elastic bonds of the bra, grabbing desperately at his pocket. If he could just get his phone... Yes! Bruce's fingers closed around the sleek, life-saving object. Now he could text for help!

Bruce let out a yelp when two of the girls grabbed the waist of his pants and began to wriggle the down to his knees. As soon as he was sitting there in nothing but his boxers, the blonde woman sat back down on his lap, running her hands up underneath his shirt and nibbling at his ear. A pair of hands came down from behind and began to slowly unbutton the shirt he was wearing. Bruce desperately pounded out a text.

_Save me!_

Squeezing his eyes shut, he prayed it would be over soon. Just one song, right? Just one song, and he'd be aloud to go back to his spot. Or, you know, crawl into a whole and die. Someone reached in and grabbed his ass, causing him to squeak and go even redder than he had been just a minute before.

This is what gang rape must feel like.

His eyes snapped open when he felt the phone vibrate in his hand, and he strained his neck to see the reply over someone's breasts, which were pretty much entirely in his face.

Carter's reply was not helpful.

**_Save you? Save me. I'm DRESS SHOPPING._**

_I'm being attacked by strippers! _he thumbed, trying to keep from hyperventilating as another climbed on top of him. What was he, a jungle-gym? The phone went off again. He gaped at his _fiancé's _response.

**_AHAAHAHAHAHA! Have Tony send me pics!_**

Bruce paused before texting back as sarcastically as he could, _Gee, thanks, honey._

**_:D_**

Thankfully, the song came to a stop, and one by one, the strippers peeled themselves off of him. He let out a deep breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. Thank God it was over. Bruce was so relieved he could cry.

Of course, his relief was short lived. Tony pranced up on stage, wielding his Stark phone like it was a trophy. "What a show, ladies and gentlemen, what a show! I think it's pretty clear the Dr. Banner enjoyed himself, don't you agree?"

"I hate you," Bruce told him.

"Your missing pants and ripped shirt say otherwise, my friend," Tony laughed. Then he held up his phone and grinned. "Smile for the camera!"

"_Tony_ - "

The little clicking noise told Bruce that it was already too late. The picture had been taken, and would probably be up on Internet by tomorrow morning for all to see. If it wasn't... well, then Tony would have a great piece of black-mail to hold over his head.

God, Bruce missed the Canadian wilderness sometimes.


	20. Chapter 20

**AN: This chapter (and some of the following ones) features a character created by the lovely Why so Sirius1236. I took a bit of creative liberty with Veronica Parker, and if you want to see more of her, please read "Chased by Destiny" and its sequels. Seriously, those are great stories!**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty **

Carter let out a snort when she read the next text from Bruce.

**_I'm being attacked by strippers! _**

She could just picture the look on his face. No doubt Tony had come up with very public, very awkward way to torment him. As much as she loved Bruce, he was just such a dork sometimes. It was really adorable.

_AHAAHAHAHAHA! Have Tony send me pics! _she replied back, giggling slightly.

Suddenly, she felt Natasha's eye on her. Carter glanced up to see that red-headed Russian raising an eyebrow unbelievably high to show how crazy she thought Carter was being at the moment.

Carter just handed her the phone. "I have to get my entertainment from somewhere."

A slight smirk crossed Natasha's face as she read the exchange. When the phone lit up and buzzed, it turned into a fully fledged grin. She laughed lightly and handed back the phone.

"Oh, Bruce," Carter said, shaking her head. "Try to be sarcastic all you want, but..." Instead of coming up with something clever, she just texted him a grinning smiley face. Then, she pocketed the phone and looked back to Natasha. "How much longer do you think we'll be stuck here?"

Natasha rolled her eyes, reaching for a glass of complementary champagne. "I have no idea. But I hope this is over soon."

"I thought you secretly _liked _playing dress-up," Carter challenged. "You _were_ a ballerina, after all."

"Just because I was a ballerina doesn't mean I enjoy watching a bunch of other women try on twelve different dresses in twelve subtly different shades of purple."

Carter's eyes grew wide. "Wait, those were different color purples?" When Natasha nodded, the bride-to-be put her head in her hands. "Oh my God, I can't take this anymore. Here, give me that alcohol."

Just as Carter brought the glass to her lips, ready to chug, she heard a set of giggles from over in the corner. She glanced warily over to Pepper, Lily, and Jane, who had their heads together as they discussed fabric options with the man who ran the store, 'Johnny Fabulous'.

And as far as Carter could tell, he was completely serious about his name and his desire to 'rid the world of horribly fugly wedding gowns and bridesmaids dresses'. After introducing himself and telling them his life goal, he proceeded to tell Carter that she could be a beautiful bride - as long as she did something with her hair.

That had offended Carter. Greatly. She'd actually remembered to _brush_ her this morning. Do you have any idea how often that _didn't _happen? Carter took a long sip of the champagne.

"At least they're having fun," she muttered. "It's my bachelorette party, but, you know, as long as the majority of the bridesmaids are happy..."

Natasha stood and stretched out. "Let's leave. We could be having way more fun than this. We're trained SHIELD agents; I'm sure there's _something _more interesting we could be doing. I haven't killed anyone in a while..."

"If I ignore that last comment, you have an _excellent _point." Carter rose. "We're in New York City - there's tons of crime here. Let's go play Batman."

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

It was no strip club, but Logan thought that the little bar he'd found in a the run-down, 'bad' part of town was probably a better place to spend the night out.

He was no fool; he knewthat Stark hadn't_ wanted_ to invite him to the party. It was obvious, given the relieved look in his eyes when Logan had turned him down. The mutant suspected that Steve (and maybe even Banner) had had a hand in his attempted inclusion.

But only because Steve felt guilty. About what, Logan didn't know, but he knew guilt when he smelt it. And Steve reeked of guilt. The captain probably didn't care one way or another if he went to the party.

Logan ground the end of his cigar into the bar, watching as it smoldered and formed a nice, round black circle into the wood. A grin crossed his face as the smell of burning wood reached his nose; he didn't know why, but that primal sort of smell always made him feel more... at home.

"What do you think you're doing?" an angry female voice asked.

Looking up warily, he saw the bartender (bartendess?) glaring at him. With her reddish-brown hair pulled back severely, and her clear blue eyes outlined in black like that, she was actually fairly intimidating. Adding in the scar on her neck that looked like an elaborate tree didn't help to make her more approachable.

Or she_ would_ have been intimating if he hadn't been, well, _Logan_. Logan just didn't get scared that easily.

"Uh," he said in his most blatantly obvious voice, "_drinking_." He lifted up his beer and waved it around to prove his point. Taking a nice long long gulp, he smirked at her.

She let out an annoyed sigh. "Thank you, Captain Obvious, but I was talking about the little scorch mark you just put into the bar. You do know that as the person on duty, _I _get in trouble for that, don't you?"

"No, no I didn't know that," he replied shamelessly. "No one's ever had a problem with it before."

"I doubt anyone knew that it was coming out of their paycheck before." She came over and plucked the cigar out of hand. "I'll be taking that."

Logan grit his teeth together, trying to keep his temper under control. Seriously? Girl thinks she can just take his cigar? He huffed and took another gulp of beer. If he didn't get drunk soon, he was in for a long, long night. When he went back for more alcohol, he found that the bottle was empty.

Logan wasn't particularly fond of the idea of calling the bartender back here, but he liked beer more than disliked her. He waved the bottle in the air again. "I'll take another."

The girl reached down below the bar and produced another. She went to hand it to him, but pulled back and held it to her chest at the last second. Logan let out a little growl when she narrowed her eyes calculatingly at him. "Should I be concerned that this is your fifth in the past half-hour?"

"You don't have to worry about me getting drunk and disorderly," he assured her angrily, "but you should worry about how I'll react if I don't get that beer."

"Are you threatening me?" she asked, placing one hand on her hip. "It may not seem like it, but I am _not _someone you want to threaten."

He snorted. "Yeah, well, neither am I."

Just as the girl opened her mouth to respond, the door to the bar flew open, hitting the side of the wall with a deafening bang. Three men in black ski masks rushed in with their guns held high in the air, shooting randomly at the ceiling to scare people. It worked; all of the patrons hit the ground screaming.

"Everybody _down_. This is a stickup! Give us all your money," one of them shouted. "Wallets, credit cards, jewelry! Get it all out!"

Logan just rolled his eyes and got to his feet. What _amateurs_. Really, black ski masks? And who robbed a _bar_? Yes, drunk people were easy targets, but most bums like the people in here didn't have all that much money.

When their leader (the one calling out orders) noticed Logan rising to challenge them, he whipped his gun around and trained it on the mutant. "I said _get down_! I'll shoot! I will!" His eyes were wide, and his hand trembled.

"No, you won't," Logan said matter-of-factly. "You're not gonna shoot me." He took another step forward. "Put the gun down kid."

"No!"

"Put it dow - "

The gun went off, and Logan felt a burning sensation in his chest, right were his heart was. He stumbled back, grasping at the bar counter to hold himself up. Just as quickly as the pain came, it began to cool, and soon, there was no heat at all.

The robber's eyes grew wide, and he dropped the gun. Logan straightened up, grinning and rolling his shoulders back. "Shouldn'ta done that, kid. I _told _you to drop the gun." With the familiar pain and sound of metal on metal, Logan's claws grew out.

But as he started at the first robber, something weird happened. Weird even by his, the amnesic Canadian mutant's, standards.

A bolt of lightning arced past his ear, hitting the robber directly in the chest. The guy went down twitching, like Coulson or that taser-happy scientist's assistant had gotten to him. Logan spun around, half-expecting to see Thor and that hammer of his.

Instead, he saw the bartender, her hands out in front of her and a slightly panicked look on her face. "Told you not to threaten me," she said meekly. Logan felt his jaw draw when he noticed little sparks of electricity jumping back and forth between her fingers. "Behind you!" she shouted suddenly.

Without thinking, Logan spun and brought his foot up, lashing out at the man making a run at him. A sickening crunching sound was made when his foot connected with the other guys chest, and the robber went crashing back into one of the tables.

The third guy jumped Logan from behind, wrapping his arms around the mutant's neck. Logan gasped for air as he started to feel his throat close up. In a desperate attempt to shake the man, he ran backwards, slamming them both into the bar counter. While the robber let out an 'oof', he didn't let go.

Blue light lit up the bar again, and Logan could hear lightning begin to crackle and smell the air begin to burn. Suddenly, the robber crumpled to the ground, letting Logan breath once again. The mutant wasn't an idiot - he knew what had happened. Sort of.

"How'd you _do _that?" he asked the bartender gruffly as he turned to face her.

She looked warily at his claws, as if deciding wether or not to reveal her secret. Finally, she tugged at the collar of her shirt, revealing more of that weird scar. "You see this?"

"Yeah - "

The doors to the bar burst open again.

"Did we make it in tim - oh, come on! Couldn't have saved at least one of them for us?"

Logan stared incredulously at Carter, who was glaring at him with her arms over her chest. Wasn't she supposed to be dress shopping? She didn't look liked she'd been dress shopping; her hair was tangled and matted, her face covered in grime and sweat. And was that blood? Yes, she was definitely bleeding from a new wound on the side of her stomach. "Carter? What are you doing here?"

Natasha strolled in right behind the other woman. Just like Carter had, she frowned when she saw the mess. "Well this was a waste of time."

"What are you _doing _here?" Logan repeated. "Aren't you supposed to be doing something girly for your bachelorette party or whatever?"

"Well, _yes_, technically," Carter answered. "But we got bored and let the others do that. We've sort of been running around, stopping crime and all for the past couple of hours."

Natasha grinned wickedly and nodded. "My favorite part of the night was stopping that gang fight down in Brooklyn."

"Hell yeah!" Carter offered Natasha a high-five, and the Russian just stared at it. "What, you're gonna leave me hanging on the night of my bachelorette party? That's cold."

With a roll of her eyes, Natasha gave Carter a half-hearted high-five.

"Um, yeah." The three Avengers turned to face the bartender who'd spoken. She narrowed her eyes at them. "Who are you people?"

"We're, for the most part, the better half of the Avengers," Carter said at the same time as Logan growled, "I could ask you the same thing."

The bartender ignored Carter and focused on Logan. "I'm Veronica Parker."

"And I'm Logan Howlett, but that doesn't explain how I have claws - " he waved them around in the air for affect " - or how you can zap people with lightning."

"She can _what_?" Natasha asked in dangerously low voice. "Why doesn't SHIELD know about this already? We know about all super-humans, and we're keeping tabs on most of them."

Carter put a hand on the agent's shaking shoulder. "That's really creepy, Natasha. But calm down. I kind of want to hear this story."

The bartender didn't really seem to like the idea of explaining her powers to three people who worked for the section of the government that basically stalked people, but she nodded stiffly anyways. "You see this scar?" she asked, tugging her shirt back again.

"That's a lighting scar," Natasha said quietly. "I've seen one before. You were stuck by lightning?"

"Yeah, a couple of months ago in Puente Antiguo. I there to cover a story about some disturbances in the atmosphere. I used to be a journalist for the newspaper in Chicago," she explained. "When my editor heard that the Northern Lights were showing up in _New Mexico_, he sent me down to take pictures and find out what was going on.

"I talked to a scientist named... Erik Selvig? Yeah, that sounds right. Anyways, I talked to him, but he assured me that nothing was going on. I knew that was bull. I'd seen part of a storm the night before. So, I took my camera and headed out to the desert, trying to see if I could catch the light show again.

"Well, I did. All of a sudden, this huge tornado thing showed up, fire and lighting coming off it the way cows and houses usually do. I tried to run, but I couldn't get far enough away quickly enough. I got struck by lighting.

"I woke up a few days later in the hospital. I was scared - I had no idea where I was, and what had happened. When some guy came in (looking back on it, it was probably the doctor) and tried to draw blood, I freaked out. Next thing I knew, he was on the ground, twitching and smoldering.

"Ever since I got hit by that lightning, I've been able to shoot electricity at people."

Logan, glanced back at his team to see if they were just as confused as he was. Based on the look Carter was giving Veronica, the force-field user was, but Natasha just nodded thoughtfully. "That makes sense, actually. Puente Antiguo was the town Thor showed up in; if you were struck by lighting, it's more than likely you were struck by _Thor's _lightning. That probably transferred some of his powers to you."

"Thor? The god of thunder?" Veronica asked, blinking. "You mean I was hit with _magic _lightning?"

"Yes." Natasha nodded once, then took a step forward. "I'm going to have to ask you to come in with us."

Veronica held up her hands in defense, the sparks flying. Clearly, that didn't exactly go over well with her. Logan couldn't blame the girl; if he had his way, he wouldn't be at SHIELD.

Carter sighed. "Let it go, Natasha. She doesn't have to come in if she doesn't want to."

"Yes," the agent insisted, "yes, she _does_."

"OK, how about this. You take me to the hospital, because I probably should see a doctor about this," she said, gesturing to the wound in her stomach, which was still bleeding pretty steadily, "and then you come back for Veronica."

Natasha narrowed her eyes. "You said it was just a scratch."

"That's what Mercutio said, and now there's a plague on both their houses."

"If I take you to the hospital first, she won't be here when I get back."

Carter grinned. "Exactly!" She took Natasha by the shoulders and turned her around. "Now! To the hospital!"


	21. Chapter 21

**Chapter Twenty-One**

Steve, the only sober one left in the group, had to give the others credit. Especially Bruce. The scientist was sprinting through the hospital halls in a surprisingly coordinated manner while Tony, Clint, and Thor kept running into doors, stray gurneys, and unsuspecting nurses and doctors.

Less than twenty minutes ago, the boys had gotten a call from Pepper saying that Carter and Natasha had gone missing. About three minutes after that, they'd gotten a call from the hospital, saying that Carter had been stabbed and was currently being treated.

Bruce had freaked out (look at Steve, using his modern day lingo) when he'd heard that. Despite being pretty badly impaired (Tony's doing) he managed to get out of the strip club (a place that would forever make Steve shudder) in one piece, hail a cab, _and _give the driver the correct coordinates. While the others were too drunk to be impressed, Steve was actually very proud of his teammate. The fact that he had been shocked into being sober meant that there was still hope for people.

Steve leapt to the side to avoid a cart Thor had knocked over. "Sorry!" he shouted over his shoulder to the poor nurse who had to pick up the contents. Guilt flooded through him; he should really stop and try to help her pick up some of the contents.

_Snap out of it, solider_, he chided himself, quickening his pace to catch up with the others. _One of your teammates is hurt - and that's your top priority_.

Slowing to a stop, Steve frowned. He'd seen them round the corner, hadn't he? He glanced left and right, searching for any sign that a bunch of drunk and slightly desperate Avengers had come through here.

"Friend Rogers!" a deep voice boomed. Steve whirled around to see Thor gesturing to the door he was standing in. "She is in here. Hurry, we do not have much time to say our goodbyes."

Steve stopped, his insides going cold. "Wha - what?" Carter was dying? No, no this couldn't be happening. She's made it to the hospital; doctors today could fix anything, couldn't they?

"I'm not _dying_,Thor!" Carter shouted irritably from somewhere inside the room.

"Oh, thank God," the captain breathed. She was alive and feeling good enough to be angry with Thor for being stupid. That was a really good of the desperation replaced with relief, Steve walked through the door Thor was holding open for him.

Laying on the bed was Carter, glaring openly at Tony who was clutching Clint and sobbing.

"She's too young to go!" he cried. "Why? _Whhhhhhy_? She's too good, to good! Carter's the best friend I've ever had! You can't take her away from me!" Tony looked up and started shaking his fist at the ceiling. "You know what? You can't have her! I'm keeping her, do you hear me? Keeping her!"

Carter winced. "Bruce, please let go of my hands so I can face-palm."

The scientist, who was kneeling at her side, hand clutching hers, reluctantly nodded. As soon as she was free, Carter just shook her head and sunk into a sunk into a very sad face-palm. "Even though your drunk, I'm amazed by your stupidity."

"She's on her death bed, and she's insulting us," Clint muttered, swiping at tears that had formed in his eyes. "I want to remember her like this forever."

"Natasha, Steve, Logan," Carter pleaded. "You all seem sober. Could you please escort these three idiots out?"

Logan grinned and cracked his knuckles, eyeing Thor. "Gladly."

Just then, the doors burst open again. Lily, Jane, Pepper, and a frantic doctor rushed into the room, all of them speaking at once.

"Oh, my God are you OK?"

"You left! How could you just _leave_?"

"Please, ladies, we have a strict policy about the number of visito - "

"You hurt yourself! Oh, you idiot! I honestly can't take being your sister anymore! Every five minutes, I'm having a heart-attack!"

"To answer your questions." Carter readjusted herself in the bed, sitting up straight. "Yes, I'm fine. I left by way of the door, that's how. I really don't think they care about your policies. And I'm sorry to hear about your heart health, Lily."

Suddenly, Tony let out a wail and ran across the room, taking Pepper into a big bear-hug. "Oh, Pepper, she's dying! Oh, _God_, Pepper, don't ever leave me. I can't keep losing people like this!"

Poor Pepper squeaked and peered out around Tony's head. She looked helplessly at Steve. "I think he's squishing the baby."

Understanding the message, Steve crossed the room and plucked Tony from Pepper. Now, the captain had been expecting for Iron Man to fight back, so he was seriously surprised when Tony latched on to him and began crying into his shirt.

"How drunk are you guys?" Pepper asked incredulously, looking at a sobbing Tony, a trying-to-be-strong Clint, and a completely spaced out Thor with wide eyes.

"Probably very." Bruce groaned and rubbed his head. "My head is already starting to hurt."

"_Get out_!"

They all turned to face the doctor, who was shaking violently after his outburst. His face was bright red and contorted with anger. "Out! All of you! Ms. McIntyre, you are absolutely fine, all stitched up and healing. Please take your friends and vacate the premises. Immediately!"

After exchanging awkward glances, the Avengers and Co. headed out the door. Soon it was just Steve, an attached Tony, and Pepper left in the room with the upset doctor.

Pepper offered him an apologetic smile. "I'm very sorry about my husband's... outburst. He'll be sober in time for our sonogram tomorrow morning."

"You - you're the _Starks_?" His wide-eyes traveled from Pepper to Tony, and then back again. The poor man looked like he was about to have a heart-attack. "Are... are all of you going to be coming in tomorrow?"

"Oh, no! It'll just be Tony and I," Pepper laughed. Steve could tell by the way she was fidgeting that she was very uncomfortable with the situation, but was trying to make the most of it. "Just the two of us. Thank you, and see you in the morning."

The doctor nodded. "Yes. Goodbye, Mrs. Stark."

As Steve dragged Tony out of the room, he tried to smile at the doctor, but he was pretty sure that it came off as more of a grimace. "Nice meeting you, doctor."

The doctor grunted in response.

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

"I really wish you wouldn't wear your sunglasses in here," Pepper hissed.

After a delayed reaction, Tony turned to his wife, squinting in the light. Yeah, you knew things were rough when the light made your head hurt even _with _the sunglasses. Thor and Clint, the lucky bastards, seemed to have gotten off hangover free, but Tony and Bruce felt the pain.

_At least Bruce gets to go be a hermit and hide that cave of a lab, _Tony thought bitterly.

"Did you hear me, Tony?" Pepper looked really, really unhappy for some reason. "I wish you wouldn't wear those sunglasses."

"And I wish you wouldn't talk so loudly," he muttered, taking off the glasses anyways. If there was one thing he'd learned in the past month, it was this; when your _pregnant _wife asks you to do something, no matter how ridiculous the demand, you did it. End of discussion. Pepper wants a foot massage? Tony becomes a masseuse. Pepper wants homemade lasagna? Tony asks Loki (who is a surprisingly good chef) to make it, and then Tony passes it off as his own.

That was just how things _worked_ in a relationship with a pregnant person. Pretty much like how compromises worked in a marriage. If one day, for whatever reason, Pepper wanted a puppy and Tony didn't want a puppy, they would compromise; they would get a puppy. But Tony would have get a say in what to name it. _That _was compromising.

Pepper breathed out a sigh of relief and sat back in the hospital bed. "Thank you."

"You know, you seem stressed," Tony noted, proud that he'd picked up on some of her emotions. "Why?"

"Tony," Pepper's voice trailed off, then she sighed again. "This is... this is really nerve-wracking. Maybe not for you, but for me. We're about to see our baby for the first time. About to hear it's little heartbeat, about to watch it move... It's just... I'm just feeling so many things right now. I _created _this life."

"I'm pretty sure I had something to do with it," the billionaire commented.

Pepper raised her arm to smack him, but before she could deliver the blow, the door opened and her arm dropped, making her seem a completely innocent wife, and _not _someone who was just about to commit domestic violence.

The doctor walked in, gave a completely uncalled far (at least, it was uncalled for in Tony's opinion; he couldn't remember ever having done anything to the guy) glare to Tony, and then walked over to Pepper. "How are you feeling today, Mrs. Stark? Manage catch some sleep after last night's wild events?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I did, Dr. Burns." Pepper gave him a brilliant smile, a smile Tony loved. "Did you?"

The doctor shot Tony another hateful look. Jesus, he'd been in the room four, five seconds with Burns and already he'd been on the receiving end of two evil eyes. _This guy and Fury should really get together and talk about how much they hate me for no real reason over brunch._ "No."

Then, shaking his head, Burns looked back to Pepper. "Alright, Mrs. Stark. Here's what we're going to do. I'm going to do an ultrasound, and put it up on screen for you and your husband to see. Now, would you and your husband _like_ to know the gender of the baby?"

"Yes," Tony replied at the same time Pepper shook her head and said, "No, we want it to be a surprise."

Pepper and Tony exchanged looks. _He _wanted to know. He being left out of the loop; if some random doctor, who hated him, got to know what their baby was, then _he _got to know.

"Well, how about I right it down on a piece of paper, put it in an envelope, and then you can decide later if you want to know, OK?"

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

"How was it, man?" Clint asked, clapping Tony on the shoulder. Maybe it was because he was still really hungover, but the archer's friend seemed... numb. Like he was doing stuff without really realizing what was happening.

Wide-eyed, Tony turned to stare at Clint. His brows contracted, and he cocked his head to the side. "It's really happening, Clint. I saw my kid today. I'm really gonna be a dad. I can't... I just can't wrap my head around it, you know? I can't imagine that I created something that amazing."

Well, to Clint that was just a bunch of sentimental mumbo-jumbo that meant absolutely nothing.  
"Yeah, alright, cool. So, is it a boy? 'Cause Thor and I have have a bet going against Steve, Carter, and Bruce that's it's gonna be a boy."

"Here." Tony reached into his jacket and produced a bright yellow envelope. "Pepper and I aren't looking at it. The baby's gender is written in there."

"You haven't looked yet?" Clint asked, not believing what he was hearing. This was Tony Stark; the man always felt like he had to know everything.

Tony's shoulders slumped. "No," he said, all depressed. "I promised Pepper I wouldn't look."

"Well." Clint paused, then snatch the envelope from Tony's hands and grinned. "We didn't promise Pepper anything! Hey, _guys_! Come down here and get ready to pay up!"

Like he'd blown a dog whistle, the Avengers came bounding in from their various places; Steve from the gym, Carter and Thor from the TV room, and Bruce from his lab. Really, Clint had no idea how'd they managed to hear him.

"Oh, Jesus," Tony muttered, turning his back and covering his eyes. "I can't do this..."

Clint just smirked triumphantly at Tony, and then at the group of people surrounding him. As dramatically as he could, he slid his thumb underneath the seal.

"And the Oscar goes to..."

He pulled out the little sheet of paper that had been stuck inside the envelope.

None of them moved while they read what had been written.

Carter was the first to react, grinning evilly. "_Boy_," she shouted, turning to face Tony. The billionaire whirled around, eyes wide, chock on air. "This paper sure is a pretty color yellow," Carter finished, the grin growing wider. She turned back to the huddle when she was done.

Oh, Clint saw what she was doing. And by God, he was going to be a part of it.

_"Guuuurrl_," he said in his best ghetto chick voice. When Tony paled again, he add, "you must be so 'xcited 'bout that new Stark phone comin' out." To add to the act, he snapped his fingers in a 'z' formation before facing away from Tony again.

To everyone's surprise, it was Bruce who joined in next. "_Twins_... was the feel-good movie of 1988."

Of course, Thor went and killed it.

"_Bisexual_," the god chuckled_, _"is a fun word to say."

There was a pause before Bruce shook his head. "Thor, that word doesn't mean what you think it means."

"Of course it does! It means that you are both a man and a woman! My brother Loki can be bisexual!" He rolled his eyes at the scientist. "I believe I know exactly what I am talking about."

Bruce got this really pained look on his face (the look he got whenever he had to deal with really stupid people) and opened his mouth, but Tony cut him off with an anguished cry.

"_God_! I can't _take it _anymore! Give me that freaking piece of paper, Barton!" Tony lunged forward and tugged it out of Clint's hands, a completely deranged look on his face.

Tony brought the paper to his nose, eyes scanning it. Once. And again. And again and again, like he just couldn't make sense of that one word that the doctor written. Maybe Tony just couldn't make out that trade-mark bad handwriting all doctors had?

The little piece of paper fluttered to the floor, but Tony's hands remained frozen in place as if he was still holding it. "Oh my God." He looked up at them, eyes wide.

"I'm gonna have a little girl."


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

Loki was not one to panic. He was the lie-smith, the one with the silver tongue who always kept a placid mask even in the most dire of situations.

But right now he was verging on the brink of insanity. He'd left Roan alone for less an a minute to buy the two of the 'boiled peanuts' from the street-vendor, and when he'd returned, his son was _gone_. Just vanished.

To build to the ever rising tension, his tracking spell was not working as quickly as he would have liked.

Loki darted past the entrance to the Central Park Zoo, thankful that Roan had not gone in _their_. It had taken only one trip to a zoo to decide that he did not like them in a least; animals locked up in cages, subjected to being watched and judged by mere mortals? That hit too close to home for Loki, and he had not returned to any sort of animal-keeping establishment since he'd freed the tigers at the Brooklyn Zoo.

The tracking spell tugged at his gut, sending down a narrow, less taken by path. For summer in New York, this section of the park was oddly deserted, and that fact did not escape Loki's notice; it made him feel uneasy, and he doubled both his guard and his pace. Suddenly, urged on by his magic, he took a sharp left and cut across a field of grass, hurdling stray picnic-ers, the occasional giant statue of a dog, and the row of bushes that separated him from the next path.

As he clipped the top of the hedge and landed with all the grace of Thor on the other side, Loki breathed out a sigh of relief. There, not a hundred yards away, sat Roan. He was at a chess table, pointing at pieces with an openly curious look on his face. Loki frowned when he who his son was sitting with. From this angle, all he could see was a trench coat and a fedora. Loki _knew _what that meant. The god of lies strode swiftly over to their table.

"Hello, Father!" Roan chirped, waving excitedly. The boy was practically vibrating in his seat. "Look! Mr. Lehnsherr is teaching me to play chess! And I'm winning so far!"

"How very... _kind _of Mr. Lehnsherr," Loki sneered, eyeing the man in the fedora.

The man turned around in his chair, and Loki was surprised by his appearance. The man was old, with thick gray brows, an abundance or wrinkles around his eyes and the corners of his mouth, and clear blue eyes that held an all to familiar mischievous twinkle. When Lehnsherr smiled, Loki found himself doubting his first thought that this man was a child predator.

Lehnsherr chuckled and waved it Loki's comment away like it was a silly idea. "Not all. Your son Roan here is a complete delight - one of the smartest children I have ever had the pleasure of teaching."

Loki arched an inky eyebrow. "Oh? You've taught a lot of children, then?"

"As a matter of fact," Lehnsherr replied slyly, "I helped to found a school, and help teach it's first class. One of my students, Hank McCoy, went on to be a senator and is now an ambassador."

While the name meant nothing to Loki, he understood that both of those positions were very important in the Midgardian chain of government. "That's very impressive, Mr. Lehnsherr."

"Oh, well, I'm sure your son could amount to more." Lehnsherr moved his knight closer to Roan's king. "Check," he said distractedly, before turning back to Loki. "For someone his age to be putting up such a fight is quite formidable. He had me in check a few moves back, and I, forgive me if I seem conceited, am something of a master."

"Father is a master," Roan said suddenly. "He is the cleverest man there is. He could beat you if he tried, Mr. Lehnsherr."

Loki frowned at his son. "Roan, do not be so bold."

"But it's true! Even Uncle Tony said so - and he never thinks anyone is better than him!"

Before Loki could begin to tell his son to mind his manner, Lehnsherr turned to smile at Loki. "Well, if that is the case, then perhaps you would not mind taking your son's place, hmm? As long as that is alright with Roan."

"Of course it is!" Roan leapt up, latched on to his father's arm, and began to drag him over to the seat. "Please, Father, I would love to see you play."

When Roan fixed him with those huge blue eyes, Loki felt his resolve to not get involved waver, and then completely crumple. His son looked so proud of him, and he had yet to do anything. With a resigned sigh, Loki sat. "It is my move, yes?" Before Lehnsherr could reply, Loki moved his king to safety.

"Interesting," Lehnsherr muttered. "I would have thought you to be more... _aggressive_. May I ask why you did not take my knight?"

"Because moving my king was the safest course of action," Loki replied smoothly.

Lehnsherr moved a rook, taking one of Loki's pawns. "A very solid strategy, but I myself find that you can't win the game without taking a few lives."

Loki's insides grew cold. Somehow, he knew Lehnsherr was talking about a different sort of chess game, one that extended far beyond the board and one where people's lives hung in the balance. He could not explain it, but got the feeling that this kind old man sitting in front of him had a much more sinister side.

"Well," Loki said evasively as he pushed his bishop forward, "I have tried that before. It did not end well for me."

"I'm sorry to hear you say that." A knowing smile crossed Lehnsherr's face. "A business partner of mine was hoping that you held a different point of view, as he knows you did not long ago, _Loki_ _Lauefeyson_."

Freezing, Loki moved his head ever so slightly so that he could make eye-contact with his son. Roan's eyes were wide with surprise, and, horrified, he looked questioningly at Loki.

_How did he know your name? _he seemed to ask.

Now _that _was an excellent question - a question very much would like to know the answer to. But this was not the place or time, here in the middle of Central Park with his young and vulnerable son.

In one swift movement, Loki was on his feet, a protective hand placed tightly on Roan's shoulder. "You play an excellent game, Mr. Lehnsherr, but I'm afraid you'll have to find a new opponent." He gathered up his magic, ready to take him and Roan back to the safety of their apartment.

The last thing he saw before disappearing into the darkness was Lehnsherr's calm smile. Though he could not hear him say it, Loki could read that final word on his lips:

_Checkmate._

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

Erik was very pleased with himself; in less than a month, he had managed to find the weaknesses of _two _Avengers (although Loki was not technically a part of their team, the fact that he would come to their aid during battle was not lost on anyone). Really, he did believe that he had set some sort of super-villain record. It took most villains _years _to find out their enemies' Achilles' heels, but here he was, with two. And, might he add, the most _important _two: the one who had the greatest chance of stoping them, and the one who was necessary to their plan.

Although, as Erik had learned, that was no longer true; Banner did not have _any _chance of stopping them now. The man was _dying_, after all. The book on atomic bomb survivors and victims, his generally beaten attitude, and the rash on his chest coupled with the fact that Banner had gained his powers from exposure to absurdly high amounts of radiation had made his deteriorating health very obvious. As far as they were concerned, the Hulk was not a threat anymore.

Finding Loki's weakness, however, had been a sheer stroke of luck. Erik had simply been strolling through the park, minding his own business for once, when he'd seen the god of mischief and a chess table. An idea had popped into his head then: _If it worked with Banner, why shouldn't it work with him? _

Of, course, things hadn't exactly gone according to plan. Erik, using his metal-manipulating, had sent a chess piece across the way, hoping to hit Loki on the back of the foot with it. At the last second, someone entirely different had stepped in the way and become the unintentional target. Upon feeling the piece hit his shoe, little Roan had picked it up and jogged over to Erik, more than happy to return it.

Seeing an opportunity, Erik had offered to teach the friendly young boy chess. And everything had fallen into place from there.

Now, Erik sat in a large armchair, peacefully sipping his wine as he waited for the infamous Victor von Doom to 'grace him with his presence'. Just thinking about the cocky young man made him roll his eyes; young people today thought far too much of themselves. Yes, Doom had _reason_. He was a well-trained sorcerer, super-powered, a genius, and a king. But Erik had learned from years of experience to never believe yourself invincible, for that was when you became the easiest to defeat.

The bang of doors bursting open, followed by the rhythmic slapping of leather boots on stone alerted him to Doom's presence. Erik actually snorted at that thought; how could he _not _be aware of Doom? The man did everything in his power to make sure he was noticed.

"Erik!" he cried as though greeting an old friend. The mutant rolled his eyes at the king's theatrics. "Or do you still prefer Magneto? Either way, I trust you have good news for me." Doom stopped short in front of Erik and frowned. "But the lack of Loki Laufeyson says otherwise. Don't tell me you couldn't come up with a way to get him here?"

Erik allowed himself to smirk at Doom instead of smack him. Did he honestly think he could use that tone with him and get away with it. Keeping his cool, the old man replied, "Loki has expressed that he is not interested in the slightest in our endeavors."

Doom's face contorted with rage. After all, Loki was single most important part of their plan. Without the other's sorcerer's magic, they were, no pun intended, doomed to fail. They had been relying heavily on his agreement.

Erik decided to let Doom live with the dread he must feeling a little longer. He took a small sip of his wine, biding his time. "But I did find a way to bring him here."

"Oh?" A spark lit in Doom's cold, deep blue eyes. "And how are we going to manage that? He's the most powerful sorcerer in this realm, and you've already said that he wants no part of this. How is it that you plan on bringing him here? Do you think you can just capture a man who has all the power of an atomic bomb, and more?" Sarcasm was practically dripping of his words.

"He has a son," Erik answered simply.

Doom's eyes grew wide, and the gears in his head began turning. Erik could see it in his eyes and his expression when all the pieces fell into place, and the importance of the four little words that Erik had said clicked.

"Well," Doom said slowly, a malicious grin forming. "This changes _everything_." Clapping his hands together, Doom turned his back to Erik, then, as if changing his mind, he whirled back around. "Loki cares for the boy?" he asked sharply.

Erik smirked again. "When he thought he'd gone missing, he was positively frantic. When he thought that I was a threat to Roan, he became very protective. In short, I'd say yes. Loki cares for his son."

"Perfect," the king muttered as he rubbed his hands together. "Absolutely perfect. I trust you can arrange everything?"

"By arrange, I do hope you mean 'orchestrate'." Erik frowned. "I do not want blood of the innocents on my hands."

Doom just laughed at that. "Oh, yes, I forget; you wrong only the people who have wronged you. A bit ridiculous, in my opinion, but I wasn't going to have _you _kidnap the boy anyways - you'll be busy that night."

"Busy with what, pray tell?"

"Details, details," Doom said, waving him off. "Be patient, Erik. All will be revealed in time. Now, you may go. I have a man to see about mythology."

Erik rose to go, but stopped when he reached the door. He did not like Doom being this secretive. It made him... _doubt_. "I do hope you plan on keeping your end of the bargain, Victor."

"Of course," Doom replied smoothly. "You'll get exactly what you asked for; control of this realm and the power help mutants take their rightful place above the humans. No longer will your kind have to hide in fear. No longer will they be experimented on and tested, like a bug under a microscope."

Erik bristled; Doom had used that analogy, that phrase ('_your kind_') on purpose, a way to remind him of his painful past. As if there was ever a moment when he forgot. Still, with the Latvertian, it was all about keeping up appearances.

"I'm simply making sure," Erik said as he turned to face Doom with a smile. "Without further ado, I must leave you. I do believe I have an appointment with your apprentice."


	23. Chapter 23

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

Thor decided that he quite liked this 'pina colada', possibly even more than he liked the 'mojito' Barton had brought him earlier. The god brought the drink to his lips, doing his best to avoid the bright pink umbrella that was floating around in the sea of deliciousness.

"Jesus, man," Barton muttered, staring in awe as Thor drained the cup. "That's you third highly alcoholic drink in the last ten minutes. And you're still standing. How the hell do you do that? Please. Teach me your secret, my master." Barton bowed his head, as if worshipping Thor.

That confused the god. Since coming to this realm, he had only been called master once, and that was when he and Jane were... Thor felt himself go pale and he prayed to the All-Father that Barton meant it in a completely different way. Because he wasn't sure how to respond, he decided to ignore that last comment completely. "I do not understand what is so impressive. On Asgard, the ale is much stronger, and is served in bigger mugs. This is really nothing."

"But... you were completely _wasted _during Bruce's party!"

There was a snort, and both the archer and the god turned to where Stark was attempting to tie the groom's tie. Right now, it looked like what had happened when Thor had tried to lace his 'tennis shoes' that Jane had bought him, or the time when he gotten tangled up in the yarn while knitting the Son of Coul a scarf for his birthday. "Keep in mind that Thor here was drinking vodka by the _pint_ that night," Stark said.

Barton rubbed the side of his face, as if trying to remember. He seemed to come up short.

"Oh!" Banner yelped suddenly, smacking away Stark's hand. "It's a tie, not a noose! You don't _have _to strangle me! I would like to _live _through my wedding."

Stark threw his hands up in defeat and turned and walked away, leaving Banner standing with the tie wrapped around his neck in the oddest of shapes. With a sigh, Stark turned to the other groomsmen. "OK, Pepper did my tie. Pepper _always _does my tie. Did anyone here manage to get theirs done by themselves?"

"Pepper did mine, too," Barton offered. "And Logan's, for that matter."

The gruff man grunted to show that it was true.

Thor shrugged. "Jane created my knot."

"Isn't it, like, two rabbits chasing each other, and then one goes under the hole, and the other goes through it?" Barton frowned. "Maybe that's when you tie your shoes..."

"Well, shit. Where's Steve when you need him? Bet he knows how to do it..." Stark turned hopefully to Banner. "Can you tie it yourself?"

"Would I have asked you to help me with it if I could do it myself?"

"Fair point," Stark admitted. He stroked his chin thoughtfully, waiting for an idea. Then, he snapped his fingers. "I got it! Someone go get Pepper!"

Banner quickly stepped down from the podium he had been on. "I'll go - "

"No you won't!" Both Barton and Stark grabbed him by the shoulders and hefted him back up in front of the mirror. "_You _are not aloud to go anywhere near Carter. At all," Stark sounded deadly serious. "Do you have any idea how many times I heard the 'if you let Bruce see her before the wedding, I'm never sleeping with you again' speech from Pepper on the way up here? She will literally _kill _me if you get within a fifty foot radius of any females involved in this wedding prior to the ceremony. You're staying."

Logan (whom Thor considered a brother in arms after they had battled the Doombots together) shrugged and headed for the door. "I'll go do it."

No one objected. As soon as the door closed, Barton looked to them. "You know, I never really understood the whole 'the groom can't see the bride in her dress before the wedding' deal."

"It is an age old custom, used even on Asgard," Thor explained. "The love goddess Freya believes that if the man _truly _loves the woman, he can wait. It is a test. And if he fails this test, the he has not proven himself worthy, and his love shall be cursed."

They all stared at him incredulously, making him feel uncomfortable. "What?"

"How do _you_, god of thunder and fighting and drinking a lot and all stuff _masculine_," Stark asked, "know so much about _weddings_? You weren't married on Asgard, were you?"

"I did not actually _get_ married, but I did go through with it up until the very end. Then, I jumped out of my dress, reclaimed Mjolnir, and killed the thief, who was to be my husband." When he noticed the wide-eyed looks they were giving him, he offered his usual explanation. "It was Loki's idea."

The Avengers let out little 'oh' noises and excepted that answer without really questioning it. Thor supposed that was usual; Loki _was _typically responsible for anything that was extremely out of the ordinary around SHIELD.

"Well. I don't think I'll ever be able to get _that _mental image out of my head, so I'm just gonna try and distract myself," Stark announced. He turned to Banner then, a grin forming and his eyebrows doing what the mortals called 'the wave'. "So. Bruce. Excited about the... _honeymoon_?"

Banner narrowed his eyes, suspiciously. "I don't even know where you're sending us."

"Nope! And you won't until you get there!" Stark winked. "But that's not _exactly _the part I was talking about."

"It better have been."

Thor, who was unsure of what Stark was talking about, opened his mouth to ask what part he _was _talking about. However, before he could, the door flew open and in stalked the former Lady Potts, followed by Friend Wolverine.

"Good God, you men are pathetic," Lady Stark huffed. "Honestly. _None _of you know how to tie ties? _Steve _knows how to tie a tie. I don't have time for this! I still have to double check the seating and the flowers and make sure the priest gets here on time. And, oh, I have to check on the band!" She finished detangling the knot her husband had made, and began to do Banner's tie properly. "Bruce, have you really never done this before?"

"I wore clip-ons," he offered meekly.

She finished with a flourish, then turned to face them all. "You are all to be on your best behavior, are we clear? Thor, you are cut off from the alcohol until the reception. Same for you, Tony. Clint, you leave any and all women you see _alone_. And Logan, please try not to stab anyone."

Logan looked slightly offended, but both Stark and Barton were outraged. "Oh, c'mon Pepper!" Stark cried at the same time Barton said, "But how am I supposed to get laid if I can't even talk to them?"

"If _any _of you do what I've told you not to do, you will be in _deep_ trouble." When she said it in that tone, Thor, who had thrown a _hammer_ at the king of the Frost Giants, felt himself shiver a little in fear. " Are we clear?"

"Crystal," Barton muttered dejectedly.

Before Lady Stark could exit the room, Thor remembered something: none of them had seen the captain in over an hour. "Lady Stark, do you know Friend Roger's whereabouts?"

"Oh, yes." Lady Stark smiled with... pride? "Steve's been helping us with Carter's hair. He has such an artistic eye."

Stark did a spit-take, spewing saliva all over Banner, who cringed and began wiping himself off as best he could with his hands. "Steve's doing _what_?"

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

"Put it up higher," Steve instructed. "Otherwise, you won't be able to see the clip from this angle."

Lily did as she was instructed. Thank _God _Steve was here to help her out; the elaborate bun she'd made for her sister wouldn't have been half this good if the captain had wandered in and offered to help make it look better. "Is that good?"

Steve smiled and nodded. "Actually, I think that's perfect. Really. It's classic, but with the few loose curls, it's also kind of messy. You did a great job, Lily."

"Thank you, Steve!" Lily stood from her chair and gave him a quick hug around his middle(since she couldn't really much higher than that).

Carter, who had spun around in her chair to get a good look in the mirror, raised an eyebrow. "Steve, I'm slightly concerned that this turned out so well."

"Why would you be concerned?" Steve was genuinely confused. _Poor guy_, Lily thought. _He doesn't get what she's implying..._ "You're sister did a great job. What's so concerning about that?"

Carter opened her mouth, but then thought better of it. She stood from her chair, the white fabric of her dress falling into place. Wow. She looked beautiful. Lily felt herself start to tear up. Oh, God. Her little sister was getting married. This was just... just...

"You look amazing!" Jane gushed, putting a hand to her mouth. "Absolutely _gorgeous_. Bruce is such a lucky guy. I hope he knows that!"

An awkward look on her face, Carter turned back to look in the mirror. "I'm just wearing a dress..."

"You're not _just _wearing a dress!" Lily, who was still crying just a little bit, stood and walked over to stand behind her sister. "You're getting _married_. You're make-up is perfect, your hair is amazing, and you're practically glowing! You look so pretty. I'm so happy for you!" Lily squeezed her sister.

"I think you still look like a bad-ass," Darcy offered from her spot on the floor.

Carter turned and grinned down at the intern, who wasn't actually a bridesmaid. "I knew there was a reason we let you in here."

Darcy shrugged. "Any time."

"Steve, go keep an on them," Pepper said breathlessly as she walked through the door. She just shook her head. "Make sure they don't do anything stupid. Please." The red-head gave the captain a tired smile as he nodded and went back to the boys.

Natasha, who'd been lounging about in one of the chairs, stopped stretching and straightened up. "What was the emergency Logan was talking about?"

Pepper just rolled her eyes, sighing and shaking her head. "They couldn't figure out how to get Bruce's tie done. It looked like the thing had come to life and tried to strangle him."

"You haven't taught Tony how to tie a tie yet?" Lily asked, surprised. She'd sort of just assumed that all men could tie ties; Loki sure could. Well, maybe he didn't know how to physically do it, but he could magic on tied. He always looked so handsome in his suits...

She just shook her head again. "No, I have. Everyday for the past fifteen years. He _still _hasn't caught on, though. But I think everyone's suited up and ready to go now."

"So can we just - " Carter started walking towards the door, but Natasha leaped up and darted across the room to block her path like the trained ninja-assassin she was.

"Nope!" she said with a grin. "_You _have to stay here until we say you can come out."

There was a knocking noise, and all heads turned to face the door. "Man on the floor!" a familiar voice announced. The knob turned, and the door swung open, revealing their dad. In an old fashioned tux and bow-tie, he looked rather... dapper.

"Just thought I'd come and see how you all were doing," he said. "Shame you're all already dressed," he added cheekily, winking over-dramatically.

"Hi, Dad." Carter rolled her eyes before grinning. "You look nice."

He got this smug look on his face, and he tugged both ends of his bow-tie the way a younger man would pop his collar. "Don't I know it. I'll have to fight the ladies off at this rate. Especially now that I've gotten myself a wingman. Me and Steve, the only real gentlemen here. He tied this for me, you know," their dad added, gesturing to the bow-tie.

"'Course he did," Carter replied like it was obvious. And it kind of was, actually. Their dad had never been a very sharp dresser, so either Pepper or Steve must have done it. "So. You come to give me some advice before you give me away?"

"Sure did." He crossed over to where she was standing in front of the mirror and wrapped and arm around her shoulder. "I just wanted to let you know, that even though he's gonna be your husband, if Bruce tries anything you don't like, you can still hit him with a baseball bat." He chortled at his own threat, then got a very serious look on his face. "You look so much like your mom."

It was true. Though Lily's memories of their mother were dim (and Carter's were practically non-existent), she knew it was true. They had the same heart-shaped face, curly hair, and smile. And, from what Lily could remember from their parent's wedding pictures, both of them looked beautiful in all white.

Carter blinked, but Lily, who knew her best, could tell that that was Carter's way of remaining calm. "Jesus, Dad. Are you trying to make me cry before my wedding?"

"If her make-up starts running," Natasha threatened from the chair she had settled back down into, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to kill you, Mr. McIntyre. I spent nearly an hour making it look perfect."

Their dad, who had been on the verge of tears just a minute ago, burst out laughing. "You've got fight in you, Natasha. Mind saving a dance for an old, decrepit man like me who's probably going to die alone?"

"No," Natasha replied smoothly. "But I _will _save a dance for a slightly perverted old man who's probably going to end up a playboy before he dies."

He laughed again and stuck out his hand. "We've got a deal, Ms. Romanoff."

All of the sane people in the room face-palmed.


	24. Chapter 24

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

"You look like you're gonna have a heart-attack," Tony told Bruce in his most helpful tone. Seriously, he looked more like he was on death row than at the end of the aisle. You know, the end of the aisle that his _bride _was about walk down.

Still pale, and still shaking slightly, Bruce just nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, I know."

"Just don't pass out, OK?" Tony glanced behind him to where the pier ended and the Atlantic Ocean began. "You'll probably drown."

"You aren't _helping _me!" Bruce hissed through his teeth.

Tony shrugged. "Sorry."

A cool breeze passed, and he was bombarded by the smell of the salty sea air. Normally, Tony didn't really like the beach. All that sand in all those places? Yeah, no thank you. He was much happier just letting JARVIS read him the surfing conditions and pretending like he actually knew what any of it meant. But this was nice. Having a wedding on pier by the ocean, on one of Tony's many private islands up in New England (he actually had had no idea that he'd owned this one)? His wife was a freaking genius. This was, as much as he hated to admit it, a beautiful place.

The small crowd was assembled in the seats in front of them, whispering back and forth excitedly. Tony gave the Fantastic Four (yes, he'd put them on the guest-list) a little wave, and the Richards waved back. Johnny just did head-nod thing, and Ben was too busy giving Bruce a somewhat evil grin (probably not helping to reduce the man's stress) to be bothered with Tony.

In the back, Loki and Coulson (yes, Super Nanny had made the list) sat stoically, arms crossed and glaring ahead. Really, you'd think they were at a funeral. Tony shook his head; they really needed to just skip to the reception, so everyone could get their hands on some alcohol. That would loosen the SHIELD agent and the god of mischief up quite a bit.

Tony peered around Bruce and the preacher, trying to get a look at his wife. When he found that Pepper was already smiling at him, he beamed back. She looked so pretty in that purple dress of hers. The fabric fit her in just the right places. Even the baby-bump looked attractive. Baby bump.

Tony swallowed. Oh, God. One day, he was going to have stand here again and watch his little girl go through this. The thought made him both excited and nervous; his girl was gonna get married, but she was _his _girl Would she still be his girl after that? Tony shook his head. He'd just ask John McIntyre about that later.

"Uncle Tony," little Roan said, turning back to face him. He looked up with wide eyes. "Is it going to start soon?"

He couldn't help but laugh at the kid's tone. Yep, they'd probably picked the most adorable ring-bearer in the history of marriages. Tony reached out and ruffled Roan's perfectly slicked back hair. From across the pier, Loki sent Tony a killer glare, as if to say _Don't mess with my son and his hair products_. "Any minute now, kid. Just wait for the - "

Right on cue, the music started.

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

Bruce's panic-attack switched gears and turned to full on cardiac-arrest. Jesus Christ, this was _actually _happening. He was _actually _about to get married. To Carter.

Oh my God. He couldn't do this. He'd spent too long on his own, too long keeping people at a distance so that he wouldn't hurt them. He couldn't just...

He hadn't told her yet. He should have, but he couldn't bring himself to. It would break her heart, and he couldn't stand to see that. So he was just going to wait until he wasn't around to see the aftermath. They'd find out when it happened.

Coward.

He was a coward. A coward who wanted nothing more than to jump into the ocean and swim all the way to Europe, leaving everything behind and saving everyone from the hurt and the pain. Bruce knew that would be best if he just disappeared, fell of the face of the Earth and left everyone wondering. Better to have hope that he might come back than to know that he was gone for good.

His breaths became more rapid as terror flooded through him. Oh, God, there was the flower girl (where the hell had Tony even _found _her?). He couldn't do this. He just couldn't -

And then he saw her, and all of his doubts suddenly when away. Just seeing her walking down the aisle made his heart beat a little faster, made him feel more confident. Bruce straightened up, well aware of the ridiculous grin that was probably on his face. He _could _do this.

Even under the veil, Carter's smile was visible. Wow. She was so beautiful. She always was, but today... wow. Just _wow_. He couldn't quite wrap his head around the idea that she'd picked him of all people. Picked him when was a monster, a threat to everyone.

He felt like the luckiest man on the face of the Earth. And any other realm, for that matter.

Before, he was almost dreading the moment when she would finally get to him. Now, it couldn't come soon enough. Bruce had to resist the urge to tell the band to play faster. As Carter and her dad slowly made their way up the aisle, the anticipation was building inside him. He kind of felt like he was going to explode. But it would be a good kind of spontaneous combustion.

There she was now, just mere feet away from him. Mr. McIntyre (John? _Dad_?) kissed Carter on the forehead, his eyes filled with tears. He gave a short nod to Bruce before taking his seat in the front row.

Bruce held his hand out to Carter, and when she took it, all of the tension faded. It was just him and her now. With that same goofy grin on, he took the thin veil and tossed it back. She blinked those bright greens eyes at him once, sending his heart off again.

It took pretty much all of his will-power to _not _kiss her right then and there.

From behind them, the priest began to speak. "Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today..."

He didn't really hear much after that. He was too wrapped up in own thoughts to care. Carter squeezed his hands and gave him a crooked grin, letting him know that she was ready for this. And he was ready.

It didn't matter that he hadn't told her yet. He would tell her - and then they would fix it. _Together_. Because that what they did. They were in love, and they were about to married, and there was nothing they couldn't do if they did it together.

Vaguely, as if he was underwater, he heard the priest ask for the rings. Little Roan came up to them, pillow in hand and a huge smile on his face. Bruce grinned down at his little nephew-to-be and plucked the gold band off the velvet. In one oddly graceful (for him, anyways) movement, he slipped it onto Carter's ring finger. She did the same.

The priest cleared his throat again. Oh, God. Here it was. The part where Bruce actually had to _speak_.

"Do you, Bruce Banner, take Carter McIntyre, to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part?"

Bruce swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. "I do." Wow. His voice hadn't quavered at all when he'd said that, despite how nervous he was.

"And do you, Carter McIntyre, take Bruce Banner, to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part?"

"I do," Carter announced with a huge grin. Bruce couldn't explain it, but he felt so relived when she said that.

The priest smiled kindly at them both. "I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

Finally. Bruce leaned in, pressing his lips to hers, fighting the urge to smile. Carter wound her fingers through his hair as she deepened the kiss and pulled him in closer. From somewhere off to the side, he heard Clint making an immature, 'Oooooh!'.

He didn't care, though. He was too lost in Carter to care.

In fact, he was so preoccupied that he didn't really even feel it when Tony leaned over and gave them both a not-so-subtle nudge.

But he did notice when he was suddenly underwater.

The two of them came up for air, gasping and spluttering. _Why is it that every time I try to have a moment - ?_

Bruce was cut off mid-mental rant by the sound of his 'best man' doubled over with laughter. Tears were steaming down Tony's face, and he clutched at his sides, hooting in delight. "Oh, man! Your faces!"

"Your face," Carter responded pleasantly before whipping her hand out of the water and sending a green disc in Tony's direction. The billionaire's eyes widened in surprise as the flat end made contact with his head, knocking him backwards. Pinwheeling, Tony fought to keep his balance, but, despite Steve's best efforts to catch him, went tumbling into the water.

The fun didn't stop there, though. Steve had reached just a little too far when he'd lunged for Tony, and was now teetering on the edge. Funnily enough, it was Logan who grabbed Steve by the tie, trying to keep him from falling.

Steve's weight dragged them both into the water.

Thor grinned and let out an amused laugh, which caused Logan to flip him the bird. Ignoring it completely, Thor rushed over to where his girlfriend was, scooped Jane up in his arms, and jumped off the dock, his laughs mixing in with her screams of pure terror.

Chaos sort of erupted after that. Bruce turned to shield his eyes from the splashing, and when he finally looked back, Pepper was the only one still standing. Even the priest was in the water, spewing and flailing wildly.

"Come on in, Peps!" Tony shouted, spitting water like a fountain and grinning. "The water's nice!"

Pepper stamped her foot. "Tony Stark! You've _ruined _this! I - I - I can't even - "

With that, she threw a shoe at Tony's head.

Bruce turned to face Carter only to find that she was grinning at him. Next thing he knew, they were kissing again,

And he couldn't have been happier.


	25. Chapter 25

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

There was one major flaw in SHIELD's security: if you wore a suit, no one questioned whether or not you were supposed to be there. While Erik missed his trench coat and fedora, it was a small price to pay. A grin played at his lips as he passed yet another agent that paid him no mind.

Another flaw SHIELD had was their fondness for making everything out of metal. Erik's sense were going haywire, and a strength that he had not felt in years coursed through him as he walked through the steal tunnels, descending down into the bowels of the agency.

With a swipe of his hand, Erik slid the high-tech door in front of him open soundlessly. Hand still outstretched, he cautiously entered the observing room only to find that it was empty. In fact, all of SHIELD had been oddly empty. Erik shrugged. Wherever they were, he hoped they were having a good time, because there was going to be hell to pay when they got back.

Erik crossed over to the window and stared through it at Mary MacPherran. Or should he call her Titania? Chained to a chair, she didn't really _look _like the magnificent Titans she was named for. In fact, she didn't resemble a super-villain at all. Young villains these days had no clue how important it was to keep up appearances.

No matter. Erik wasn't here to give her advice, he was here to free her. With a wave of his hand, her chains were broken and the door to her cell flew open. Wide-eyed, Titania jerked up out of her chair, looking around like a wild animal and rubbing her wrists. When it finally dawned on her that she was free, a crazy light filled her eyes.

She grinned wickedly and punched a hole through the wall, making her way to the city above them.

Erik just smiled. His work here was done.

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

Carter smiled as her dad spun her around. For all the fuss he'd made about having to slow dance with her in front of a bunch of people, he was actually pretty light on his feet. He drew her back in and sighed. "I should probably hand you over to your husband now, huh?"

"That is kind of what this dance is about," she reasoned, trying to laugh at his expression. He looked like a kicked puppy. "You giving me away."

"I thought that was what me walking you down the aisle was about. I didn't know I'd have to give you away _twice_. Seems a bit redundant to me. I'd make more sense if I just got to keep you," her dad grumbled. Still, he waved Bruce over and let her go. "Don't think that you can keep her, Banner. My feet just hurt and I'm going to take a break."

Bruce grinned. "Of course, sir."

Her dad jokingly did the _I got my eyes on you _gesture before going to stand off the side with the rest of the crowd.

Still grinning, Bruce offered Carter his hand, pulling her in close. She inhaled deeply and suppressed a laugh. Despite the shower, he still smelled like saltwater. And she didn't really have a problem with that.

"Hi," he whispered in her ear. "How are you?"

"I'm doing OK. But the guy I'm dancing with keeps stepping on my feet."

Bruce's face grew red, and he quickly widened the distance between them. "Sorry!"

"I think it's cute," Carter replied, pressing against him again. This was pretty much her happy place. Here, with him, and no one else. Yes, there were people watching (and she didn't know most of them), but that didn't matter. To her they were nonexistent. They revolved slowly on the spot.

As the band finished up the song, Tony took the stage. Carter was fairly impressed; the bar had been open for about ten minutes and the best man was already pretty drunk. "Alright everybody! Let's give it up for the happy couple!

"Now," Tony said, giving them all that signature smirk of his, "as the best man, it's my job to give these guys a toast. Apparently. I thought Pepper said toaster when she was explaining it to me, so they'll be getting one of those, too, but here's the speech that I'm supposed to give. Give me a minute to write it in my head."

The crowd laughed.

"Oh! OK, I got it! I'll tell their story!" Tony looked extremely pleased with himself. "So, you see these two people here? The first time they met, Carter almost killed Bruce. Not like, '_Die, you bastard!'_, but in the sense that she almost gave him a heart-attack. Which would have made him Hulk out and kill the rest of us, turning this into more of a slasher story than a romance one, but thankfully, I'm awesome and I stopped that from happening.

"Anyways, after some force-fields and cars being thrown, the two of them got trapped under a bunch of rocks together. That's pretty much when their love began to blossom. Now, I'm not saying anything happened, but I guarantee you that Bruce wasn't wearing a shirt of pants."

"I was wearing pants!" Bruce objected, making everyone laugh again.

Tony rolled his eyes. "OK, fine, he had pants, but he had a hard time keeping them up. Let's see, what happened after that... Oh! Then Loki threw me out the window! And I'll have you know that it hurt like hell. Seriously, I haven't been able to walk right since. Um, after that... right! So, Carter was about to get eaten alive by this giant-ass magic wolf, when all of a sudden, Hulk swoops in and saves her like a knight in torn purple pants. Then, being the rational person that she is, Carter jump's on the wolf's back, starts falling to her doom, and Hulk catches her. Again. Clearly, both of them are the damsels in distress in this relationship."

"After that, Hulk, Carter, and giant-ass wolf go running off into the sunset. No one knows for sure what happened while they were gone, but when they got back? We all started choking on the sexual tension in the air. Really, those two just needed to be locked in a closet until they just went ahead and fu - "

"Thank you, Tony!" Pepper shouted quickly, running up on stage and snatching the mike from her drunk husband. She looked horribly embarrassed and apologetic. "Isn't he a wonderful best man? Anyways, on behalf of the Banners, I'd just like to thank everyone for coming. It means a lot to them, I'm sure."

Tony grabbed the mike back, a crazy grin on his face. "Thanks, Pep, but this getting kinda boring. Let's get this party started! DJ, give me a fat beat to steal my friend's new wife to!"

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

Logan leaned back against the bar, beer in hand, watching the dance floor warily. Ever since Stark had taken Carter from Banner, the new bride had been passed around to every man there. Except for Logan. And that was _not _going to happen. Logan just didn't dance.

"Dude, what's up your ass?"

Turning, Logan saw that intern girl looking up at him with huge brown eyes. Huh. Didn't she normally wear glasses? And baggy sweatshirts? Now that he'd noticed the form-fitting dress, Logan was having a bit of a hard time not staring. It was just... they were so _big_.

She rolled her eyes. "Geesh, man. Lighten up. Here, have a dri - oh, you've got one, never mind. Seriously, we're at a party. Why the angry face?"

"I don't do parties," Logan replied gruffly, crossing his arms and turning away slightly so that he wasn't tempted to keep looking at her... _chest_.

"Oh, yeah, me neither." The intern hopped up onto the bar and slid closer to Logan, making him jump back in surprise. "But a couple of vodka martinis later and I'm the life of the party. I'm, like, totally wasted right now."

Logan just raised an eyebrow and eyed her suspiciously. "Why are you telling me this?"

"Because," she said like it was obvious. "I'm _drunk_. Duh. After that second drink, my filter went right out the window along with my dignity. Not like I had much of a filter in the first place, but you guys scare me less now. Three cheers for liquid courage!"

When he kept staring at her like she was crazy, she continued. "I'm taking this moment of fearlessness to tell you that I'm actually, like, a huge fan. You're a total badass. I mean, claws? That's some serious shit right there. Plus, your hair is cool. How do you get it to stay up like that? Hairspray? Volumizing moose?"

"Why does everyone keep assuming that I put _products _in my hair?" Logan snapped. "Do I _look _like I give a shit about my hair? Do I?"

"Chill, man." The girl tossed her curly dark hair over her shoulder. "I just wanted to know your secret. Some of the new recruits think you spend so much time on your hair because you're compensating, but I was like, 'Nah, I bet that guy is huge' and they were like, 'Prove it', so now I'm asking you."

Logan had never really been intimated before, but this drunk intern was starting to scare him. _No one _just struck up a conversation with him because he was too intimidating. The fact that this girl had not only done that, but was now asking... things? He was both impressed and terrified. "Are you asking me about my _size_?" he asked, still not believing it.

She looked horrified. "Oh, God, _no_. I was asking about your hair. Wow, and I thought _I _was a pervert - oh, shit. There's my boss. Gotta run. Catch ya later, claws. Not like I'll remember this in the morning, but still. Later." With that, she took off, moving pretty damn fast for a drunk girl in high heels.

There was an exasperated sigh from behind Logan, and the mutant turned to see Coulson coming up behind him with a look of seriousness and annoyance on his face.

"Howlett," he greeted tightly. "Round up the other Avengers. We have to get back to New York."

"Oh, no you don't!" Both men turned to see and angry Pepper stalking towards them. Or rather, stalking towards Coulson. She came right up to the SHIELD agent and started poling him in the chest. "You are _not _going to break up this wedding, do you hear me Coulson? Tony ruined the ceremony, and I am _not _about to let you mess up the reception. I don't care if a giant sea monster has come up out of the ocean and is eating the Statue of liberty! No one is leaving!"

Coulson blinked. "Mrs. Stark, a dangerous and, in my opinion at least, insane criminal named Titania has escaped and is tearing the city apart."

"I told you, I don't care! Call someone else!" Pepper glared at Coulson so hard that the SHIELD agent actually flinched.

"There _is _no one else."

"Yeah there is," Logan said suddenly. When the two of them turned to look at him, he shrugged. "Well, she might be able to help."

Pepper thew her hands up in the air. "Call her, then. Make her go do it - because _no one is leaving this party_ except for you, Coulson." She stomped away.

Coulson ran a hand through his thinning hair. "This had better be good, Howlett. Who am I looking for?"

"Name's Veronica Parker, works at a bar on the lower east side..."


	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

Steve was staring absentmindedly into his glass of alcohol, trying to figure out what it was that he was drinking. In his days, you had beer or wine. But now, there were so many different kinds of drinks, so many brands, and an endless number of combinations. Whatever he was drinking, it tasted sweet, but it didn't smell at all. And it was pink. What on _Earth _was it?

He jumped when someone clapped him on the shoulder and spilled his drink. Naturally, Tony laughed at the stain that quickly formed on the captain's shirt. "Very smooth. Yep, can't see why you haven't picked up a girl yet."

"I'm not trying to get a date," Steve muttered. He could feel the tips of his ears getting heated, and knew they were turning pink. When he was little, his mother had always assured him it was cute, but almost everyone besides her made fun of it.

"Good, 'cause you'd be failing if you were." Tony grinned and clapped him on the back. "Seriously, just wondering here, but are you even ever gonna try to get a girl? 'Cause, and don't take this as me being a creeper, you're a good-looking guy. You _could _get a girlfriend. If, you know, you stopped tucking your shirt into your khakis."

On reflex, Steve looked down at his pants even though he was still in his somewhat damp tux. He tried picturing himself in his usual attire. Was it really all that bad? "I think it looks classy."

"And I think it makes you look like an old geezer, but maybe that's just me," the billionaire countered with a shrug. Then, he turned to face the captain, studying him with oddly focused eyes for someone who was so drunk. "Do you even know who to _talk _to women?"

"Yeah," Steve said defensively. "I had a girl. And I've kissed two."

"Oh, two? Wow, we got a badass over here!"

Steve tensed and glared at Tony. "I used to be a five-foot tall, ninety pound asthmatic."

"But then you took some Vita-Ray to the muscles." Tony just rolled his eyes. "Look, you could have used that to your advantage! You should have told girls you were dying of cancer. That would have gotten you a buttload of sympathy sex."

Just like whenever someone started to talk about 'it' so openly, Steve's face grew horribly red and his breath caught in his throat. Why were people so liberal when it came to talking about that stuff nowadays. "Lying to them would have been wrong. I don't a relationship like that. I want the real thing."

"Oh, good God, you _are _the embodiment of old-fashioned American morals. It's like you walked right out of _Leave it to Beaver _or _Lassie _or _I Love Lucy_. Jesus, how am I even friends with you?" Tony face-palmed and let out a dramatic sigh. He gave Steve such a pained look that the captain actually began to feel guilty, and had to look away.

Just like Howard, Tony had a thing for theatrics.

A bit of a riot to his left caused Steve to turn around. All of the party guests were crowding together, clapping and cheering. Suddenly, Clint ran past him, carrying a huge bowl of rice. "C'mon, guys, this is the best part! We get to throw crap at them!"

Brows drawing closer together, Steve turned to Tony for an explanation. His friend was grinning wildly, a mischievous smirk on his face. But when he saw Steve's expression, he sighed and face-palmed again. "You don't know about the rice, do you?"

"No."

"It's this tradition where all the guests line up on either side of an isle," Tony explained, gesturing to where ever was gathered, "and as the newly-weds come running through to get to the vehicle that'll take them to their honeymoon destination, the guests pelt them with rice. It used to be this thing where it meant 'Oh, rice! You'll have a great farm!', but now it's more of a way for us to get to mess with the bride's oh-so-carefully done hair."

Steve glanced back behind him at the crowd again. "So... they're OK with us throwing stuff at them?"

"Well, I mean, Carter will probably throw it back, but yeah, most people are cool with it." Tony grabbed Steve's arm and started dragging him over to the group. They weaved their way in and out of the crowd (Steve awkwardly ducking and cursing his height) until they were in the front row, next to an almost giddy Clint. The man was rocking back and forth on his heels so violently that rice was spilling over the top of the bowl.

When he heard the now familiar sound of chopper blades, Steve leaned across Tony to get a better view of what was at the end of the aisle. Because there was no way Bruce and Carter were taking a helicopter to their honeymoon.

Well, apparently, when Tony Stark was the coordinator, anything was possible. A sleek black copter had just touched down, and it's spinning blades sent strong gusts of wind out over the guests.

Now, Steve wasn't normally one to curse, but this seemed like an appropriate situation in which to do so. "Where the hell are you sending them?" he roared about the noise.

"My island off the coast of Australia!" Tony shouted back, cackling delightedly.

Steve's eyes grew big and he looked at his friend incredulously before yelling, "You _own_ New Zealand?"

"Look, here they come!" Clint exclaimed. He grabbed a huge fistful of rice and hurled it at the Banners as they ran/ducked towards their ride. Laughing, Tony joined in, grabbing a nice amount of his own.

Steve still felt a little weird about throwing perfectly good food at his friends, but Hawkeye and Iron Man didn't really have a problem with it. Once they ran out of rice, Clint chucked the bowl towards the retreating figures, missing for what was probably the first time in his life. The bowl hit the ground right behind them.

"You missed!" Tony shouted, outraged. "How could you miss? They were _right there_!"

Clint snorted defensively. "I'm drunk, OK?"

Steve just chuckled slightly, ignoring the other men's bickering, and turned to face the helicopter with the rest of the crowd. From inside the cabin, Carter and Bruce waved goodbye, both of them beaming.

As he waved back while the chopper lifted off and away, Steve realized something: The only truly sane people in the house were going to be gone for the next week. Nervously, he turned back to Clint and Tony, only to find that the archer had the billionaire in a head lock.

Was it too late for Steve to ask to join the Banners on their honeymoon?

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

Coulson calmly stepped to the side as Titania hurled Veronica Parker into the wall next to him. Like something out of a movie, Parker slid down the wall and crumpled to the ground, groaning loudly.

"She's coming this way," Coulson informed the woman tonelessly.

Parker, who'd gotten to her hands and knees, looked up at him in mock surprise, her blue eyes filled with... well, hate. "_No_. I hadn't noticed." She rose shakily to her feet, her hair falling around her face and sticking there along with the sweat and dirt. With a little huff, she raised her hands and walked out to meet Titania.

Coulson had been watching the battle from the sidelines this whole time. While she would need a lot of training before she was an Avenger level fighter, Parker wasn't going down easily. She'd relentlessly pelted Titania with lightning bolt after lightning bolt, and had been, for the most part, successful in dodging cars.

The air crackled and burned as Parker summoned up a huge amount of electricity. Her hands glowed, and she reared them back just as Titania (who looked a lot like a charging elephant as she rushed forward) was about to collide with her. Coulson braced himself for the result of the impact, but -

Titania was gone. Just gone. Disappeared. Into thin air. Poof.

Coulson scratched his head and blinked rapidly behind his sunglasses. Titania wasn't a _small _girl by any means; she wasn't the kind of person who could easily slip away. And what had just happened... well, it was like magic. Disapparation, like in Harry Potter. One minute she was there, about to head-butt Parker, and the next she was gone. Maybe she turned invisible? That actually wouldn't surprise Coulson. He'd seen weirder.

However, after a minute had passed and there was no sign of Titania, the SHIELD agent had to accept that his former detainee was AWOL.

Parker, a confused expression on her face, turned to face him. "What happened to her?"

"I have no idea." Coulson strode forward, ready to do business. Howlett had warned him that Parker had no intention of coming to work for SHIELD, so he wasn't surprised when she raised her hands in defense as he approached. "Ms. Parker, please calm down. I'm only thanking you for your services."

"You are?"

"Yes," he said with a nod. "Without you, the damage would have been much greater."

She arched an eyebrow and looked around the street. "Really?" Well, she had a point. The entire city block was totally trashed, with cars sticking out of buildings at odd angles and fissures in the ground. Coulson decided to ignore that.

"We at SHIELD thank you. If a problem ever arises again, you'll be hearing from us." When he saw the panicked look on her face, he backtracked. "It's possible that the city will fall under attack while the Avengers are elsewhere. Should that happen, we'll call on you."

"So," she said slowly, "I'm like a back-up?"

He nodded. "More like a reserve, but yes. Can we count on you to do that for us?" Coulson stuck his hand out, trying to make it obvious that this was a deal he was striking.

"Yeah, yeah you can," Parker replied. She took his hand and gave it one strong shake. "Now. Can you give me a ride back to my apartment? I think Titania threw all the taxis in the area at my head."


	27. Chapter 27

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

It was a god thing that Tony Stark wasn't the Hulk. A _very _good thing. Why, you ask? Because Tony had just received a bill from the Girl Scouts of America. And Walmart. And you know what he had discovered? Apparently, he was $50,000 poorer than he had expected to be. Why?

Because that's how much goddamn _Thor _had spent on freaking_ cookies and Poptarts_. Cookies and Poptarts! What the fuck, man? _Why_? Just... _why_? Yes, Tony understood that Girl Scout cookies were flipping delicious, but _$45,000 _worth? What the... ? _Gah_!

Clearly, Tony was too advanced to even begin to wrap his head around that idiot of a god's actions.

And, clearly, he was too pissed to be thinking rationally, because he had _every _intention of confronting that oaf (God, he'd been hanging around Loki too much) when he got back from his girlfriend's place. Yep, 5"11 Tony Stark was going to take on a wall of muscle.

All because that moronic wall of muscle was stupid enough to let a couple of little girls con him into buying forty years supply of cookies. Damn those wily Girl Scouts.

Oh, and don't even get him started on the Poptarts! Poptarts weren't even all that great! Why the hell would anyone buy five _thousand _dollars worth of the stuff? Why? And where the hell was Thor even keeping all those boxes? For all Tony knew, they were out! Please don't tell him that Thor had already at all of them! That guy was going to _literally _eat him out of house and home.

So, when he heard the door open, Tony pretty much flipped his shit. "Thor Odinson!" he screeched as he started stomping towards the door. "What the hell is your issue, man? I'm made of iron, not gold! You can't just _buy $50,000 _worth of cookies and Poptarts and crap! Maybe you can in Asgard, but here you can't! Just because a couple of cute little Girl Scouts gives you puppy eyes - "

Tony stopped short when he saw that it wasn't actually Thor who'd walked in the door. Carter was giving him a smirk, while Bruce looked alarmed.

"Oh." Tony rubbed the back of his neck. "Hey guys. Back already?"

"Well, it _has_ been a week," Carter reasoned.

Snapping out of his awkward mood immediately, the billionaire shot Bruce a look that made the scientist blush furiously. "So did you kids have _fun _- " he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively " - on your honeymoon? Not too much fun, I hope. I have to sleep in that bed sometimes, too, you know."

After opening and closing his mouth several times, Bruce snapped, "None of your business." Carter looked like she was stifling a laugh.

"Oh, it's totally my business," Tony replied impishly. "I have cameras all over the place!"

"Pervert," Carter laughed.

"President Pervert, you mean. I have my own club," he explained with a wink. "And judging by Bruce's appearance, you totally wore him out."

Now that Tony thought about, Bruce actually didn't look too good. HIs face was pale, there were dark circles under his eyes (which seemed dull and distant), and his cheeks were hollowed out like he'd been losing a lot of weight recently. Tony saw Carter glance worriedly at her husband, but she quickly shook it off and grinned.

"Maybe I did, maybe I haven't yet," she countered. "Either way, we're headed to bed. I don't think either of us slept on the plane."

Bruce let out a sigh. "Well, I did, but it wasn't enough." He offered Tony a weak smile. "G'night." With that, the two Banners grabbed their luggage and headed up the stairs.

Tony couldn't help but notice that Bruce tripped once and dropped the suitcase twice on the way.

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

Everything hurt.

His head pounded, his back ached, and the rest of his body had gone completely numb. Except for his chest. It felt like the world was crashing down on his chest, and every breath Bruce took was a struggle. His lungs burned and protested the action. Bruce knew what was coming. The end. The end was near.

A shallow, shaky breath later and his eyes filled with tears. God, it _hurt_. He knew he was being pathetic, but it just hurt so _bad_. Each breath was excruciatingly painful. Every second was a losing battle.

The ceiling above began to swim before his eyes. Head throbbing, he could hear nothing but the sound of his own body screaming at him to just give up, to just stop the torture. A wave of nausea washed over him then, and all he could do was let out a little whimper.

Through the wall of pain, Bruce felt Carter squeeze his hand. For a moment, he was back in that room. He was holding her hand, and everything was going to be OK, because he was with her. Carter sighed happily in her sleep and pressed against him.

He bit his lip to keep from crying out.

The agony dragged him under again. His lungs, oh, his lungs! It felt like they were on fire now. Sucking in fresh air brought a sharp stab of pain and letting it back out again was a constant stream of anguish. It was exhausting, and his whole body felt like it was being pressed under a boulder.

Oh, shit, no. No, no, no, no! With a strength he didn't know he had, Bruce bolted upright, hand flying to his mouth. Swinging his legs around, he slipped off the bed and stumbled blindly towards the bathroom. Oh, God, he was gonna be sick.

Bruce threw himself down to ground in front of the toilet, sticking his head inside the porcelain bowl as quickly as he could He heaved and heaved and heaved until there was nothing left. And then he heaved and heaved and heaved some more. A rib or too might have cracked along the way, but he couldn't even feel it. His throat and lungs had gone raw, and he couldn't focus on anything but how much it hurt.

And then he started coughing.

Just the force of his coughing sent him flying back from the toilet. He slumped back against the wall, jerking about wildly. Something salty and hot rose up and spewed from his mouth as he hacked. Blood. Blood was going everywhere. It was pooling up in his mouth, filling up his throat. In a last ditch attempt, Bruce switched to his hands and knees, letting the blood gush out onto the bathroom floor.

And then he started vomiting again. His whole body convulsed as blood and bile poured out. He lost track of time, only registering how much his whole chest was contracting and burning. For hours it seemed, he was on all fours, heaving and heaving miserably.

Finally, his whole body gave out and he collapsed in a pool of blood and vomit.

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

Carter had had a restless sleep. Something was wrong, she _knew _something was wrong. But she couldn't wake up. It was like she was trapped in her dreams, unable to come back to reality where something had gone bad.

Eyes still closed, Carter groaned. _I knew I shouldn't have watched _Inception_._

The silence she was met with set off a whirl of realizations. There hadn't been a light laugh when she'd made a noise. No one had leaned in and kissed her forehead, or pulled her in and wrapped their arms around her when they'd figured out that she was awake. The warmth she had fallen asleep with had completely disappeared, leaving her with nothing but a haunting cold opposite side of the bed.

Bruce was gone.

Carter's eyes snapped open. The sight she saw confirmed her fears - the spot next to her was vacant. Her heart started pounding harder. "Bruce?" Even to her ears, her voice sounded higher and desperate.

God, what was wrong with her? So, maybe he'd gone to the bathroom, or downstairs for breakfast. Carter rolled over to see what time it was.

And her heart started off again. _Three AM. _Three AM and he was gone. Something was off, something had gone horribly wrong and she knew it. She didn't know how, but she could just tell. Ignoring the stiffness of sleep, Carter leapt out of the bed.

"Bruce?" she called again, practically frantic now. As quickly as she could, Carter scanned the room for any sign of him. Like it was sending up a flair signal, the slightly cracked open bathroom door jumped out at her.

The bathroom? Well, now she felt stupid. He was just in the bathroom. No need to freak out or anything.

But she still couldn't shake the horrible feeling she had. If he was just in the bathroom, why hadn't he responded when she'd called? "Bruce?" she tried again, more carefully this time, like she was afraid of the answer.

And it turned out she was. The silence that replied terrified her.

Carter cautiously made her way across the room. _Please, God, please, please. _She didn't even know _what _she was praying for, but she hoped that if there was anyone up there, they would answer. Reaching out, Carter pushed the bathroom door open wide.

Her heart stopped.

There was Bruce, _her Bruce_, lying on the floor in a pool of blood and vomit. _His own blood and vomit. _He looked so small and helpless and... _lifeless_.

She couldn't move. She gasped for breath, but nothing would come. The Earth stopped spinning, and her vision blurred until all she could see was her husband, her heart, sprawled out pathetically before her. Her hands went cold, her body numb, and her head pounded relentlessly with the beat of her aching heart. Tears filled her eyes. _Oh, _God, _no. NO!_

Choking out a sob, Carter was by his side in an instant. She gather him up, wrapping his limp body in her arms. Oh, God, she couldn't breathe. She was crying to hard for that.

Bruce. Bruce was still warm. She could feel him breathing still, but it was weak, and his heartbeat was nothing but a little fluttering against his chest. _Why? WHY?_ Letting out a ear-splitting, raw wail, Carter buried her face in the crook of his neck and cried.

"Help," she chocked out, only to find that no intelligible sound would come. Just an emotional gargle, a mix of tears and snot and everything else that came when you were crying your heart out. She wiped angrily at the tears, but only succeeded in getting Bruce's warm, sticky blood all over her face.

It didn't matter. _None _of that mattered. All that mattered was that Bruce was dying. Bruce way dying. _Oh, God, Bruce was dying._

"Help!" Carter screamed again, her voice raw and scratchy from the crying. "Somebody help me!"

And she repeated that chant, rocking Bruce back and forth in her arms as she cried over him until finally someone came. She didn't even know who, but when they tried to pry her off of Bruce, she elbowed them in face.

Soon, a strong pair of hands wrapped around her arms, and another around her waist. Carter fought and kicked and screamed and sobbed, but they wouldn't let her go. They dragged her back out of the room, back away from Bruce.

Voices told her it would be OK. People assured her that they could fix it, that a doctor would be there in a minute. They told she'd just have to hang on and be strong, for _him_. People she didn't know and people her desperate mind couldn't place entered and exited the room in a frenzy, working like madmen to get to Bruce in time. Someone wrapped a blanket around her shoulders and wrapped her hands around a cup of tea.

But none of that mattered.

Bruce was dying.


	28. Chapter 28

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

Tony felt completely numb.

Well, apart from his nose. _That _was throbbing like no tomorrow, but at least it had stopped bleeding. God, Carter had strong elbows. And bad reflexes. You don't just _lash out _at someone trying to help you. Momentarily forgetting about what was going on, Tony turned to give Carter a glare.

When he saw her sitting there blankly, wrapped in a blanket and gripping a tea mug, a slew of seriously depressing emotions flooded through him. Terror. Guilt. Sadness. Angst. Dread. Some more angst. Emptiness. Angst again...

Bruce was dying. Behind those bedroom doors, the guy was hooked up to a bunch of machines that probably weren't doing anything helpful. Tony could still remember the scene he'd walked in on in the bathroom, with Carter clutching his limp body, the two of them covered in blood, vomit, and tears. That was something he'd never forget. Just thinking about it made a shiver travel up his spine.

All of the Avengers had gathered outside of the room, and were dealing with their stress in their own way. Steve paced the length of the hallway like a tiger trapped in a cage, Thor swung his hammer in little circles at his side, and Clint kept plucking the string of his bow. Tony had taken to watching everyone else, while Logan had opted to glare at the floor. The girls (Natasha and Pepper) had their arms wrapped around Carter's shoulders, but she didn't seem to notice. Like Logan, she stared out without really seeing.

Other than the Steve's footsteps and the hum of Clint's bowstring, the whole house was deathly silent.

_Don't say 'deathly', stupid_, Tony reminded himself. _Don't even _think _about death. At all. Under any circumstances. Think about puppies and rainbows and life support that actually works._

A loud cough from behind the door made all of them jump. Carter's mug hit the floor and shattered, sending liquid and porcelain everywhere. Her eyes were wide with fear and hope, and Tony knew exactly what was running through her mind. _Was that Bruce taking his final breath, or was that a sign that he was getting stronger?_

The door cracked open, and Reed Richards, the doctor Tony had decided to call, poked his head out with a sheepish look on his face. "Sorry about that. Had a frog in my throat." When he noticed the looks on their faces, he let out a sigh and opened the door all the way. "You should probably come in now."

It was practically a race to the door. After squeezing past Thor and Steve, Tony stumbled into the room, nearly knocking over a table full of instruments.

A huge lump formed in the back of his throat when he saw how bad his friend looked. Tubes and wires stuck out from Bruce's body at a number of odd angles, all leading to a bunch of machines, most of which Tony didn't recognize. He was pale, whiter as a sheet, and a thin layer of sweat covered his face. Eyelids fluttering, he took shaky, erratic breaths that racked his whole body. Dried blood and chunks of vomit were still stuck in his hair. "Shit," Tony breathed.

He glanced behind him to find that the guys all had similar reactions. Both Thor's and Steve's mouths were hanging open, and Logan and Clint were letting out strings of curses. A small sob caught his attention, and he turned to see his Pepper covering her mouth with one hand as she fought a losing battle against her emotions. Natasha's eyes were misty, and Carter's jaw was clenched as she struggled to remain calm.

Reed closed the door behind them. He spread his hands out, then clasped them back together in front of him, pressing his lips tightly together. "I'm sorry."

"What... what _happened_?" Steve asked desperately, voicing the question they were all mentally screaming. "I mean... what is it? Does he have cancer?"

"Well, no," Reed admitted. He looked around at them awkwardly, like he wasn't sure how to proceed. "It's radiation poisoning, one of the worst cases I've ever seen." Once he got started, there was no stopping his nerdy scientific explanation. "I wasn't quite sure how he'd gotten it at first, but now it's actually quite obvious. Here, let me explain.

"Gamma radiation is the most toxic forms of radiation out there. High dosage exposure can kill you in less than forty-eight hours. It gets into the blood stream at attacks the cells, slowly corroding and corrupting them, much in the same way that cancer does. Actually, radiation can _cause _cancer, as well as cure it. It's one of the most dangerous substances there is.

"When Bruce became the Hulk, his blood cells and the gamma melded together to form one super-powered gamma cell. By mere chance, he'd found the perfect blood to gamma ratio. The two materials were at constant war with each other, one unable to top the other. Eventually, they bonded. Let's call it, say, substance A.

"I wasn't aware of this before, but Bruce tried to cure himself. It appears that he injected himself with another high dosage of gamma, which we'll refer to as substance B for explanation's sake. Just like the first dose, substance B began to attack Bruce's cells, which were then substance A. Substances A and B fought, and just like he must have been hoping for, the gamma destroyed each other, leaving just the blood cells and temporarily curing him.

"But substance B, being pure gamma, was stronger than he had been expecting. A few particles of substance B survived and began multiplying. Unlike the first time, it was not the perfect ratio, and so it poisoned his blood and began to kill him.

"I'm actually not quite sure how he lived this long. In all honesty, he should have died weeks and weeks ago. It would have started off as a headache there, some nausea and raised temperature there, but soon the symptoms would have progressed into nosebleeds, seizures, and a burns across his skin. What you saw tonight should have occurred at least a month ago."

The room was so quite when Reed finished that you could have heard a pin drop. No one moved, shifted, or even _breathed_. The only sound was the inconsistent beeping of Bruce's heart-rate monitor.

"And?" Tony asked suddenly.

Reed looked just as confused as everyone else. "And what?"

"And what are you gonna do about it?" Tony felt an unreasonable anger rising up in him. "_I _could have told you he was dying. I could have told you that he was sick with something deadly. I called you because you should be able to fix it. You and your team were exposed to _space radiation_, and none of _you _are dead! I know you can do something, so just do it!"

Tony's outburst had clearly startled Mr. Fantastic. He rubbed the back of his neck and shifted his weight from foot to foot, looking anywhere but directly at them. "There's really nothing I can do. I'm sorry. He's too far along. Any of the standard treatments for radiation wouldn't work."

There was something in his voice, in the way he said it, that caught Tony's attention. He narrowed his eyes at the scientist. "What about the _non_-standard treatments?"

"Well..." Reed shifted uncomfortably. "If we could somehow replicate that perfect gamma to blood ratio, he wouldn't die."

"And we haven't done this because...?"

"There's about a one in a million chance that we would get it right. We'd have to just inject him with gamma again, which would either work or just kill him faster." Reed looked directly at Carter then, as if asking for her permission. "But if it worked, he would go back to the way he was before. He would turn into the Hulk again."

Carter frowned. "What's your point? If you can do something, do it. I don't care. Just do it."

"Are you sure?" Reed looked genuinely concerned. "The chances of his survival are slim, and - "

"Well, according to you, he has _no_ chance right now." With a look of determination set on her face, Carter had never looked so intimating. Tony didn't blame Reed for shifting away. "Do whatever it takes. I don't care what it is, or how much the odds are against it. I'd do anything."

After a moment, the scientist nodded. "I'll set it up, then. We'll have the gamma enter his blood system through an IV." His gaze softened then. "Would you... would you like to be alone with him?"

"I - " Carter's voice caught in her throat, and for a moment, it looked like she was about to break. "Yes," she said firmly. "Please."

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

Loki bolted upright in bed, panting heavily. Sweat dripped off of him, and his heart pounded wildly in his chest. Something was wrong. He could sense it. Magic. Someone had used magic in his house.

"Wha's wrong?" someone slurred next to him.

Loki looked down to see his sleepy wife staring up at him with large, groggy eyes. She pushed her hair out of her face, blinking rapidly in an attempt to wake up. "What's wrong?" she asked again, more clearly this time.

"Someone's been in our house," Loki replied through clenched teeth.

At that, Lily sat up, fully aware now. "What?" she whispered, as though she was afraid someone might hear. "How can you tell? Are they still here?"

"Their magic left traces." Loki swung his legs around, putting his feet against the cold surface of the floor. "They came in, and then they left."

"Did they take anything?"

"No, I doubt th - " He froze then, an scene from the day in the park playing in his his mind. _Checkmate, _the old man had mouthed. Checkmate, as in he had one. Checkmate, like Loki had lost... "_Roan_," Loki murmured hoarsely.

Not even bothering to run, Loki let the darkness carry him to Roan's room. In the few seconds it took for his eyes to adjust, panic and terror rendered him almost completely useless. No. No, he must be wrong, he must -

There was nothing in Roan's bed but a a single, black chess piece. A king. Loki's king.

_Checkmate._

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

Pepper gasped and fell back against the wall in the hallway, clutching her side.

Tony was there next to her in an instant. "Are you OK? Peps, what's wrong? You are not aloud to die on me, do you hear? Not allowed! What hurts? Where? How bad - did you just _pee _on the floor?" He stared in disbelief at the puddle of water that had appeared.

"I - I - _ugh_!" Pepper grabbed at her swollen stomach again. Then, with wide and fearful eyes, looked helplessly at Tony. "I think my water broke."

And then Tony passed out.

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

When Loki stepped out of the darkness and into the stone hallway illuminated by an eerie green light, the slaughter began.

Life-sized metal guards ran at him, brandishing swords and spears. They were no match for him. Blinded by his rage and his desire for revenge, Loki tore through the small army, sending blasts of magic and scraps of pathetic mortal material in every direction. Nothing could stop him. He was a man with a mission, a man desperate to get back what was his: Roan.

"Uh-uh-uh," a voice smooth enough to match his own tisk-ed from above. Loki whirled around, a snarl on his face. What he saw made him go pale.

A man dressed in a garb identical to that of his minions grinned down at him. In one hand, he held a long, slim knife. In his other arm, he had Roan in a choke-hold. Loki's son's eyes were huge and filled with fear and tears. Roan let out a little whimper.

"Please, Mr. Lauefeyson, I've grown quite attached to my Doombots," Roan's capture said easily. "I'd greatly appreciate it if you kept them in one piece. And I'm sure your son would, too." The man tightened his grip on Roan, who squeaked pathetically.

Loki let out a growl like a cornered wild animal. Because that's what he was: cornered. There was nothing he could do; he had lost this game.

_Checkmate._

Eyes still locked on Roan, Loki held his hands up in surrender and allowed the remaining to take him captive.

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

The 'remote army base' in a 'secret location' had been easier to find and easier to infiltrate than SHIELD's headquarters had been. Perhaps when he had done his job here, Erik would send General Ross a little note, detailing just how bad his security system was.

His destination called out to him. The large amount of metal, far more than any other part of the base, hummed in his ears, telling him exactly where he needed to go. Oh, this was too easy. Erik longed for a _real _challenge. Where was Charles when you needed him?

Shaking that thought off, Erik rounded the final corner. When the two soldiers guarding the door jumped to attention, bringing their guns up and preparing to shoot, he only grinned. In one hand motion, he threw their guns against the wall and grabbed them my their metal helmets. Sending them backwards, they slumped against the door, unconscious.

Erik kicked the bodies out of his way. Swiping his hand to the left, the door slid open.

A low growl came from the darkness.

"Hello, Captain Blonsky."

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

It hurt her to see Bruce like this. So pale and fragile and weak. His life was fading right before her eyes, and all Carter could do was sit there, hold his hand, and hope that the gamma would work.

Right now, it didn't look too good. The bag of glowing green stuff Reed had hooked Bruce up to was almost empty, and there had been no improvement. It looked like every breath he took hurt, with each one less stable than the last.

A tear ran down Carter's face as she reached over and wiped a bit of dried blood off the corner of his lips. She let her hand linger there above his slightly open mouth for a moment. The warm breaths that hit her skin were reassuring. Steady, almost. If not steady, at least somewhat constant. They kept coming.

And then they didn't.

As the beeping from the heart-rate monitor leveled out into a single, on-going noise, Carter put her head on Bruce's chest and cried.

He was gone.


	29. Chapter 29

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

_Beep... beep... beep beep... beep beep beep beep beepbeepbeep- _

Carter's head snapped up. The heart-rate monitor was going crazy. But it couldn't. It had _just _stopped a second ago. _What the fu -_

With a gasp, Bruce shot up in bed. Carter leapt back, staring at her husband. Shocked, scared, happy - there was no real way to describe what she was feeling. Mostly confused. She'd seen him die, she'd _felt_ his hear stop.

Bruce let out an anguished cry and his whole body began shaking uncontrollably. "_Gah_!" He turned to face her, panting and wide-eyed. "Carter - run! I can't... I can't control... He's - he's back, I... _Arrrggh_!" His eyes began to turn a bright, toxic green. "_Ughn_," Bruce groaned. "_Run_."

That was when it hit her, like a ton of bricks. Bruce was alive. He was about to lose control and probably kill her, but he was _alive_. Unable to keep an unreasonably giddy grin off her face, Carter scrambled back and out the door.

As she sprinted away from the bedroom, she heard the familiar cry of "_HULK SMASH!" _echoing through the mansion.

Bruce was back.

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

"Breathe. In and out. _Breathe_."

"I _can't_ breathe!" Tony shouted at the nurse who was trying to calm him down. "I'm having a freaking panic attack! How am I supposed to _breathe_?"

"Tony, I'm _giving birth _and _I'm_ breathing just fine!" Pepper snapped. As if to prove her point, she took in a deep breath then and let out a cry of pain before doing the little short breaths like the doctor had told her to. "See?"

Dr. Burns was unreasonably proud. "That's good, Mrs. Stark. Now, push. Good. Again. Push."

"Jesus, I'm gonna be sick," Tony muttered, turning away as Pepper let out another scream. God, this was worse than the '_Miracle of Life' _ video he'd been forced to watch in High School when he was eight. "Please, somebody pass me a trashcan."

Someone, most likely the nurse, held the black bin out in front and he snatched it. Hugging it to his chest, Tony squeezed his eyes shut. _Just relax. It'll all be over soon. It'll be over soon. Soon. _He rocked back and forth on his heels, head inside the trash can. He was so focused on trying to calm his churning stomach that he didn't even registar to new higher pitched scream that mixed in with Pepper's cries and the doctor's "That's great, Mrs. Starks!"s.

Suddenly, he felt someone tap him on the shoulder. Tony whirled around to see the doctor smiling at him. "Mr. Stark? Would you like to meet your daughter?"

"I... my... _huh_?" This didn't feel real. No, it couldn't be real. In a minute, he'd wake up to the smell of pancakes. Or Poptarts, given Thor's taste. He pinched himself.

Nothing happened.

So it _was _real. He, Tony Stark, was a _father_. He had a little girl. A daughter. Where was she? He _had _to see her. Tony peered around Dr. Burns's shoulder.

From her spot on the bed, Pepper smiled up at him. Even with smeared make-up and a blotchy red face, she was beautiful. Her eyes flickered down to a bundle of blankets in her arms, and then back to Tony expectantly. Oh, right. She was holding the baby. No freaking _duh_.

Tony tentatively crossed the room. God, why was he so nervous? It's not like the baby was gonna _judge _him or anything. _He_, as a parent,got to judge _her_. That was just how things worked, right? Tony pulled back the little blanket, holding his breath. Two thoughts crossed his mind when he saw his little girl:

_She's so beautiful _and _Jesus Christ, that thing is _ugly.

His daughter's face was wet, raw, and wrinkly. Water, blood, and a whole manner of other liquid-like things Tony didn't really want to think about made her black hair (well, the little tuff that was there) stick to her forehead. She looked up at him with Pepper's intelligent blue-gray eyes. A smile spread across Tony's face when she let out an adorable little coo.

Yeah. She was beautiful. He couldn't believe that he had helped make something so amazing. His dad's words suddenly made sense now. _You have been, and always will be, my greatest creation._

"Hi," Tony said in a quiet baby voice, sounding like a complete idiot. "Hey there. How are you?" He wiggled his finger in her face. With a toothless grin, the little girl reached up with both hands and swatted at it.

Tony chuckled. "Well, aren't you a little energizer bunny?"

"Did you just call our daughter an _energizer bunny_?" Pepper asked incredulously. As hard as she tried, she couldn't keep a smile off her face. "Really, Tony? Really?"

"Well, what _should _I call her?" Tony countered. "What's her name? You _do _have something in mind, right? 'Cause you shot down all my brilliant ideas earlier, and now I got nothin'. I was kinda counting on you to do it."

Pepper laughed. "Of course you were." When she looked down at their daughter, her gaze softened and a small smile formed. "Allison. Allison Maria Stark."

"I like it," Tony declared. And really, he did.

It was perfect.

* * *

**AVENGERS ASSEMBLE**

* * *

"Mr. Lauefeyson," the same man that had been holding Roan captive just minutes before greeted, a grin crossing his face. A grin Loki very much wanted to _smack _off. "Please, have a seat."

The only movement Loki made was a failing attempt to break out of his handcuffs. They had been imbedded with some substance that blocked the flow of his magic, and he was left helpless. "Where is my son?" Loki snarled.

"Oh, Roan? He's absolutely fine. For now. Please, sit. I _insist_." The gestured to the seat opposite him.

Loki, seeing no other option, sat.

"Very good," the man chuckled. "I'm sure you're wondering why I brought you here." He paused and smirked again. "My name is Victor von Doom. Perhaps you've heard of me? No? Just as well. It'll give me the pleasure of introducing myself. If you haven't already put two and two together, I am the king of Latvertia. But you didn't even know where you were until just now, did you? You simply followed my magic here."

"You _let _me find you," Loki realized. Oh, how could he have been so _blind_? In his haste and panic, he'd fallen straight into a trap. How did he not see that? It was a foolish, rash thing that _Thor_ would have done.

Doom chuckled. "Of course I did. It's all part of my plan. You see, much like you, I'm not a... mmh, how do I put it? _Nice guy_. I want power, Mr. Lauefeyson. I _have _power, more than these simple humans. I _deserve _to rule them, don't I? I deserve to rule _all_. And you are here to help me with that."

The Latvertian rose from his chair and began pacing. "You see, I can do more than just _control electricity_. That's a simple parlor trick, an ability I gained through an accident. No, my true power is magic. I come from a long line of sorcerers and gypsies, Mr. Lauefeyson, and this magic? This magic is my birthright, just as the throne is. Surely, you can understand that.

"But of course, compared to you, I'm nothing but a magic-act. A magician that performs at children's parties. Your power _dwarfs _mine.

"I've recently reached a little delemia in my latest plan. You see, I'm not strong enough to open a portal between worlds by myself. So, I enlisted the help of man I've long admired. You remember Erik Lehnsherr, don't you?"

Loki tensed at that. Lehnsherr had been working for Doom? How intricate _was _this man's plan? How many ties did he have, how much did he know?

Upon seeing Loki's angry expression, Doom laughed lightly again. "Of course you do. How could you forget the man who lead me to your son? However, all of that's beside the point. You see, Magneto, as Lehnsherr prefers to be called, has a machine that magnifies power. In exchange for the rule of Midgard once I've conquered the Nine Realms, he agreed to let me borrow it. But even with the machine, I wasn't strong enough.

"You, however, are."

Loki glared up at the sadistic ruler. "You want me to open a portal to the other realms? How foolish _are _you? Do you honestly believe that you won't be stopped? The armies of Asgard will destroy you."

"Is that so?" Doom raised an eyebrow. "Because I have an army of my own in mind. The first portal you open will be to Niflheim, where an army of _Skrulls_ awaits. From there, you will send me and my troops to Jotunheim. Once we have the Frost Giants on our side, none will be able to stop us. Not even your puny little Avenger friends."

"_What_?" Loki snapped. What did Doom know of the Avengers? And there was something in his tone, something malicious, that made Loki concerned.

Instead of the mocking little chuckles he'd been doing thus far, Doom let out a completely deranged cackle. "Did you think I would forget about Earth's Mightest Heroes?" he asked mockingly. "Oh, I've taken care of them. Banner is dying, if he's not already dead. Mrs. Stark has gone into labor three months earlier than planned. The Abomination is attacking whatever is left of their team.

"Don't look at me like that, Mr. Lauefeyson. I've only _orchestrated _their destruction. Actually, I suppose I can only take credit for inducing Mrs. Stark's labor and setting Captain Blonksy free - Dr. Banner would have died either way.

"Tonight, the Avengers have been thrust into utter chaos. And there's no one to come to your rescue."

* * *

**AN: And that's that for this story! The final installment in this trilogy, "In This Together Now", will pick up right where this one leaves off, and, with any luck, I'll have it posted in most of its entirety later tonight. Thank you guys for being so patient and wonderful!**

**- Mac**


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